tigressA Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 There's this guy at my part-time job who I'm developing a major-league crush on; I'll call him CJ. I've known CJ for over a month now and we've flirted a few times; one of my other coworkers told me that he thinks I'm very pretty. Whenever we see each other he gives me a big smile and says "Hi". I respond in kind, also blushing and giggling like an idiot. The things he makes me feel...I'm kind of embarrassed to write them here! The problem is, I'm going to be leaving for school in less than 3 weeks and I won't be in the area again. One of the last times CJ and I talked I told him about my leaving for school soon, and he asked me for my screenname and I got his, but I haven't seen him online. I don't want to let this opportunity pass me by. If CJ and I really clicked the distance wouldn't be much of a problem, and even if he doesn't feel the same way it'd be easy to get over him because I'm leaving in a few weeks and just won't see him again. I want to tell CJ I like him and that I want to get to know him better, but I see him at work only rarely and by chance because we're in different departments and most of the time we work different shifts; when he's on his way out for the day I'm just getting in. I definitely will not do it online because that's tacky; slipping him a note is childish and cowardly, and I don't have his phone number. I'd prefer to do it in person but my circumstances are very limiting. Can anyone help me out here?
vertical Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 First off, how old are you guys? You're right. To tell him online is tacky and it is probably best that he hasnt logged on so you dont get tempted. Maybe you could wait around for him for when he gets off work? Or maybe just come in early and see if you can get a chance to say hi to him? Maybe even take a day off and wait until he gets off work and meet with him or something.
Author tigressA Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 I'm 22; he's 21. I wouldn't be tempted to tell him online even if he did sign on; I've gone that route once before and I really regretted it. I would never, ever do it again because it's just stupid. I think he at least suspects that I'm interested in him; the day he asked me for my screenname I (stupidly!) blurted something like, "It wasn't hard for me to notice you around here at all, and I felt like I wanted to notice you more, but then I never really got to see you around." He smiled and said, "I noticed you too, some time ago." That day I did come in early and caught him on his break, but every other time I tried to do that it was with no success. Last week I brought in cookies and saved him one after everyone else devoured them; I brought it to him (I noticed the room he'd gone into and that he hadn't left). He thanked me for thinking of him and said the cookie was "excellent". A couple of other times he said I looked nice, and I would always return the compliment. But basically, our seeing each other does just come down to chance most, if not all of the time.
D-Lish Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I'm 22; he's 21. I wouldn't be tempted to tell him online even if he did sign on; I've gone that route once before and I really regretted it. I would never, ever do it again because it's just stupid. I think he at least suspects that I'm interested in him; the day he asked me for my screenname I (stupidly!) blurted something like, "It wasn't hard for me to notice you around here at all, and I felt like I wanted to notice you more, but then I never really got to see you around." He smiled and said, "I noticed you too, some time ago." That day I did come in early and caught him on his break, but every other time I tried to do that it was with no success. Last week I brought in cookies and saved him one after everyone else devoured them; I brought it to him (I noticed the room he'd gone into and that he hadn't left). He thanked me for thinking of him and said the cookie was "excellent". A couple of other times he said I looked nice, and I would always return the compliment. But basically, our seeing each other does just come down to chance most, if not all of the time. You shouldn't have to try this hard to meet a guy- ever. Let him seek you out, not the other way around. Never be that girl that seeks out a guy.
Author tigressA Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 You shouldn't have to try this hard to meet a guy- ever. Let him seek you out, not the other way around. Never be that girl that seeks out a guy. Well, I actually never make the first move--he's always the one to say hi first or strike up a conversation, if it's possible to do that. I only brought the cookie in to him myself because I knew he wouldn't get any at all if I hadn't. Telling him I noticed him before was stupid, but I had lost my head; I was giddy because I was actually having a conversation with him, which as I said, isn't possible most of the time.
Trialbyfire Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 You shouldn't have to try this hard to meet a guy- ever. Let him seek you out, not the other way around. Never be that girl that seeks out a guy.Wise words. Tigress, you've already made your interest known. Now let this guy do his thing. Stand still and if a guy is interested in you he'll come to you. When he does, give him the big, green light. If he doesn't, shrug and move on. This means that you don't go looking for him online. Let him look for you online. When he approaches, make it a pleasant experience each time by flirting and making him laugh, so you're on his mind.
D-Lish Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Well, I actually never make the first move--he's always the one to say hi first or strike up a conversation, if it's possible to do that. I only brought the cookie in to him myself because I knew he wouldn't get any at all if I hadn't. Telling him I noticed him before was stupid, but I had lost my head; I was giddy because I was actually having a conversation with him, which as I said, isn't possible most of the time. I am not slamming ya- just gently reminding that you should never chase a man. Seeking out a dude with a cookie you saved for him is seeking him out. You don't have to defend any of the actions- I'm just saying- don't chase.
Author tigressA Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Okay, I understand. I'm still working on getting used to having all these feelings (I ended my longest relationship several weeks ago but it was over long before then); it's just so exciting having a crush again and I just want everything to happen all at once; I'm sure you know what I mean , but I just have to be patient and let him come to me, like you've all said. It's also just a bit more difficult because of the fact that I'm leaving in less than 3 weeks and while I have a way of talking to him, if nothing happens while I'm still here then it's unlikely anything ever will. Argh.
Un-Conventional Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 First and foremost let me say tigress your new picture is better than the last, not that Im stalking u or anything but I have seen a few of your other post with the old picture, and your crush is a fool not to sweep you off your feet immediately especially after the cookie move. Now on to the matter at hand, Imma have to disagree with some of the advice given by others of just stand still and let him come to you, I know how the tradition works "man approachs woman" and I agree with it but unfortunately it won't always go down like that and since you have limited time and the fact that you rarely cross paths, I think you should go head and say what you feel. And I think you may have said he was shy (not that he should be excused for that reason) but obviously that will make him hesitate. So to make this cut and dry you have two options: Make the move yourself so you will have no regret/have to wonder 3 weeks from now. OR Stand still with your fingers crossed, lucky rabbit's foot, and magic 8-ball saying "ask again later" lol, and hope that he will make the move he should have a long time ago.
Author tigressA Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 First and foremost let me say tigress your new picture is better than the last, not that Im stalking u or anything but I have seen a few of your other post with the old picture, and your crush is a fool not to sweep you off your feet immediately especially after the cookie move. Now on to the matter at hand, Imma have to disagree with some of the advice given by others of just stand still and let him come to you, I know how the tradition works "man approachs woman" and I agree with it but unfortunately it won't always go down like that and since you have limited time and the fact that you rarely cross paths, I think you should go head and say what you feel. And I think you may have said he was shy (not that he should be excused for that reason) but obviously that will make him hesitate. So to make this cut and dry you have two options: Make the move yourself so you will have no regret/have to wonder 3 weeks from now. OR Stand still with your fingers crossed, lucky rabbit's foot, and magic 8-ball saying "ask again later" lol, and hope that he will make the move he should have a long time ago. First off, thanks for the compliment . I do feel more biased toward the idea that I should just make the move, if only because of the short time frame I'm working with here and that we do cross paths only rarely. There was a time when I went more than a week without seeing him at all, either because we were working different shifts or there was no work available for me to be able to do. I missed out on 3 days of work just last week because there were no new projects; I might miss out on today too. He only works during the week while I have one day off during the week and work one weekend day. I've been thinking that that in itself gives me a bit of a mysterious vibe and he might've wondered about where I was. I never really liked that "chasing/not chasing, etc" aspect of dating anyway--while most people advocate it I've always thought of it as manipulative. What's so wrong with just saying what you feel--keeping it short and simple, of course--just an "I like you and I want to get to know you better"? I'd rather be straightforward and find out what's going through his head so I can use the rest of my time here to work on either getting over him or getting to know him more, instead of speculating.
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Me... I wouldn't even go for it. There's not enough time to create a concrete bond, before leaving three hours away.
boogieboy Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 he obviously is too shy, (or has a gf) or you arent flirting enough for him to get the hint for him to make a move, or ask you for your number. Hes not going to make the move for you unless you turn it up. Hes not feelin it. You need to flirt more, or just ask him for it straight up. You will really be 3 hours away from him when you leave? Not worth it. Dont do it.
Trialbyfire Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 tigress, I'm going to amend my advice. If you prefer alphas, then my advice stands. If you prefer men who aren't as direct or bold, then it's probably not the kind of advice you need.
Author tigressA Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 he obviously is too shy, (or has a gf) or you arent flirting enough for him to get the hint for him to make a move, or ask you for your number. Hes not going to make the move for you unless you turn it up. Hes not feelin it. You need to flirt more, or just ask him for it straight up. You will really be 3 hours away from him when you leave? Not worth it. Dont do it. Ask him for what? You could be right; he does seem shy. I'm really out of practice with this; it's why I'm posting here... And I respectfully disagree with the distance thing--I had a similar situation like this with my last boyfriend and we ended up dating for close to 2 years. It's entirely possible. If I didn't think it was I wouldn't have bothered.
boogieboy Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Ask him for what? You could be right; he does seem shy. I'm really out of practice with this; it's why I'm posting here... And I respectfully disagree with the distance thing--I had a similar situation like this with my last boyfriend and we ended up dating for close to 2 years. It's entirely possible. If I didn't think it was I wouldn't have bothered. For his phone number. You prefer to tell people your feelings straight up, why should a number be any different?
Author tigressA Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 For his phone number. You prefer to tell people your feelings straight up, why should a number be any different? Oh, okay. I suspected that's what you meant but you just said "it", so I thought it'd be good to make sure... I might be going into work earlier today, and if that happens I'll most likely be seeing him. Argh, now that I've decided to be more direct with him I just feel so nervous about it! It's been almost two years since I've last had a crush; it's nerve-wracking, but exciting.
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