Hkizzle Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Just curious what reasons most posters can come up with. First of all the US is more religious than most other Western developed countries. Yet the divorce rate in the US is significantly higher than most countries in Europe. Why is that? As for cheating. If everyone frowns on cheating. Why is the cheating rate as high as 50% for men, and 25% for women? (Surveys are not accurate because people lie even in confidential surveys). Just curious why you think this is, because despite the social pressures to get married and to stay faithful it seems people are going the other way. An interesting article I read recently said it's because Americans value their independence and individuality too much.
Author Hkizzle Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Women have more rights here. lol........
Citizen Drawn Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Because it's tough to make a marriage work these days for numerous reasons, simple as that. Just too many external pressures and lots of choice.
Author Hkizzle Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Because it's tough to make a marriage work these days for numerous reasons, simple as that. Just too many external pressures and lots of choice. That's true everywhere, but the US seems especially high. It's not like I'm comparing the difference between the US and Iran.
Citizen Drawn Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 That's true everywhere, but the US seems especially high. It's not like I'm comparing the difference between the US and Iran. Well, the fact that there's a lot of mobility and movement which leads to a breakaway from the family probably has a big part to play in it. As does economics, lots of people continue to be paired because it's economically less viable to part, and in other developed countries this is still the case. You have to remember that the US is a really rich country. Plus if it's seen as normal then it becomes easier to get out of it - that's a bit of a vicious cycle.
loveslife Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I think it could be a number of things. 1. Maybe it's because our society in the US views everything as disposable. 2. People don't take commitment seriously. It's too easy to get out of things. 3. Dishonesty is a norm to a degree. 4. Maybe people aren't supposed to be with just one other person. Maybe the structure of marriage and fidelity was put together in a time that is outdated. Maybe people in the US feel freer than other countries to rebel against constricts that should no longer exist. 5. Maybe people are more broken here than other countries or more free to express just how broken inside that they are. 6. maybe it's something else or something we cannot define.
Citizen Erased Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 They're high in a lot of countries, not just the US. In countries that don't have a penalty of being stoned (and not in the fun way) or otherwise physically punished if caught cheating. And countries that divorcing doesn't make you a complete social outcast. No-one could care less if their neighbour is divorced. Unless they are divorced because one of them was doing the milk man, then that's just fun gossip.
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I think more and more often now, people get married for the wrong reasons.
Author Hkizzle Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 They're high in a lot of countries, not just the US. In countries that don't have a penalty of being stoned (and not in the fun way) or otherwise physically punished if caught cheating. And countries that divorcing doesn't make you a complete social outcast. No-one could care less if their neighbour is divorced. Unless they are divorced because one of them was doing the milk man, then that's just fun gossip. Yes the rate is above 1/3 in most developed nations, but the US has ranked near the highest for a long time. The article I read said it's because of a culture of marriage and individuality mixed in together. For example more Europeans actually think marriage is an outdated institution. In other words, whether it's cheating or marriage. Having high moral standards but a culture of going with your feelings adds a volatile mix.
BobSacamento Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I bet America leads the World in people getting re-married too.
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I bet America leads the World in people getting re-married too. My dad is on his third wife - my mom was his second. He didn't have any kids with his first. My mom is on her third as well. I was the only child she had though, and my dad was her first. Both of my step parents are on their second marriage. I do not want to follow this pattern.
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I also have a friend who isn't even past 30, she's divorced twice, 2 kids from each marriage. And now dating a 'married' guy.
Trialbyfire Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I honestly don't know why it's so difficult for some people to be monogamous. It's sooooooooooooo easy. Having said that, everyone is different but one thing's for certain. If you can't be monogamous, don't get married. If you can't stay monogamous after being married for a length of time, get divorced. Infidelity needs to be classified as a form of abuse, punishable by jail time.
Citizen Drawn Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Infidelity needs to be classified as a form of abuse, punishable by jail time. Jeez, that's going to go down like a lead balloon.
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I honestly don't know why it's so difficult for some people to be monogamous. It's sooooooooooooo easy. Having said that, everyone is different but one thing's for certain. If you can't be monogamous, don't get married. If you can't stay monogamous after being married for a length of time, get divorced. Infidelity needs to be classified as a form of abuse, punishable by jail time. I agree. How hard is it to keep your pants on (except with your SO), and if you can't keep them on, how hard is it to wait until you've ended it?
Trialbyfire Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I agree. How hard is it to keep your pants on (except with your SO), and if you can't keep them on, how hard is it to wait until you've ended it?I just shake my head with people. It's more difficult for me to not be monogamous, than it is to be monogamous, once in a committed relationship. But maybe that's it. Not everyone is capable of deeper emotions, the ability to connect beyond the physical, the kind that creates commitment. Anyways, that's my take on why the infidelity inspired divorce rate is so high.
Author Hkizzle Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 I honestly don't know why it's so difficult for some people to be monogamous. It's sooooooooooooo easy. Maybe because in your opinion it's easy and in theory it sound be, but in reality human nature and for many people it's not? It's like saying, it's sooooooooooo easy to have world peace, after all how hard is it not for human beings to kill each other? Reality is another matter. Unfortunately.......
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Because people go into it crammed full of unrealistic expectations and highly romanticized notions that they are fed by the popular media: books, magazines, etc. They think that the person they are standing at the altar with will be the same person throughout the marriage. Big mistake. Putting a ring on the finger does not stunt personal growth and change, nor will it stop physical changes. Physical preferences don't change as often as people do. You wake up one morning next to a stranger, and one or both of you can't accept the fact that the person you married isn't the same person now and that inability to cope with, accept or adapt to changes is what does them in in the end. They revert to and clutch on to that romanticized crap and find that they want to recapture it - just not with the person they are with now. The ones that last are the ones that have both a practical base (meaning that 'love' was only one reason to marry, not the only reason), and an ability for both partners to grow and change with each other without trying to box themselves into the confines of the expectations of a single day when rings were exchanged. Sometimes even that won't work though. It depends on how much the partners want to stick it out I guess. Another thing I guess is that divorce no longer comes with any sort of stigma. Marriage is a relatively disposable commodity these days.
Thaddeus Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Because people go into it crammed full of unrealistic expectations and highly romanticized notions that they are fed by the popular media: books, magazines, etc. They think that the person they are standing at the altar with will be the same person throughout the marriage. Big mistake.Bingo. Recently there was a UK study which concluded that young people have "incredibly high expectations of marriage" and that the idea of compromise in a relationship has virtually disappeared. See Divorce 'cool-off' period urged. Much of these unrealistic expectations flow from popular media, just like LB mentioned. One researcher said, "Films do capture the excitement of new relationships but they also wrongly suggest that trust and committed love exist from the moment people meet, whereas these are qualities that normally take years to develop." See Rom-coms can spoil your love life. Combine those unrealistic notions of marriage such as eternal bliss, romance, an "I want it ALL, and I won't settle!" culture and a (relatively) easy divorce process and this is the result: a skyrocketing divorce rate.
Woggle Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 People have this impossible fantasy view of commited relationships that can't possible be lived up to and when one spouse fails to live up to these expectations people get resentful. The idea of building a life together from scratch and facing the struggles of the world together seems to have disappeared.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I think it's because Aliens have subjected us to years of probing and made sure to oblierate the human race by first striking us with the growth of fast food chains and porn and the demise of marriage and fidelity. After the Aliens have succeded in their plot they will take over the world, one french fry at a time. Thus making us both fat and lonely.
Lizzie60 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 We now live in a disposable society... People no more make the effort to really understand their partner.. it's more about instant gratification... You talk about divorce (that can be 'calculated' in stats).. but if you add all the common-law relationships.. it would be more like 80% and more of 'divorce' or 'separation'... because in Canada.. common-law partners have the same rights as married partners in some provinces.. so I don't make any difference ... couples are couples. Women are more financially independant, it's easier nowdays to move on if we have an abusive partner (no like our grand'mothers who had to endure years of suffering ). This could be one of the main reason of so many separations.. women DO NOT accept (or don't HAVE TO) any kind of abusive relationship...
stace79 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 One thing my fiance brought up while having this discussion was "do they count people who have multiple divorces in the divorce rate?" For example, if you're counting a man/woman who've been married and divorced four times, that would over-inflate the stats. There might be five people who've had five marriages/divorces, but then also five couples who stayed married. See what I'm saying? I don't know how they do the stats. But keep in mind it's also a supposedly random, small sample to represent the whole country.
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