boy14 Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 I don't know if ppl are still on since it's late but I can't type this during the morning. Okay- adults and other old people please give me your opinion. It started because I was allowed to go driving by myself earlier this week bcuz I begged and pleaded. I went and picked up my friend, and we got out his camera and we taped ourselves singing Linkin Park, Metallica, and korn while driving. We thought we would laugh at ourselves and put it on Youtube or something. We taped the camera underneath the dashboard so my friend could strum guitar with both hands and I could drive- you know, like in those movies. I forgot about the camera and left it in the car- I regret it. I think I forgot because my friend talked about playing Grand theft auto. And then, my friend remembered the next day- wednesday- so we went to get it and hooked it up to laptops- I had to borrow my sister's. We got some laughs. Then, since we had kept it in there, I thought to spy on my older sister and see if she was kissing her boyfriend in the car too, and use it against her. She's always getting me in trouble but I can get suck-up attitude from her if I can blackmail her. But what we found was Mom. We fast-forwarded at first because she's boring but then when we stopped it again, we saw her with a new man in the car. We fast-forwarded it again because nobody wants to hear adults talk-sorry- but when we stopped this time, nobody was in the car- so we went forward again and then my Mom was back in it again and she was kissing the other man. I don't know if it was the same day or not. I wasn't paying attention. Not just a peck either but a snogging session. I feel horrible and immensely guilty and I know it's not but i feel like it's all my fault and I haven't told anyone. My friend asked if I wanted to see the rest and I told him no I didn't. He told me I could keep the camera for awhile until I decide what to do. I haven't done anything yet and I scared, scared, scared. I don't want to push the play button and i want to throw the camera away and spend my allowance and buy my friend a new one. I am thinking to not ever say anything and just let bygones be bygones. I mean the camera could get stuff wrong and Maybe they're just friends and I'm seeing things into it and my mom isn't a bad person at all. :(:(:(:( I asked my friend what to do and he said "I don't know" He's never any help.:(:(:( So now I'm asking strangers please. This may be mean but I would expect this of my Dad but not my Mom. They usually say men are the bad people. Old people only respond like 23 and up
TaraMaiden Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 Ok, well, if this is real, then you should take your mom aside and show her what you've got. Just ask her to watch the vid, on her own, and then tell her to decide what to do. if this is a trolling joke, you should sell it to a good studio, because the plot is great. I wiah I'd thought of it..... You could even do both. (it's the last line that makes me suspicious. I'd expect a 9-year-old to say it, but most 14-year-olds are more savvy than adults, and don't consider anyone under 60 to be old......)
tami-chan Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 That's a horrible secret to keep. First off. You do understand her kissing another man had nothing to do at all about you, right? Nor her love for you or her being a mother to you. Ask you mom and dad for a talk (together) and tell your mom that you had that camera on in the car on this date, at this particular time-that there are some stuff recorded there that you and your friend have watched that she might want to tell your dad about. Whatever comes out of this, is NOT your fault. BTW, I am over 30...definitely old...
TaraMaiden Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 *Disclaimer* assuming this is real..... he should not have the talk with mum and dad together. if this isn't his fault (which of course, it isn't) then it's not his place to force the revelation and expose his mum to his dad. That's her job. All he should do is prove to his mum he has the evidence, and ask her to deal with it. the fact he knows - and had the proof - is enough of a burden to deal with, but should also be enough of a catalyst to get his mum to do something.
Citizen Erased Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 Show your dad. Sorry, I'm a mere 21 but I figure my advice is better than a 14 year old. And my mum cheated on my dad and I knew it before he did and I did nothing. Tell him.
Hkizzle Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 I'm 30 and I would blackmail the crap out of my mum and get more allowance! Well this is an inconvenient situation. No you don't show your dad behind your mum's back, what the hell is that BS? You let your mum know and ask her what she thinks and what she wants to do about it. Does she still love your father or not happy with him? Cheating is never as simple as it seems, if you just see it as black and white then there's no fixing the situation.
Woggle Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 Take this as a learning experience at a young age and realize that most women will betray you just like your mother betrayed your father. I am sorry you had to see this at a young age but look at it as a wakeup call.
Hkizzle Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 Lol Woggle, you make me feel like getting married tomorrow.
Woggle Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 Lol Woggle, you make me feel like getting married tomorrow. I think it's better when kids learn reality at a young age.
lostsunsets Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 You need to confront your mom. And show her the video. Tell her that your heart is breaking and that she needs to tell your dad or you will. Tell her at the beginning you were actually blaming yourself for finding this. But you know its not your fault. I would suggest writing a letter to her so you won't get tongue tied. And then tell her thanks for stealing the rest of your childhood. This is a major weight that you should not have to bear. You should be angry at her for jeopardizing your family, and for what she has done to your father. If she doesn't tell him you have to. Understand. I'm 50. Married 30 years
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 This may be mean but I would expect this of my Dad but not my Mom. They usually say men are the bad people. Old people only respond like 23 and up It's not your job to tell anyone. That is your Mom's job. Delete all the crap on there, tell you mom about what you saw... and tell her that she needs to work that out with your father. I hate selfish jerk parents. Nobody has a right to put you in this situation. If it's a secret then it will eat you up... if you tell then you will feel responsible for the consequences. Just remember that nomatter what you choose to do... this isn't your fault at all. Not one tiny bit!!!
lkjh Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 if this is true, then tell your mom you know and she needs to confess. Tell her if she doesn't you will tell your dad. Don't let her trick you or guilt you into lying to your dad
mark982 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 i'd put the tape somewhere and hide it b/4 the conversation,cause moms gonna be pizzed. she's not going to appreciate a 14 yr. old raining on her parade.
quankanne Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 agree with mark about putting the video in a safe location, then letting your mom know what you've discovered. She's going to be pissed, yes, but how you respond is the moment you take that next step into adulthood: Let her know that you felt guilty about discovering this, and that while it's not completely your business, as a child of this marriage you've got a vested interest in your parents getting their shxt straightened out. That she needs to talk to Dad about what's going on with her kissing another man, pronto. And that the video is in a safe spot for now. do NOT give it up, if need be, check for a date & time, note what she's wearing and the identification of the unknown man (if you don't know him, you can describe him as the big guy with blond hair & mustache, etc). this might be construed as blackmail, but at this point, you were unknowingly yanked into her affair, and you just want her to straighten things out because it affects the family. a last resort (if she hasn't had the talk with dad) is to let dad know what you've discovered, and offer to show them the video together. until it comes out, that film shouldn't leave your hands. Again, this might be construed as blackmail, but at this point, you're being forced to act on something you as a youngster shouldn't be dealing with in the first place. just some input from an old, married 40-something woman.
Author boy14 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Thank you everybody for you help so much. I will go back and answer them all individually if I have the time and the will. I need to get some stuff off my chest. My father took me to a racecar track meet today. It was just me and him. My sister didn't want to go. Instead, she'll sit at home and run up the phone bill. And my mother said she was going over a friend's house. So, it was just me and him, and it was fun. My father betted on one of the cars and he won. He's always lucky like that. I look like him. A lot. I look like a short, blonde version of him. It shatters me. I never thought of my father with feelings. I realized how very egocentric I am when it comes to my life- I just never thought my parents had human qualities. They always seemed larger than life, larger than hurt and pain especially. Like two big constants with no feelings outside of my own. I don't want to hurt anyone. But that's not true. I have been appeasing my anger late at night- dreaming about the strange new guy in the camera, mutilating and disembowling him for touching my mother, and hurting my family. If I dream of a bad guy I got to beat, he's got a face now, let's just say that. I've been beating my pillow to a pulp the last couple of days. My mother is the best. The day after I found out, I went down for dinner. I was quiet and deep in thought and my mother asked me flat out, "Something's bothering you?" I wonder how she knew. It didn't help that I turned beet red at that moment either. When I told her no, she left me alone. Later though, I heard Dad telling her I was going through puberty and boys will be moody and she should just give me some space. Yes, I still got the camera and yes, I'm still thinking it out. Your responses help though- I know I've got to make a decision. I think my friend feels bad because he used to have a crush on my mother. He doesn't say anything now though. I asked him again what I should do and he said, "I think you should think about it." He's never help.
Author boy14 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 That's a horrible secret to keep. First off. You do understand her kissing another man had nothing to do at all about you, right? Nor her love for you or her being a mother to you. Ask you mom and dad for a talk (together) and tell your mom that you had that camera on in the car on this date, at this particular time-that there are some stuff recorded there that you and your friend have watched that she might want to tell your dad about. Whatever comes out of this, is NOT your fault. BTW, I am over 30...definitely old... Tami, I think this is the best idea. Doing it with them together takes the decision from me from deciding between the two of them. I would feel as if I'm betraying either of them if I did it the other way. Should I let my sister on it to first? She's smart and clever- she'll know how to say what I want to say and she's older than me. Then, I won't have to do it alone.
Author boy14 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 You need to confront your mom. And show her the video. Tell her that your heart is breaking and that she needs to tell your dad or you will. Tell her at the beginning you were actually blaming yourself for finding this. But you know its not your fault. I would suggest writing a letter to her so you won't get tongue tied. And then tell her thanks for stealing the rest of your childhood. This is a major weight that you should not have to bear. You should be angry at her for jeopardizing your family, and for what she has done to your father. If she doesn't tell him you have to. Understand. I'm 50. Married 30 years I wish I was angry at my mother. But instead, my mind has been looking for anything to defend her. I've been analyzing my Dad, thinking horrible thoughts like, "He doesn't take her out" or "he doesn't compliment her" and "It's really all his fault" and that's why she did it. My Mom wouldn't seek affection without other reasons... but of course, I don't know that. To me, there are only two people who are jeopardizing my family and it's me and the strange new guy in the camera. I hate him. He's evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil and evil x 10000000000000000000000000000000000
Author boy14 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 agree with mark about putting the video in a safe location, then letting your mom know what you've discovered. She's going to be pissed, yes, but how you respond is the moment you take that next step into adulthood: do NOT give it up, if need be, check for a date & time, note what she's wearing and the identification of the unknown man (if you don't know him, you can describe him as the big guy with blond hair & mustache, etc). a last resort (if she hasn't had the talk with dad) is to let dad know what you've discovered, and offer to show them the video together. until it comes out, that film shouldn't leave your hands. Again, this might be construed as blackmail, but at this point, you're being forced to act on something you as a youngster shouldn't be dealing with in the first place. just some input from an old, married 40-something woman. This makes me scared. The only times my Mom has gotten really angry with me is when I told her I wouldn't care at all if my grandmother snuffed it, and then she got really angry. I am good at blackmailing people, but I don't do adults like that. They see through me too quick- kids are more guillible, especially the girls. I can schmooze all day but I don't blackmail adults. How would I know if she has told my father? What will he think of me once he finds out I knew and I didn't tell him? I can hide the camera, yes. I can't hide my face though.
Citizen Erased Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I wish I was angry at my mother. But instead, my mind has been looking for anything to defend her. I've been analyzing my Dad, thinking horrible thoughts like, "He doesn't take her out" or "he doesn't compliment her" and "It's really all his fault" and that's why she did it. My Mom wouldn't seek affection without other reasons... but of course, I don't know that. To me, there are only two people who are jeopardizing my family and it's me and the strange new guy in the camera. I hate him. He's evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil and evil x 10000000000000000000000000000000000 I felt the exact same way. My mum cheated on my dad and I just wouldn't accept that she was a bad person. She's still your mother. But your dad is not at fault here, sorry to say. Parents are human too and they do stupid things. You need to try really hard to not take sides, trust me. Hating that man is inevitable, you don't want to direct your anger at your mother and he's the next available choice. You however cannot let it stay that way, you need to deal with it. Or your relationship with your parents will suffer.
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I would not recommend bringing it up with both parents there. It's your mom's responsibility to tell your father. I would sit down with your mom and let her know that you know. You're father is not to blame. This was your mom's choice. I know this all must be so hard, but I think it would be best if you talked with your mom. The sooner the better, it's not healthy to have all this on your shoulders.
Author boy14 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 You let your mum know and ask her what she thinks and what she wants to do about it. Does she still love your father or not happy with him? Cheating is never as simple as it seems, if you just see it as black and white then there's no fixing the situation. Exactly. I'm wondering if she still loves him too. I'm wondering who she loves more between all of us. Personally, I don't see what's so good about the strange new guy at all. Kinda a selfish prick if you ask me.
Author boy14 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Show your dad. Sorry, I'm a mere 21 but I figure my advice is better than a 14 year old. And my mum cheated on my dad and I knew it before he did and I did nothing. Tell him. Why didn't you ever tell? Why do you think it's best for me to do so? I think you have a good one too- to tell my Dad. Then, I can ask him to not let my Mom know how he got the camera, and it'll leave me out of the equation. I don't have to deal with anything beyond that point. Is that selfish?
Author boy14 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Take this as a learning experience at a young age and realize that most women will betray you just like your mother betrayed your father. I am sorry you had to see this at a young age but look at it as a wakeup call. This made me laugh. Are you serious? Thanks for the warning. :laugh: My sister is pretty betraying. And I thought my principal looked sketchy. Okay, I'm done posting today- not sure how many times I can come on a single thread.
Citizen Erased Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Why didn't you ever tell? Why do you think it's best for me to do so? I think you have a good one too- to tell my Dad. Then, I can ask him to not let my Mom know how he got the camera, and it'll leave me out of the equation. I don't have to deal with anything beyond that point. Is that selfish? Because I was 11 or so and I didn't have proof like you do. I didn't want my life to change and I was scared. As far as your dad should be concerned, from the moment you hand that proof over you have nothing to do with this. I would recommend not taking this to your mother first, but telling them together is a good idea. Either way, you have to decide on the way that will relieve you of any burden quickly. And ignore Woggle, please. He is a nuisance, don't bother with bitter angry boys such as him. Fancy talking to a 14 year old like that, disgraceful.
dreamergrl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Because I was 11 or so and I didn't have proof like you do. I didn't want my life to change and I was scared. As far as your dad should be concerned, from the moment you hand that proof over you have nothing to do with this. I would recommend not taking this to your mother first, but telling them together is a good idea. Either way, you have to decide on the way that will relieve you of any burden quickly. And ignore Woggle, please. He is a nuisance, don't bother with bitter angry boys such as him. Fancy talking to a 14 year old like that, disgraceful. Don't you think it should be the mom's responsibility to tell the his Dad? If it were me, I'd have a chat with my mom, and if she refused to talk to Dad, then I'd maybe talk to them together. But I really don't think it should be OP to tell the dad. It's going to be hard enough for him to tell his mom, and he shouldn't have to bare the burden of giving this news to his dad.
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