bluejeanbebe Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 How to you know when you are ready to start dating again? Advice for yourself or anyone else? We broke up a little over a month ago from almost a 3 year relationship. It came to the point where we were going to get married or break up, and well, he left me. I want to be happy- I want to love and be loved again. But it still smarts a bit. I'm not as big a mess as I was, but the sadness and the anger is still there. ....what a jerk! I miss him! what a jerk! why doesn't he miss me? what a jerk! I miss him!..... you get the picture. I don't know ~anybody~ single at this point, so I'm trying to expand my social circles. Even though I'm REALLY hesitant about it, i've signed myself up for match.com and eharmony. But, I'm thinking I would be mortified if my ex saw me on there, and I keep thinking, what am I doing?? Just about every guy I look at, I compare to my ex. How do you know when you are ready? Should I just relax and let the universe work its magic and send Mr. Right to me, or should I take a more proactive approach? On top of that, I'm forever hearing the clock tick as 30 is approaching swiftly and I very much desire a husband and family.
Peanut9330 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Well your fresh out of a fairly long relationship, I still think you need to take some time, because you don’t want to start dating someone just to fill the void (basically a rebound). Give yourself the opportunity to be happy do things that improve your life and the right guy will come along. If you jump into a relationship too soon it might be for the wrong reasons, however only you know when you will be ready, but if your still comparing every guy to your ex then maybe you still need a little more time. Just enjoy life put yourself out there and try to forget about the ex.
brock9911 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I know what ur talking about. my breakup is almost 3 months old and i dont trust myself in a relationship yet. and my relationship was almost 8 years. i dont want to drag someone into my baggage. the only advice i can give is enjoy being single. by goin out iv met up with old friends and through them i have met 2 girls that iv been talking to and getting to know. the attention deff feels good. for know it would probably be better of u to get the attention without any strings attatched.
lupa Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I'm not out of a 3.5 yr marriage yet (in the process) and I ran into an ex girlfriend out one night about two weeks ago. We both know this is terrible timing, so we agreed to just take it slow. We don't talk on the phone daily or anything, sometimes we send text messages, sometimes we don't. I don't think I'm ready, but it is nice to have someone to think about. the only way to know you are ready to date again is to actually try it...for me it feels great being with her, but I know in my heart that I can't get serious.
GrayClouds Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 no one can say for sure but i suspect its way to soon for you. your wanting a replacement or something to distract you from the feelings. Before you start dating ask yourself: do you have a good understanding why the last relationship didn't work, do you understand what i did that contributed to it's demise, do you know why you were with someone for three years (and going to merry him) when they really was not committed to you, do you understand why that person was not right for you and how not to pick the same type again? Most importantly why is your happiness ("I want to be happy") dependent on being in a relationship (that's a lot of pressure to put on someone else). Yes this is the hard stuff it take strength to do it, its much easier just to jump into something new until that falls apart. rather then match.com or eharmony.com join something that excites you, mountain climbing, knitting club, volunteer, get a dog (you will love and be loved) and take it to obidience class, anything that allows you to get to know people faced to face. it will offer you the oppertunity to find yourself. and it allows starting with the presumption of know someone first and decide if you want to get romantic, the online usually starts with the presumption of romantic and then you try to get to know them. i have heard a good rule of thumb is 1 week for every month...
stepka Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I felt like I was ready almost immediately after a 23 year marriage ended, but I realize I was chomping at the bit to go find my true love, because I just wasn't feeling it near the end, though the breakup was his choice. After dating a few times I've come to the conclusion that it was a way to salve the pain of being dumped and that what I was really trying to do was to find out if I'm still attractive. I've backed way, way off of that--after all, I'm still only separated, and need to work out some things in my inner life first b/f I'll be a good prospect for a decent man. Also I learned that I'm not really cut out for casual sex relationships after trying it out a couple of times. I'm not saying I'm sorry I did it though--just going to back off for now so I'll be ready for a healthy relationship when the time comes.
Soul Bear Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I guess you know your ready when you wouldn't take them back ( not right now at least) that's how i feel anyway
broken_promises Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 For me, it is when I no longer either compare my ex to someone that I might be interested in or when I don't feel sad at the thought of dating someone new. It has been about 6 weeks, and I am DEFINITELY not ready. My last relationship that ended, it took me exactly a year to even hook-up with anyone - let alone really date. You just have to listen to your intuition. I'm not saying that you shouldn't date to get out there if that is something that you want to do for an ego boost or just to test the waters, but at the same time - there is a HUGE risk that you will jump into a new thing without being ready. A three year relationship is a long time and it sounds like you not only have to mourn the loss of the person, but also the hopes you had for marriage. You DON'T want to jump into a new thing out of impatience for wanting marriage/family if it will ultimately not be the best person for you.
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