New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Why multiple meetings? If this is about saying goodbye, and you two haven't really spoken much, or seen each other since your break up, I don't get why you wouldn't just meet up once to catch up and say goodbye?
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 You're right in that if I misread this as he already hung out with her, I would have to simply say, tell the gf he's going to hang out with his friend; make sure the ex knows he has a gf prior to meeting up. I think the gf has the right to know it is his ex as well as 'friend'. But still. He made the arrangements already. We all know he's going regardless. He shows guilt, so something is amiss.
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I still think it's shaddy to arrange it, then worry about what your gf will think, and how or if to tell her......... Shady as it seems yes, however as he has already stated it was her old friend that called up this meeting and from my point of view Exiled is someone who cares too much about peoples feelings and what other people are thinking which is causing him to be confused and maybe a little paranoid. Which cause him to say yes at the moment.
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I think the gf has the right to know it is his ex as well as 'friend'. But still. He made the arrangements already. We all know he's going regardless. He shows guilt, so something is amiss. Yeah, I agree with you. I think it's kinda shady that the ex is such a fantastic friend, yet he hasn't really seen or spoken to her since they broke up. Also think it's weird that he would put the emphasis on the fact that she was an ex, and then go back and say (after we all said, tell the gf), "oh but you don't understand, she's more than an ex, she's a super amazing, close fantastic old friend (whom I haven't seen or spoken to in years, who doesn't know anything about my life, like about my current gf)"
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Shady as it seems yes, however as he has already stated it was her old friend that called up this meeting and from my point of view Exiled is someone who cares too much about peoples feelings and what other people are thinking which is causing him to be confused and maybe a little paranoid. Which cause him to say yes at the moment. So, what caused him to put "EX" in the thread title?
boogieboy Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 This is going nowhere. Well it seems youre going to hang with your ex no matter what. So how do you plan on explaining this to your GF with out her percieving the wrong idea?
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Really guys... this whole site is there to help people with their problems, they state a problem we give our support and try to help them out in their time of need. It is NOT however a crime scence investigation where the thread starter states a problem and we try to uncover hidden truths and tear him apart... PLEASE stop the random acquisitions that something more is amist its driving me nuts.
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 So, what caused him to put "EX" in the thread title? From my point of view, hes a bit young and just choose the wrong words. And he put "ex" in the title to stress the problem at hand... if the problem was "should I tell my gf that im seeing my good friend thats a girl"... really? If her girlfriend had a problem with that, than she is too protective and dominant.
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Really guys... this whole site is there to help people with their problems, they state a problem we give our support and try to help them out in their time of need. It is NOT however a crime scence investigation where the thread starter states a problem and we try to uncover hidden truths and tear him apart... PLEASE stop the random acquisitions that something more is amist its driving me nuts. I haven't gotten the impression that anyone here thinks the OP is going to cheat on his gf or something. Everyone's advice is directed at two things: 1. Having a healthy relationship with his gf, which includes communication, respect, honesty, and consideration of her and her feelings. 2. There is more to the situation at hand which might be detrimental to #1.
AlektraClementine Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 it all comes down to priorities. Two people stand to get their feelings possibly hurt. Girl A- Ex girlfriend. She stands to get hurt because you don't "hang out" with her. Girl B- Current girlfriend. She stands to get hurt because you are hanging out with someone who's vagina your penis has been in. Without her being around. Who's feelings do you care more about. Will your ex eventually get over the hurt? Will your girlfriend eventually get over the hurt? It's all about analysis here. And guys - don't be so quick to discredit the female opinion here. The OP is in fact dealing with a female. Our opinions are going to be more in tune with his girlfriend (most likely).
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 From my point of view, hes a bit young and just choose the wrong words. And he put "ex" in the title to stress the problem at hand... if the problem was "should I tell my gf that im seeing my good friend thats a girl"... really? If her girlfriend had a problem with that, than she is too protective and dominant. It doesn't really matter. The fact is, no matter how "good" of a friend this ex is, she is STILL an ex. This means that he once had romantic feelings for her and vice versa. There's a chance those feelings could still be there. Same goes for attraction. Possibly he has also seen this girl naked, had sex with her, etc. They've probably kissed and been intimate (physically and emotionally) in other ways as well. Therefore, this "friend" can NEVER EVER be "JUST" a friend.
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I haven't gotten the impression that anyone here thinks the OP is going to cheat on his gf or something. Everyone's advice is directed at two things: 1. Having a healthy relationship with his gf, which includes communication, respect, honesty, and consideration of her and her feelings. 2. There is more to the situation at hand which might be detrimental to #1. Well.. I, in so many words, suggested that it could be possible. But I think most of us agree with that. I never said, though, that he WILL cheat. I just think there's way too many convenient reasons and excuses. And phrases such as, if I have to resort to this for my gf... And if he truly felt it was no big deal, I don't think he'd be pondering how to tell the gf.
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I haven't gotten the impression that anyone here thinks the OP is going to cheat on his gf or something. Everyone's advice is directed at two things: 1. Having a healthy relationship with his gf, which includes communication, respect, honesty, and consideration of her and her feelings. 2. There is more to the situation at hand which might be detrimental to #1. You hoesntly tell me that you feel like no one in this whole thread is sneaking in direct attacks? How would you feel right now should you be the thread starter and im telling you "dude you probably have other priorities in your mind" or "this is too coincidental" or "you must be feeling guilty because of something you have done" *edit* This may be a bit too straightforward and apologize to whom im targeting, but im trying to state a point
northstar1 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 it all comes down to priorities. Two people stand to get their feelings possibly hurt. Girl A- Ex girlfriend. She stands to get hurt because you don't "hang out" with her. Girl B- Current girlfriend. She stands to get hurt because you are hanging out with someone who's vagina your penis has been in. Without her being around. Who's feelings do you care more about. Will your ex eventually get over the hurt? Will your girlfriend eventually get over the hurt? It's all about analysis here. And guys - don't be so quick to discredit the female opinion here. The OP is in fact dealing with a female. Our opinions are going to be more in tune with his girlfriend (most likely). You have a way with words AC. Good stuff.
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 You hoesntly tell me that you feel like no one in this whole thread is sneaking in direct attacks? How would you feel right now should you be the thread starter and im telling you "dude you probably have other priorities in your mind" or "this is too coincidental" or "you must be feeling guilty because of something you have done" *edit* This may be a bit too straightforward and apologize to whom im targeting, but im trying to state a point If that were the case I would either 1. Take a closer look at my feelings and motivation, because they have presented something I hadn't thought about, or possibly wasn't being totally honest with myself. 2. Disregard their advice, because I 100% knew they were wrong.
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 And guys - don't be so quick to discredit the female opinion here. The OP is in fact dealing with a female. Our opinions are going to be more in tune with his girlfriend (most likely). I'm sorry if you guys took that wrongly. All I ment to say was that everyone seemed to assumed that the OP ment one thing while I saw it differntly.
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 And in reference to your edit, Thaddius, I think that everyone here has presented a view that the OP may not have thought of, and probably presented how his gf might view this situation. We don't know her, and we can only go on the information the OP presents, and how he presents it. It is a very real possibility that the gf might think the OP is shady/cheating/whatever.
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 If that were the case I would either 1. Take a closer look at my feelings and motivation, because they have presented something I hadn't thought about, or possibly wasn't being totally honest with myself. 2. Disregard their advice, because I 100% knew they were wrong. Exactly. And I know I'm the one who said it, and I'm not afraid to admit. Having guilt does not come out of no where. Normally it's that little voiced reminding you that something you are doing is wrong. If he felt he was doing no wrong, he wouldn't be here posting, I don't believe, and then add the other points in... well that's how I calculated my opinion. But I never said he plans on cheating or will. I think it's just a good possibility. Old feelings could arise, attraction might still be there... you never know.
AlektraClementine Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I'm sorry if you guys took that wrongly. All I ment to say was that everyone seemed to assumed that the OP ment one thing while I saw it differntly. I've dealt with this in my own relationship so I know exactly what you mean. And I know how "harmless" some men may think it is to be palling around with an ex. Unfortunately, I believe in the whole "perception is 9/10ths of reality" saying. I try to keep this in mind when I entertain having ANY male friends. The OP should keep in mind that his girlfriend's take on this will create a much bigger uphill battle for him vs what he has to deal with as far as the ex's feelings.
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Ok, well lets just end this, im sure all this argueing is not helping the OP Everyone just state your final and last opnion on this matter. My point of view, see this ex of yours, no matter what she is a dear friend to you and I'm not one for pushing friends aside. However do tell your girlfriend about this meeting, by not telling her you risk her jumping to conclusions. Explain things to her and be pure with your actions. Don't give her any reason to question you otherwise. Do promise her however that this is just one rare meeting and limit hanging out with your ex as much as possible. If she doesn't see the situation and hardship you are gettin put through than theres probably something you DO need to relook at... Good Luck
AlektraClementine Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 You have a way with words AC. Good stuff. Haha. Thanks! Tell that to my fiance. He thinks I'm callous and too clinical sometimes.
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 We'll let Exiled decide for himself what he wants to do with our final statements.
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 We'll let Exiled decide for himself what he wants to do with our final statements. Well of course he will, no one can make him do anything. If you're tired of the thread, stop posting. You just make me wanna be a douche and keep posting here - don't tell me what to do! :laugh:
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Well of course he will, no one can make him do anything. If you're tired of the thread, stop posting. You just make me wanna be a douche and keep posting here - don't tell me what to do! :laugh: Your free to do as you please, but I think that all this arguement back and forth isnt helping him come to his final conclusion at all thats all, nothing more.
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