mark1210 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 So I've been dating a girl for a little over 3 months, we started having sex 2 weeks ago (so there was no sex for around 2.5 months) and have only done it 5 times. We did not have sex or any intimacy since last Tuesday and she left for Las Vegas on Saturday. I tried to initiate something on Friday but was shot down. On Saturday she invites me to take a shower with her which I decline politely by telling her I showed before I came over. She comes out naked after the shower telling me she wanted to "get it on". I told her now you know how I feel after 4 days and decline any advances. She then tells me..looks like we have a "Sex Standoff"...that's cool. Now you may ask why I went that route...well it's simple. Its not fair for her to only be the initiator. When I kiss her, she only gives me a peck on the lips and steps back (no intimate or long kissing), when I hug her, she only hugs me for a second and pushes back. Basically, any type of initiation I do, seems like its not well received. However, if she takes the lead she is all for it. Not sure if this is some control technique or what, anyone care to explain? Seems unusual after waiting so long before having sex to only have had it 5 times and no have had it before she went on her 2 week long trip to Vegas.
Author mark1210 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Good point - I should have mentioned that...she was not on the rag...she doesn't get a period since getting on the shot. She isn't due for her period until October.
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Birth control can mess with a girl's body and emotions...and sex drive. Honestly, if it wasn't her period, I can only imagine that your sex drives don't really synch up. Possibly when you initiate intimacy and she withdraws, she could be trying to let you know she's mad at you. That would be pretty immature though.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 She wants to have the control. It's not not normal but it is not normal too. Either way, it clearly isn't working for you. Try discussing it with her. If you are on the road to having sex then talking about it should be no big deal.
xosweetgrli08xo Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 You need to talk to her about this. If you want this relationship to work, there has to be communication. Tell her how you feel. Don't be negative or accusatory, be neutral until you have all the facts. Also, birth control really can mess with a girl's sex drive. It's probably nothing to do with you or being intimate with you, just the hormones.
boogieboy Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Id be wary of this girl, she could be a control freak. I think shes not very attracted to you, and thats why she doesnt like when you initiate. You might have to do alot more mental stimulation to get her going. Watch out for this girl, no sex for 2.5 months?Maybe time will tell, but dont get attached to this one just yet.
espec10001 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Here is what you do. You be the man, you take control. If you are with an attractive naked girl, there is no question. I mean come on dude. You must not be that attracted to her. Otherwise you'd get a boner the instant you saw her naked and automatically take control without question.
norajane Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 When I kiss her, she only gives me a peck on the lips and steps back (no intimate or long kissing), when I hug her, she only hugs me for a second and pushes back. Has she ever liked kissing you and hugging? Was she ever affectionate before you started having sex? Does she like kissing you when she initiates sex? If so, maybe she thinks now that you only kiss her when you want to have sex and she's not always in the mood for that so she pushes back so as not to start anything. If not, then it's not likely she will suddenly change into a person who likes to kiss and hug. This doesn't really sound normal to me, to be honest. You should talk about it with her.
Author mark1210 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 espec: I'm very attracted to her - but I'm not going to give up all my power and control and fill her head that she will solely be responisuble for initating sex. I think this may be even larger than I was thinking. I remember her saying she didn't like the way I dressed and we ended up buying $500 worth of new clothes. Just about 2 weeks ago she said she didn't like my hair style and I should consider changing it and she had a few ideas in mind. Maybe she just doesn't like me for who I am...maybe I am a special project for her...dunno. I do know that she made reference that I should lose some weight...I'm 5'10 and 190....I could stand to lose 10 lbs..no question but not really something i should hear from her....
Author mark1210 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Has she ever liked kissing you and hugging? Was she ever affectionate before you started having sex? Does she like kissing you when she initiates sex? Yes to all the above If so, maybe she thinks now that you only kiss her when you want to have sex and she's not always in the mood for that so she pushes back so as not to start anything. If not, then it's not likely she will suddenly change into a person who likes to kiss and hug. This doesn't really sound normal to me, to be honest. You should talk about it with her. I mentioned something about it once, was told I was being insecure about it.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Its not fair for her to only be the initiator. When I kiss her, she only gives me a peck on the lips and steps back (no intimate or long kissing), when I hug her, she only hugs me for a second and pushes back. Basically, any type of initiation I do, seems like its not well received. However, if she takes the lead she is all for it. Have you told her this clearly? Passive aggressive barbs, control games and assuming she 'gets' what you are doing aren't going to get you anything but on a fast track to the 'breaking up' forum.
espec10001 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 oh my f***ing god this isn't that difficult! Talking, what is there to talk about? Either the man is sexually attracted to the female or he isn't. Why is this so difficult for some men to comprehend. It's this god-damn feminism infesting our society.
espec10001 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 espec: I'm very attracted to her - but I'm not going to give up all my power and control and fill her head that she will solely be responisuble for initating sex. I think this may be even larger than I was thinking. I remember her saying she didn't like the way I dressed and we ended up buying $500 worth of new clothes. Just about 2 weeks ago she said she didn't like my hair style and I should consider changing it and she had a few ideas in mind. Maybe she just doesn't like me for who I am...maybe I am a special project for her...dunno. I do know that she made reference that I should lose some weight...I'm 5'10 and 190....I could stand to lose 10 lbs..no question but not really something i should hear from her.... Man, and I say this to you as a fellow MAN, STOP this behavior NOW. Do NOT listen to what a woman wants you to do! Do what YOU want to do. You do not give ANY power to a woman. She doesn't like the way you dress? F*** her, and I mean both figuratively and literally. She doesn't like your hair? F*** her! She doesn't like your weight? F*** her! F*** her good and let her know who the man is! If you want to lose weight and change for YOURSELF, then that is healthy. However, if a woman starts making these unreasonable demands and you LET her take away your manhood, you have no one to blame but yourself!
Author mark1210 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Thanks espec10001 - I'll try this approach - I'm always open to feedback but just because she wants me to do something doesn't mean I will or should do it. I've never told her to change her attire, her hair, or anything for that matter. I like her just the way she is...perfections and imperfections alike. So you think her rejecting my advances is a control game?
espec10001 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Thanks espec10001 - I'll try this approach - I'm always open to feedback but just because she wants me to do something doesn't mean I will or should do it. I've never told her to change her attire, her hair, or anything for that matter. I like her just the way she is...perfections and imperfections alike. So you think her rejecting my advances is a control game? And you should SEEK out a woman who likes you for who you are right now! Hair and clothes and weight and all! Equality man! Here is what women don't want men to REMEMBER about their natural state: women cannot physically reject a man's advances unless she is physically stronger than him. I am not speaking about rape, rape is wrong. But if a woman is parading naked about a man, and he gets aroused, it is natural for him to dominate. She is not rejecting your advances, you are inhibited by some reason and it could ver well be because she does not accept you for YOU. YOU deserve a woman who loves you for who you are at this very moment, not some project or pet that she can mold!
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