joerhp Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 K so me and my girlfriend of 3 years broke up, we have broken up before, but got back together anyway, this time she moved, and is going off to school in the fall (to a school we both agreed we wanted to go to, where i intended on joining in the winter, I am a year older in college and am finishing my transfer degree at a Community College after a year of playing baseball at a college) Anyway she moved about 200 miles away, but was back every other weekend nannying for a family, and I visited down there once and had another trip planned next weekend. We werent really communicating she got mad when I went to parties, although I dont drink, so we agree to try and work on it, anyway she comes into town we hang out twice, no chemistry she seems distant, we break up, thats not the important part anyway its been about 2 weeks, and I was doing good, she texted me thursday asking why wont i be her facebook friend, i responded with "i dont wanna see what you do" she said "um ok" and "im not doing anything bad" I dont say anything then Friday text her saying "im just confused, if you feel the need to text or call me you know my number" So of course today when I am feeling great she texts me. Asks how I am I say good etc etc, then finally I just say this is awkward why are you texting me etc etc. She says cause she cares about me I say "well the last few weeks of our relationship and the breakup doesnt really seem like you care or love me to much, not trying to be malicious" she says "well i have known you for 3 years" i say "well this is all casualties, and small talk i wanna know how you really are, you act fine I know your upset and stuff, cant we just get closure and move on" she so asks how i am i tell her "good, busy, figuring out a lot of stuff, finally have a clear head but not really sure how i feel about you" she says "well i hope you dont hate me, im not doing anything you wouldnt approve of" and i say "its not about doing anything i wouldnt approve of. we were both lost and taking this relationship for granted. you hurt me, just for the simple fact you gave up on us and we promised not to do that. i mean i thought you really did love me, but it was impossible to communciate or talk, and i at least tried. i was hoping when you got back into town we coulda gone out on a few dates and been a couple again" (she was in town last week) she said "im only gonna be here another week its over, thought we could have a normal conversation, but i guess not" i said "i agree its over, believe me i dont want it back, i cant be with someone who would quit on me" she says "why are you so rude, you said you cant be with someone who would do that" i say "what does being in town have to do with it? im telling you how i feel we both agree its over" she says "nevermind im over it, why did i text you and ruin my weekend" i end it "i dont wanna fight over this its stupid. we both agree its over, i told you two weeks ago i wanted to work on it, we both care about each other so this is gonna be weird but ya its over. when your ready to get closure, talk and be mature about it let me know. if not good ridance" I am tired of her immature jedi mind games. The only thing I can think of is she thought the relationship just out grew itself, and the circumstances of life are what is making us break apart, but I took it further saying I couldnt be with someone who would do what she did? What do you guys think, we both care about each other, but I dunno, I just know I cant do this any longer.
Ronni_W Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 'No contact'. Delete and block all forms of contact. Quite honestly, you don't sound too easy to communicate with; not at all open to really hearing what SHE is saying or at least trying to say to you. She says she was hoping for a "normal conversation", you soon enough get around to saying to her, "good riddance." You're seeing her immaturity, but are you taking responsibility for YOUR immaturity that is apparent in that exchange that you quoted? The whole thing makes it sound as if you kinda have the attitude that the only "right" thing is whatever you are thinking, feeling, wanting, needing or perceiving. Not saying that she is an angel or any great shakes in the communication department, herself. But. If that's how you acted during the relationship, NO WONDER she got tired and depleted after 3 years! And you want to blame her for "quitting on" you? WTF? If this is any indication of how you two "communicated" during the relationship, it's more likely that she felt the need to leave in order to save HERSELF from what had become a soul-sucking relationship for both of you.
hoping2heal Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 If you can't do this anymore what is the problem? I'm confused.
nature Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 It sounds like you are both stuck at a standstill of defenses and walls. And neither wants to be the first to give in and break it down. It's a bunch of games right now. You are both playing off each other. And the stuff you are both saying to each other is not what each of you really feel. One of you needs to be the one to put down your wall, put down your guard, and say "peace" and extend the olive branch. It's like you are trying to one up each other with "who doesn't want the relationship more", when really, you both do want the relationship. You are stuck in a communication stand still. And it sounds to me like you are the better communicator. But by saying " you know where to reach me, but if not, good riddance" she will take that badly and think "**** you". So she won't bend now. "Good riddance" is a horrible term I hate. And it hurts a lot. It's saying, you're gone, and I'm glad you are gone. So I doubt she will contact you now that you said that. Just being honest. If you really want to speak to her, then I think you will have to be the one to back peddle and extend the olive branch.
hoping2heal Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 To be honest it doesn't seem like either of you "want" the relationship. I think that yes, you care about eachother, but to be honest it sounds like you're both more drawn to what's familiar, but not necessarily as happy as you are comfortable with one another. I think if anything, there could be a little bit of cold feet about what's out there after the comfort of you two.
Author joerhp Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 'No contact'. Delete and block all forms of contact. Quite honestly, you don't sound too easy to communicate with; not at all open to really hearing what SHE is saying or at least trying to say to you. She says she was hoping for a "normal conversation", you soon enough get around to saying to her, "good riddance." You're seeing her immaturity, but are you taking responsibility for YOUR immaturity that is apparent in that exchange that you quoted? The whole thing makes it sound as if you kinda have the attitude that the only "right" thing is whatever you are thinking, feeling, wanting, needing or perceiving. Not saying that she is an angel or any great shakes in the communication department, herself. But. If that's how you acted during the relationship, NO WONDER she got tired and depleted after 3 years! And you want to blame her for "quitting on" you? WTF? If this is any indication of how you two "communicated" during the relationship, it's more likely that she felt the need to leave in order to save HERSELF from what had become a soul-sucking relationship for both of you. i think you are mis understanding, she asked how i felt about her i told her i wasnt to fond of her at the moment cause she "quit on us" basically we had planned to go to school together and she just locked me out on her life as she was going through a hard time the last few weeks of our relationship. I see how the word choice could show that things sounded odd, but I was saying I had hoped we could have started over when she was in town but its to late and I dont want our relationship back although I do care about her..to which she got mad about.. keeping in mind she broke up with me, she then got mad and when I asked why she said "you said you could never be with someone like me" or something of that nature" i dont know if she was holding out for hope, then she gets mad and starts being irrational to me..so I said "contact me when you are ready to be mature, and if not good riddance i dont need this" at this point in my life I dont need an anchor to sink me down She then gets mad about me having girls on my facebook friend list..calling me disgusting and disrespectful..I think its just immature, it is none of her buisness. I see how it seems like I was being the bad communciator, but I was trying to tell her how I felt, and she got bent out of shape
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