Mikka Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 I've been dating this guy I've known for 2 years, for the last 3 and a half months. I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling right now. Almost feelingless. Everything was very exciting and new the first month or two, and now it's like we have a set day on the weekend we hang out. It's all starting to feel very routine. He treats me like just one of the guys now, and he's dropped all his manners when he hangs out with me now too. Other issues... like he's said the 'I am in love with you' phrase to me, in an e-mail! Never have said it in person to me yet. I feel like there are some serious barriers in communication with this dude. I'm not going to ask him about it in person, but hope that the phrase someday comes out, and not in an e-mail. I think me and him both have some closeness issues. Some things I don't feel I can talk to him about. I don't understand this feeling? I know I'd be really upset if I lost this guy, but lately I feel as though we're getting 'too used to each other'. Nothing is wrong, but I get a gut feeling that something really is. Nothing is like what it was the first month. When we hang out the one day a week, it's usually from like 9 PM until 11 AM the next day. yet at the same time, it feels like we're around each other too much for me to even get the butterfly feeling I once had. So what happened! I've been thinking of giving him a mass amount of space... well not mass amount, but we only hang out like 1 weekend day a week, anyway so. I was thinking about doing NC for like a little over a week, or possibly two. To see if he contacts me. Has anyone been in a rut like this before? I feel like we're together too much to miss each other, but we really aren't....... Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Kinda sounds to me like the infatuation stage is wearing off and you're realizing there wasn't much more there beyond that. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Kinda sounds to me like the infatuation stage is wearing off and you're realizing there wasn't much more there beyond that. I agree with Soul on this one. If it wore off after three months (it usually goes 9 months to a two years) then this may not be the one. You may need to communicate how you feel, and depending on how he responds, move on, or start working on your connection. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 You guys are not at the point of needing Couple's Therapy, but you might consider trying to bring some liveliness to the R. Try considering new activities with each other like salsa dancing, or jogging together. Anything new and exciting will renew the intimate connection the both of you once shared. Try to get him into new things and try to increase the times you see each other. Only if all of these things fail and he's unwilling to try to work on things, then you might need to take a break from him to renew your perspectives on whether this relationship is right for you. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 I've been dating this guy I've known for 2 years, for the last 3 and a half months. I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling right now. Almost feelingless. Everything was very exciting and new the first month or two, and now it's like we have a set day on the weekend we hang out. It's all starting to feel very routine. He treats me like just one of the guys now, and he's dropped all his manners when he hangs out with me now too. Other issues... like he's said the 'I am in love with you' phrase to me, in an e-mail! Never have said it in person to me yet. I feel like there are some serious barriers in communication with this dude. I'm not going to ask him about it in person, but hope that the phrase someday comes out, and not in an e-mail. I think me and him both have some closeness issues. Some things I don't feel I can talk to him about. So far, this is all about how he's treating you...what about how you're treating him? Has that changed? It's not all on his shoulders - relationships take work and both of you have to continue treating each other as special or it will dwindle. Are you planning anything to do together, like going out dancing or to see a concert or live band in a pub? Are you suggesting getting together other days of the week for a bike ride in the park or swimming at the beach? Are you continuing to flirt with him like you used to, or have you dropped that and aren't putting much effort into making him feel special? You say you can't talk to him - has that always been the case, or is that new? It takes both of you to make this special. If you treat him like you're bored with him, he will treat you that way, too, and vice versa. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 You've reached the stage where the rush of first love and infatuation has given way to something that could prove to be even more meaningful. But it's a critical juncture - if your expectations are all about continual heart flutters and simultaneous orgasms and pink bunnies hopping happily in fields of love, well, that doesn't match with reality. So you've got a choice. You can try to re-create that almost-overwhelming feeling of first love with your partner (possible, but unlikely) or you can work through this and develop and even deeper, more meaningful connection... or you can stick to your unrealistic expectations and be disappointed, eventually dump him and start the process all over again with someone else. Choice, as always, is yours. Link to post Share on other sites
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