BeautifulBrunette Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 The other night, I got into a fight with my boyfriend and it had to do with sex. For awhile now, he's been wanting it less and less. He made some really hurtful comments that really stuck to me. Here is what he said: "You're whole day amounts to sex at night" "I have to do all the work while you just lay there" "Can't you live with out sex?" I said "No, can you?" and he replied "For awhile" "Go f**K someone else since I'm not good enough for you" The above hurt me so much but mind you, he has said some of them before. Thoughts? Thank you!
utterer of lies Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 "Go f**K someone else since I'm not good enough for you" Thoughts? Go f**k someone else.
MSUE Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 "I have to do all the work while you just lay there" Thank you! maybe he's bored...certainly sounds like it by this particular comment...try and make it more exciting next time...spice it up...try different positions..men love to o doggy style and love women on top...role play...dress up in hot lingerie...make him want it and want u...and if that doesn't work then go screw someone else
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 He sounds immature and insecure. It sounds like he is also frustrated, and maybe feeling inadequate, but can't communicate very well.
Thaddeus Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I find it pretty peculiar that your man would turn down sex. Methinks there's something else going on in the relationship and this is a symptom of that. BB, what's the rest of your relationship like?
Author BeautifulBrunette Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 maybe he's bored...certainly sounds like it by this particular comment...try and make it more exciting next time...spice it up...try different positions..men love to o doggy style and love women on top...role play...dress up in hot lingerie...make him want it and want u...and if that doesn't work then go screw someone else The almost impossible part is getting him in the mood.
Author BeautifulBrunette Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 I find it pretty peculiar that your man would turn down sex. Methinks there's something else going on in the relationship and this is a symptom of that. BB, what's the rest of your relationship like? The rest of our relationship is great... We take walks, go to exciting places, watch movies together, talk about life ect... He once said to me, "Why can't you wait for it to happen" but I believe if I don't initiate, he wouldn't either. I think there is something else going on.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 He might be having some ED problems that he doesn't want to tell you about. Men are not very willing to admit that there is a problem getting it up even though it can happen and is completely normal. Try to have an open and no argument based dialogue about it. About what he wants from sex between you two and what you want. What he needs and what you need. Ask him if there is anything you can do to entice him. As long as he doesn't ask you to idiotically watch porn with him to get it up. Also, perhaps thats the problem. that he is watching porn. Too many men become lazy and opt out of life this way.
Author BeautifulBrunette Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 I don't believe he has ED. He is only 26!
utterer of lies Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I don't believe he has ED. He is only 26! I think he has a severe case of "no sexual interest in you".
Jersey Shortie Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I don't believe he has ED. He is only 26! Even 26 year olds get ED. Men rather talk about their eyes be pulled out of their eye socket then their ED problems. Anyway, you only "thinking" about the problem isn't going to help. You need to talk to him.
Author BeautifulBrunette Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 I think he has a severe case of "no sexual interest in you". Do you really think so? That would be horrible...
frustrated&sad Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 BB, Sadly, this doesn't bode well. How long have you two been dating? In my experience, when a partner is no longer interested in sex, it usually means there is something else going on--he or she is angry, upset, depressed, or many other things.Unfortunately, (and guys I'm sorry to generalize about y'all here) most men won't turn down sex repeatedly, particularly not from his significan other. Have you tried to talk to him about this in a serious conversation? It might be worth discussing this with him. Be open about how it hurts you/bothers you. Ask him to be honest with you.
Keoki Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 "I have to do all the work while you just lay there" A comment like this would be a huge sign to me. Sex is a give-and-take, and if he perceives you to be laying there like a passive acceptor of his "pickle" (see, I made a funny!), I'd be engaging in some self-reflection to figure out how I could be a better, ACTIVE participant in our sex life. Perhaps a few rounds of "all about him" is in order?
utterer of lies Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Do you really think so? That would be horrible... Yes, I do. Sorry.
Author BeautifulBrunette Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 BB, Sadly, this doesn't bode well. How long have you two been dating? In my experience, when a partner is no longer interested in sex, it usually means there is something else going on--he or she is angry, upset, depressed, or many other things.Unfortunately, (and guys I'm sorry to generalize about y'all here) most men won't turn down sex repeatedly, particularly not from his significan other. Have you tried to talk to him about this in a serious conversation? It might be worth discussing this with him. Be open about how it hurts you/bothers you. Ask him to be honest with you. We have been dating for 3 years and 5 months I know most men don't turn down sex that is why it's driving me insane. He has mentioned before that I should wait for it to happen and he feels pressured but even after not seeing him in a week?
frustrated&sad Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 BB, Wow, I just had chills. My ex-fiance and I were together for 3.5 years. Almost 2 months ago he split. Before that, however, there were moments where I wanted sex and he'd make lame excuses. Example: I was away for a week. I came home, wanted to make love, but he was "too tired" and said he would rather just cuddle. I kept getting weird excuses, too. In my opinion, something is not right. It seems rather fishy. What does he mean wait for it to happen? Most men LOVE when a woman is pratically begging for it or initiating it. And my ex did, until all of a sudden he didn't. In my case, it was a sign of larger issues. I don't want to worry you hear into thinking that your bf is on the fritz. On the contrary, maybe something is bothering him that is unrelated to you. Has he had pressure at work? Family issues? I think a nice talk would be really helpful. And seeing how it is driving you crazy, you really need to do something about it!
Author BeautifulBrunette Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 BB, Wow, I just had chills. My ex-fiance and I were together for 3.5 years. Almost 2 months ago he split. Before that, however, there were moments where I wanted sex and he'd make lame excuses. Example: I was away for a week. I came home, wanted to make love, but he was "too tired" and said he would rather just cuddle. I kept getting weird excuses, too. In my opinion, something is not right. It seems rather fishy. What does he mean wait for it to happen? Most men LOVE when a woman is pratically begging for it or initiating it. And my ex did, until all of a sudden he didn't. In my case, it was a sign of larger issues. I don't want to worry you hear into thinking that your bf is on the fritz. On the contrary, maybe something is bothering him that is unrelated to you. Has he had pressure at work? Family issues? I think a nice talk would be really helpful. And seeing how it is driving you crazy, you really need to do something about it! OMG, I just had chills too! As a job, my boyfriend works in different states and on most occasions, he is away all week, Monday-Friday. You and I would think that when he gets back, making love is on the top of his list but NO, I get excuses. Most of the time it's "I'm tired, we'll do it tomorrow" and guess what, we never do. I talked to him Monday night and told him that if we don't resolve this then I have to move on because it's hurting me. He told me that he didn't want me to leave and loves me so he wants to "change things." He claimed that the reason for his low sex-drive is because he feels that when he gets home, he has to do it and that I don't give him a chance to initiate. In his mind, sex is scheduled which makes him less willing to do it. I don't think there was ever a time where I made him feel like we have to schedule it. Here's my question, if a man or woman doesn't see their lover for a week, would he or she want to make love when they get home? frustrated&sad, I'm curious: why did your ex-fiance split?
thegoodlife Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I understand his point a little bit. And it's good that he was open and told you, because like you said you weren't even aware that's how it felt to him. Just try to lay off a bit and let him come to you. There has to be a balance. It's great to be ready and willing very often, and many men and women would appreciate that in a partner but I've seen it happen more than once that it can become a bit of a turn off. It becomes too easy, and your man probably just wants to feel like he has the chance to want you, and to sweep you off your feet. I had an ex that loved for me to dress up in lingerie or other sexy little numbers and I LOVED to do that for him, it was fun, and made me feel good and sexy also. But there were a few times where I knew he was really wanting it, and the pressure made me feel like it was expected of me because if I didn't he'd be let down and I ended up not being into it whatsoever. I have to feel like I'm choosing to wear that stuff because I want to, not because of an obligation or expectation. Pressure and nervousness can lead to a man's inability to get it up.
Author BeautifulBrunette Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 I understand his point a little bit. And it's good that he was open and told you, because like you said you weren't even aware that's how it felt to him. Just try to lay off a bit and let him come to you. There has to be a balance. It's great to be ready and willing very often, and many men and women would appreciate that in a partner but I've seen it happen more than once that it can become a bit of a turn off. It becomes too easy, and your man probably just wants to feel like he has the chance to want you, and to sweep you off your feet. I had an ex that loved for me to dress up in lingerie or other sexy little numbers and I LOVED to do that for him, it was fun, and made me feel good and sexy also. But there were a few times where I knew he was really wanting it, and the pressure made me feel like it was expected of me because if I didn't he'd be let down and I ended up not being into it whatsoever. I have to feel like I'm choosing to wear that stuff because I want to, not because of an obligation or expectation. Pressure and nervousness can lead to a man's inability to get it up. thegoodlife, thank you so much for your advice! I do lay off...all week! I don't believe it's the pressure; I believe it's something deeper. I'd like to think that he wants me when he returns from his week long trip, but that isn't the case so therefore I believe it's something deeper.
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