ANP Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and we've talked about marriage, kids, and everything. But, lately I've been feeling a little strange. At about the beginning of the year my BF had started mentioning watching porn. At first I was fine with it because we've always been very active, like sex multiple times a day. To this day we still have sex at least once a day. My problem is that the porn thing to kind of getting out of control. It seems like every time we're getting ready to get intimate my BF has to turn on a porn. Even when I go down on him he'll just be watching the TV. The other day we were having sex and he was just watching porn the whole time we were having sex. I don't know if I'm over-reacting or what but it just seems strange to me. I don't know if he just getting bored with me or what. I'm just starting to feel very hurt over the situation because I'm feeling like he's lost interests. I'm just wondering if this is normal and should I be concerned?
GorillaTheater Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 No, I can't say it's normal. His focus during sex should be on you, not a screen. Sounds like fantasy is trumping reality for him so, yeah, there's a problem. Have you tried talking to him about it?
MSUE Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 It really is not normal...I agree withGT on that...you need to have an open conversation about as it seems to be an adiction..can he perform an orgasm the same wout it? Its certainly something I'd be concerned about if I were u
Jersey Shortie Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Not normal. You're boyfriend is a douche. But talk to him about his douchey behavior. Hopefully he can still get it up without having to use porn. Although, alot of men resort to porn for exactly that reason. For alot of men, fantasy trumps reality.
utterer of lies Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I'm just wondering if this is normal No. should I be concerned? Yes.
2sure Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 While it is off putting and probably not the norm...it sounds like a habit he developed more than anything else. Obviously, he is VERY visual so you already know that you can play up that. Show him something else. Something that doesnt involve playing porn. Break the habit, mix it up. Bring out the camera and have him take pictures of you...or you and he together.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Taking picture of herself will only interest him for so long before he will most likely be back surfing the porn options at his finger tips.
mortensorchid Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Watching porn is what guys do. But the volume and increased time that he is watching porn concerns here. Have you asked him why he watches it so much? You really should. If he won't tell you, that will also be of concern as well. I wish there were resources you could consult on this, try Googling it.
missdependant Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 What an ass! You put up with that? Because I would have put my foot down a LONG Time ago. If he wants to watch porn, then fine.. but this isn't a matter of just watching porn sometimes to get his jollies off. He is being disrespectful by doing this. That is absolutely unacceptable and you have to talk to him about it before you think of getting married.
2sure Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Well, she may not have an issue with him watching porn...at one point she enjoyed watching it with him....the big issue seems to be his watching it while they have sex ...everytime. People get into sexual habits.
bean1 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Before we burn him at the stake, OP needs to tell him that she wants it to stop. I think it is just a habit that has been developed, and let's be honest, has OP told him that she DOESN'T like it? Doesn't sound like it yet. I think the difference between great relationships and crap relationships are when one person just tells the other person what they want and expect. Again, us ladies expecting men to be psychic. A lot of fights and hurt feelings would be easily avoided if a woman just tells the man what she thinks and wants. So, tell him you don't like it and it will probably stop. If it doesn't, that's a whole other issue. Start with the basics.
2sure Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Telling him you are bored with this particular sex play would be a huge motivator for most guys to change what he is doing.
GorillaTheater Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Telling him you are bored with this particular sex play would be a huge motivator for most guys to change what he is doing. Yeah, actually I think that would be pretty damn effective. It would certainly get my attention.
Author ANP Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 I have tried to talk to him about it but he just seems to brush it off. I never enjoyed it but put up with it at first because it was once in a while. Now, its really a turn off for me and I can't get in the mood. I try to explain that to him but he just gets mad. I even threw all of his videos away once when he was being an ass but he would just watch the sort core stuff on HBO. I don't think that he's cheating but I'm just thinking that he's lost interest. He just tells me that I'm being stupid when I get bothered by his watching. Does this mean that he's lost interest in me? Thats what I;m thinking because he seems to get bored when he just has sex with me as the focus.
Author ANP Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 I've also asked my BF if he's watched porn during sex with his other girlfriends but he says no. Before me he didn't have an actual girlfriend in like 6 years, just casual dating. He says that he has never had sex with a girlfriend as much as he has with me (every day). He says that usually over time the sex stops, but it hasn't with us yet. Thats why I think he's finally getting bored with me. This makes me worried that he's going to be prone to cheat.
2sure Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Well I can tell you one thing for sure... At some point in a relationship there is a GOOD chance that you are not going to have sex every day . When, not if, that happens if you are going to assume that he is bored and will cheat...well, good luck with that. If you have told him you are done with the porn play , then be done with it. Next time he goes to turn it on while you are having sex tell him: We can have sex OR watch porn. Not both. Period. You can say no right?
bean1 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Put down your foot or tell him time shove off. If you are having sex with him daily, and you think you are not good enough even with that, then you will need to rethink your relationship. What will you do if you are pregnant and/or just gave birth and physically incapable of sex for several weeks or months?
Jersey Shortie Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I have tried to talk to him about it but he just seems to brush it off. I never enjoyed it but put up with it at first because it was once in a while. Now, its really a turn off for me and I can't get in the mood. I try to explain that to him but he just gets mad. I even threw all of his videos away once when he was being an ass but he would just watch the sort core stuff on HBO. I don't think that he's cheating but I'm just thinking that he's lost interest. He just tells me that I'm being stupid when I get bothered by his watching. Does this mean that he's lost interest in me? Thats what I;m thinking because he seems to get bored when he just has sex with me as the focus. No, it means he doesn't care about what you want and need. He is brushing off what you want and you are letting him do that to you. He doesn't care about listening to what you want. That's either because he really doesn't care or he is too insecure about himself to allow for your needs to be important. Either way, why are you having sex with a man that doesn't make you feel desired just so he doesn't cheat and gets his own rocks off? Geez. I don't get women that sacrifice themselves to their partners whims.
missdependant Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 That is totally messed up, and the guy sounds like a total scumbag. If he's not going to have any respect for your feelings, you should think long and hard about your relationship and whether or not it's really worth it. His behavior is NOT normal, in fact it's a bit creepy. I personally don't care if my BF watches porn. But if he did what your boyfriend is doing, I'd kick him straight to the curb, because that is just weird and disgusting, and it would probably make me feel really insecure. I'd rather keep my sanity than stay with a jerk like that.
Vet Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 A lot of women here don't like porn. They don't want their partners looking at it, they don't want it in their house, and they're turned off by the very thought of it. If that's you, great--find a man that feels the same. If not, and you can divorce it from your relationship with your man, great. However, when viewing pornography is having a negative impact on your relationship and sex life, that's the point that you need to stop it. If he won't stop it, won't take your feelings into account, and won't listen to reason, you need to ask yourself if this is a relationship you want to be in.
c-riouz Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and we've talked about marriage, kids, and everything. But, lately I've been feeling a little strange. At about the beginning of the year my BF had started mentioning watching porn. At first I was fine with it because we've always been very active, like sex multiple times a day. To this day we still have sex at least once a day. My problem is that the porn thing to kind of getting out of control. It seems like every time we're getting ready to get intimate my BF has to turn on a porn. Even when I go down on him he'll just be watching the TV. The other day we were having sex and he was just watching porn the whole time we were having sex. I don't know if I'm over-reacting or what but it just seems strange to me. I don't know if he just getting bored with me or what. I'm just starting to feel very hurt over the situation because I'm feeling like he's lost interests. I'm just wondering if this is normal and should I be concerned? He's so used and conditioned to get off to porn that you alone cannot arouse him or keep him excited and get him off anymore without his "crutch". Porn is more exciting than you. Happens alot and is a known side effect of porn. That's why I am so fanatically against it - I don't want it to happen to me, and I certainly don't want to be compared to any mental porn image, or even be used as a human fleshlight. If I cannot be arousing enough for him to get and maintain the erection, then I certainly don't want to finish the job that some outside source (the broads in porn) induced.
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