New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 i call her my ex, and thats all you guys see her for (my ex) You probably would have gotten different responses and a different tone had your OP not stated that you were doing this without your gf's knowledge, and stating that you felt like you should tell her....
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 With my statement above, i think that you should go see your "old friend". Your girlfriend should understand your situation, she has no right to make you choose between your good friend and her. If your girlfriend has any decency in her she will see you for meeting your old friend and not your ex. Just keep your intentions pure and straightforward don't do anything that will cause her to think otherwise. And I would tell your girlfriend about this asap
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 With my statement above, i think that you should go see your "old friend". Your girlfriend should understand your situation, she has no right to make you choose between your good friend and her. If your girlfriend has any decency in her she will see you for meeting your old friend and not your ex. Just keep your intentions pure and straightforward don't do anything that will cause her to think otherwise. And I would tell your girlfriend about this asap But the issue is that he already WAS NOT straightforward, and he DID do something to make his gf think this.
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 An ex is an ex. It's not as if there was no sex involved and they went out a few times. The title of this thread says it all. I don't have an issue (for the most part) with being friends with an ex (however, there's only one that I could say I'd be friends with, in my case), but it's how you go about it, and who you put first. It's about communication, honesty, and being trustworthy. How OP wants to handle this, is not trustworthy. I'd dump him in a second if he went without talking to me face to face. It's cowardly.
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 This friend is also an ex. So that fact detracts from your argument. Are you saying that someone whos once your good friend can no longer ever be just your good friend once they've been your ex? You should treat that dear friend differently because he/she is now your ex.
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Are you saying that someone whos once your good friend can no longer ever be just your good friend once they've been your ex? You should treat that dear friend differently because he/she is now your ex. No, but if the ex was a real friend, gf would know about her, and the ex/friend would know about the gf. Come on.
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 But the issue is that he already WAS NOT straightforward, and he DID do something to make his gf think this. how so? i skimmed through the thread and didnt pick any up
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I like how everyone here thinks alike, yet no one can see that this ex as he calls it is obviously a good friend. Whos usually there for you in your time of need a good friend or your current girlfriend? Well apparently in this case, a gf, now ex. Whos do you usually keep longer, a good friend of your girlfriend? Apparently, in this case, a gf, now ex. Girl/boyfriends come and go, friends are something people who with a strong bond create. So what about his current gf? He can't have a strong bond with her, she can't be there for him (he can't use her for emotional support??), she can't become (if she's not already) a good friend?? Geez, I wonder what types of relationships you have with your gfs.
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 how so? i skimmed through the thread and didnt pick any up He already has been hanging out with the ex and not telling his gf about it. He feels like he should tell her, but doesn't want to. How is that straightforward?
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 No, but if the ex was a real friend, gf would know about her, and the ex/friend would know about the gf. Come on. Yup, pretty much. This ex is someone he hasn't spoken to or hung out with since they broke up years ago.
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 He already has been hanging out with the ex and not telling his gf about it. He feels like he should tell her, but doesn't want to. How is that straightforward? Oooooh I missed this part, where'd you read it? I thought they had just been talking. Still, I agree, he's doing something that is a no no. Guilt says it all. And really, if it was a good friend, the title would say, "How do I tell my gf about my good friend"
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Well apparently in this case, a gf, now ex. Apparently, in this case, a gf, now ex. So what about his current gf? He can't have a strong bond with her, she can't be there for him (he can't use her for emotional support??), she can't become (if she's not already) a good friend?? Geez, I wonder what types of relationships you have with your gfs. The point im trying to stress is that you guys are putting your girl/boyfriend over your friends. From my point of view what you guys are stating is that now that you have a girlfriend its only her feelings that matter, everything else is second and can be pushed aside until your girlfriend is happy. Thats not how a relationship works. That girlfriend may take it a little wrong at first but its not something a good chat cant resolve. If you havent done anything to cause her to not trust you I don't see why this isnt a situation you can resolve. She has no right to make you choose her over your friends.
norajane Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 how so? i skimmed through the thread and didnt pick any up It was in his OP. He's already hanging out with the ex and not telling his gf about it. In later posts, he reveals he has not told his friend that he has a gf, but he "assumes" she knows. Now that we have more time on our hands she invited me to hang out some with her for old times sake. She may be my ex but she is still one of my good friend(girl). We arranged a few hangouts. I'm debating whether I need to tell my gf that im hanging out with my ex or not.
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 He already has been hanging out with the ex and not telling his gf about it. He feels like he should tell her, but doesn't want to. How is that straightforward? Where did he state that he was already hanging out with her ex? Please quote this, I can't seem to find that part.
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 The point im trying to stress is that you guys are putting your girl/boyfriend over your friends. From my point of view what you guys are stating is that now that you have a girlfriend its only her feelings that matter, everything else is second and can be pushed aside until your girlfriend is happy. Thats not how a relationship works. That girlfriend may take it a little wrong at first but its not something a good chat cant resolve. If you havent done anything to cause her to not trust you I don't see why this isnt a situation you can resolve. She has no right to make you choose her over your friends. In a general sense I completely agree with you. However, in this case (as far as I understand the situation as posted), there are too many circumstances that kinda make this not really as straightfoward as you are writing here.
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 It was in his OP. He's already hanging out with the ex and not telling his gf about it. In later posts, he reveals he has not told his friend that he has a gf, but he "assumes" she knows. Thanks norajane
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 It was in his OP. He's already hanging out with the ex and not telling his gf about it. In later posts, he reveals he has not told his friend that he has a gf, but he "assumes" she knows. What "I" see in the OP is that he has arranged an hangout or 2 with her ex, and is debating on whether he should tell her gf about these "arranged" hangouts that has not yet been initiated. No where do I see him state that these hangouts have already been initiated.
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 It was in his OP. He's already hanging out with the ex and not telling his gf about it. In later posts, he reveals he has not told his friend that he has a gf, but he "assumes" she knows. Ooohhh I miss read... I thought I read that they were arranging. This just makes it twenty times worse. I feel so bad for your gf. And all you're worried about is hanging out with her again for a formal good bye? What, like a slap on the ass and saying 'go get em tiger'?
norajane Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Ooohhh I miss read... I thought I read that they were arranging. This just makes it twenty times worse. I feel so bad for your gf. And all you're worried about is hanging out with her again for a formal good bye? What, like a slap on the ass and saying 'go get em tiger'? Yes, already hanging out, but he's worried about arranging the final goodbye.
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Yes, already hanging out, but he's worried about arranging the final goodbye. Personally I think that everyone else currently argueing with me is a girl (sorry if im mistaken) and that may be why I see that in the OP he doesn't state that he is "already" hanging out... but anyhow that is our assumptions on whether he has already hanged out with his ex or not. Therefore Exiled, please clearify for us whether you have already hanged out with your ex or not. If you have i frown upon you as you have screwed up.
Author ExiledLyCan Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Personally I think that everyone else currently argueing with me is a girl (sorry if im mistaken) and that may be why I see that in the OP he doesn't state that he is "already" hanging out... but anyhow that is our assumptions on whether he has already hanged out with his ex or not. Therefore Exiled, please clearify for us whether you have already hanged out with your ex or not. If you have i frown upon you as you have screwed up. no, we have not started hanging out yet, these hangouts can still be canceled as they have not happened yet. and as far as i can tell most of you guys know this seeing as you guys told me to call off the meetings, if ive already hanged out with my ex there wouldnt be a way for me to call those hangouts off. sorry if you were confused, but no we havent hanged out yet, they have just been arranged, nothing more
Thaddius Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 no, we have not started hanging out yet, these hangouts can still be canceled as they have not happened yet. and as far as i can tell most of you guys know this seeing as you guys told me to call off the meetings, if ive already hanged out with my ex there wouldnt be a way for me to call those hangouts off. sorry if you were confused, but no we havent hanged out yet, they have just been arranged, nothing more Well there you have it, the meetings have only been arranged and not yet initiated.
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 no, we have not started hanging out yet, these hangouts can still be canceled as they have not happened yet. and as far as i can tell most of you guys know this seeing as you guys told me to call off the meetings, if ive already hanged out with my ex there wouldnt be a way for me to call those hangouts off. sorry if you were confused, but no we havent hanged out yet, they have just been arranged, nothing more I still think it's shaddy to arrange it, then worry about what your gf will think, and how or if to tell her.........
New Again Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Personally I think that everyone else currently argueing with me is a girl (sorry if im mistaken) and that may be why I see that in the OP he doesn't state that he is "already" hanging out... but anyhow that is our assumptions on whether he has already hanged out with his ex or not. Therefore Exiled, please clearify for us whether you have already hanged out with your ex or not. If you have i frown upon you as you have screwed up. You're right in that if I misread this as he already hung out with her, I would have to simply say, tell the gf he's going to hang out with his friend; make sure the ex knows he has a gf prior to meeting up.
laRubiaBonita Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Well there you have it, the meetings have only been arranged and not yet initiated. so there is the oppurtunity for Exiled to tell current GF that he plans on hanging out with an old good friend of his before she leaves the country, and exiled can invite current gf if he wants. simple
Recommended Posts