confusedcookie Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 so i had a fight with my bf, and then he gave up trying... he said that we needed time apart, and he didn't want to try or give into the relationship anymore, he was just tired of it. i asked him if he wanted to try and he said that he just didn't want a gf anymore for 2 years and he wanted to focus on his career. then, he goes that he needs 2 years for me to grow up and mature, and that we can be friends, and during the two years, he won't find a gf, and after that two years, if we are both single, then we can get together again. he says that their is always hope for us still. i don't get it, does he mean this for real that we have a chance, and he won't find another gf (kind of like waiting for me) or is this just a easier way to dump me?
collegekid491 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Sorry, my own personal interpretation would be just a easier way to dump you without causing a scene or ending without a huge fight. Either way the result is he's saying the work isn't worth what he's getting out of it, and he may not look for a gf but 4 months down the road he may tell you 'it just happened'. Not to mention 2 years is a pretty large/specific timeline, red flag.
incineration Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 hmm i say its just "reasons" so that he can dumped you quick! why 2 years? not 1 year? you two are always quarelling or jst that one big fight? coz if just that one big fight then he really wants to get rid of you ..coz he gave up that quick! and didnt give any chnce to save your relationship
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 He's dumping you with a misguided attempt to make it as easy for you (ie: himself) as possible. He isn't really intending to follow through, nor is he intending for you to follow through. Honestly, if someone told me to waste two years of my life for an "if", I'd tell them to f*ck right off.
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 He's dumping you with a misguided attempt to make it as easy for you (ie: himself) as possible. He isn't really intending to follow through, nor is he intending for you to follow through. Honestly, if someone told me to waste two years of my life for an "if", I'd tell them to f*ck right off. Very nicely put. X2
BWLoca Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Well, as someone who just went through almost this exact same thing this past week, I think he's just trying to let you down easily. And yeah, it's a coward's way out.
BCCA Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 First, the idea that a single man is not going to look for women for 2 years is complete nonsense. What is more likely, is that he is trying to pretend that he 'isnt looking for someone' and either has someone lined up or will just 'happen to have met' someone, and will certainly 180 on his previous statements. He's going to say 'I didnt intend to meet X, it just happened...' Next, why would you let any woman you saw as a potential long term partner walk for two years if you were at all interested in having them in your life? You wouldnt, plain and simple. Do you really think he wants you out and about with other guys, and then coming back to him? No way. Lastly, your first thought should be what YOU should do, not whats going on in his mind. YOU should tell him to eat s*** and die with his idea, and go on with your life. Everything he said was BS to make things easier on himself and not look so bad.
Phateless Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 He's dumping you and saying whatever he has to to avoid feeling guilty.
alphamale Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 i don't get it, does he mean this for real that we have a chance, and he won't find another gf (kind of like waiting for me) or is this just a easier way to dump me? is an easier way to dump you
Trialbyfire Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 so i had a fight with my bf, and then he gave up trying... he said that we needed time apart, and he didn't want to try or give into the relationship anymore, he was just tired of it. i asked him if he wanted to try and he said that he just didn't want a gf anymore for 2 years and he wanted to focus on his career.Why 2 years? This is odd that he chose this length of time. then, he goes that he needs 2 years for me to grow up and mature, and that we can be friends, and during the two years, he won't find a gf, and after that two years, if we are both single, then we can get together again. he says that their is always hope for us still. Don't you find these statements condescending, in that he's put everything on you, as if he's the sole prize and mature one, in your relationship? i don't get it, does he mean this for real that we have a chance, and he won't find another gf (kind of like waiting for me) or is this just a easier way to dump me?Having you on a string is the opportunity for him to seek greener pastures, while still having you on the backburner as a form of security. Leave him to his greener pastures, with no security. It should be interesting how quickly he knocks on your door but not necessarily to get back into a relationship but to keep you around. When he does this, let him know you need NC time, so you can get over him and move on.
Katherineos123 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I agree with TrialByFire in everything she said. He definitely is trying to have his cake and eat it too... Live the life of a single man, all the while knowing he has someone to fall back on if he gets lonely. This really should be an all or nothing situation, either he gets ALL of you or NONE of you... but to have a little of you now whenever he sees it fit, and have you stick around for two years?? that bull. Why would he say this in the first place? Have you been fighting a lot lately? Was this a little tiff, or was this a big monumental type altercation? Because his reaction seems a little bit rash to me.
alphamale Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I agree with TrialByFire in everything she said. He definitely is trying to have his cake and eat it too... Live the life of a single man, all the while knowing he has someone to fall back on if he gets lonely. ahh TBFs opinions aren't all that and a bag of chips. he's just trying to break up and let her down easy. the "2 year" thing is just a smoke screen coz he's probably got another woman on deck
Author confusedcookie Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 okay, very lonnnng story short, we've been having a lot of little fights that turn quite big, some that i'm wrong, some that he's wrong... overall, it always ends up me walking out, and then no talking until i call him ( he use to call me first) i met his family in china 8 months ago and it didn't go well, his friends and family dont like me (he is really influenced by them) and my friends and family don't really like him either. so for about 8 months after coming back to canada, i underappreciated him i know, and i put stipulations oh him (like, he said that if we moved to china, he wanted to eat with his family 2 times a week, and i said that was too much) i know, i turned a little controlling... =S... he always puts his god sister (canada) first then me, and it doesn't help that i found her bracelet near the side of the bed, and then he said she slept over while we were on vacation... so anytime that he spends time with her or anything thats related to her, i kinda of throw a fit... he always gets mad and says i over think things and that she's happily married... so we had a fight over the god sis and how the last day in canada before he moved back to china, he spent with her bc she was helping him move... i went out with a guy friend for dinner, and he got mad bc he said that the last day he was here, i didn't spend with him (things got have been handled a lot better between the two of us) he gave me back my stuff, and i asked if he had anything to tell me and he said nothing. I called him and said that you were ready to leave me here. if i hadn't called him, that would have been the end of us and he didn't care. he made feeble attempts to tell me not to be mad, but i thought that the thought he could leave without trying to reconcile things for us was the last straw. the weird thing is that 4 days ago before he left, i went to USA for a job interview and he surprised me there, and he said there was a future for us, he even wanted to put a ring on my finger. and he said that he could leave china, make enough money and start a business in canada. he's in china now and i think that he tired of the fighting, and the fact that i underappreciated him, i think he wants 2 year because he thinks that he can make enough money then to be financially independent of his father and he can do what he likes (ie. maybe move to canada). also i wanted him to visit me once a month, i was going to move to japan, and now i'm not, so it put pressure on him to have to come see him... sorry, long post, what do you guys think? i don't know anymore, i feel like i was controlling, but at the same time he had faults but he said he was willing to change hut he said that i wasn't willing to change...
Trialbyfire Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 confusedcookie, you've now got two years to find someone else, someone who will appreciate what you've got to offer. An LDR is incredibly difficult for the closest, most dedicated couples. Trying to maintain an LDR as a friend, with someone who's not dedicated, who wants to sow his wild oats, is asking for heartbreak. His family will want to find him someone who's been raised in the same culture.
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I think he's dumping you in a way to make himself feel better. Comon' ... two years? Who the heck is going to purposely stay single for two years?
alphamale Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I think he's dumping you in a way to make himself feel better. Comon' ... two years? Who the heck is going to purposely stay single for two years? yea thats what i thought too
Author confusedcookie Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 Thanks guys, I've known the answer for a while, especially since I text him and he ignores my texts and says he doesn't have time to reply, sigh. He's my first so it's kinda hard to let go and he treated me really well up until I met his family... I feel like I did a lot of things wrong too and I'm willing to work on it but I guess he won't give me the chance ... It's just hard especially when two days before the fight, we were happy as can be but he says once he's mad all the bad things about me come out N he doesn't want to try. It's like he got brain washed and I get the feeling he thinks I'm a horrible person=( he wants me to understand his culture but he won't understand mine, grr...
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