Alan430 Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 I just wanted to come out here and let people know that once seperation and talks of divorce is on the table, it is absolutly a must to go and hire an attoney. I had many people on LS and family tell me the same thing, but did i listen...... Nope.. My SOTBX told me all kinda things about she didnt want to punish me blah blah for her leaving me. Well its funny how once they are out in the real world, suddenly its not so green on that side! Anyways i dont want to rant, but As i believe Gunny has put it best many times. 1) Once they say they want it , then you file for divorce. The longer you wait the more time it gives them to come up with reasons to suck you dry. 2) No matter what they say or do, Go and see an attoney right away. They will tell you what information to start collecting to protect yourself. 3) And do not trust and put any faith into what they say or tell you.. Get everything in writting, and take what they say with a grain of salt. Remember it takes character to stick out through a marriage as you swore in your vows, the walk away types do not have this level of character, is this a person you can trust on their word?
CM2009 Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 Great post because its so true. My STBX and I have been seperated since the end of March and she brought up the D-word and me trying to convince her to work on our marriage and it didn't work and now today I offically moved the rest of my belongings out and at first I was thinking to myself if she wants the divorce she's gonna have to pay for it and take care of it because I didn't want it on my conscience, but thinking about it I may just go and do it on my own because I don't feel she may not do it. I've talked to a lawyer already and gotten a lot of information. So I'll look up the info on Monday when I get back to work.......
Gunny376 Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 When confronted by a WAW/H or a cheater ~ be quick, decisive and firm. IOW be decisive! Be resolute and stand your ground in doing so. They're off in 'flaky thinking land' or caught up in the fog of the EA or PA. The only chance one might have in truly reconciling, is hit them fast and hit the hard ~ so much so? You leave them in 'shock and awe' as to what just happened. Don't be mean, cruel nor ugly about it ~ in fact go about in a business type manner, (Because when all is said and done? That's what it comes down to the dissolution of a business partnership. That's how the legal system looks at it ~ and so that's the way you should look at it.) Someone tells you they're leaving? Tell them ~ "That's fine, but as soon as I hear the click of that door shutting? There's no coming back! Then if they do change their mind? It will be on your conditions and terms and not theirs. And they will have to "work and earn" their way back. More times than not? Its about their issues. Their feeling a lack of control in the relationship. Or its their egos needing stroking. Or a need for independence from as much as the relationship as from you. Usually the one that gets dumped? Their self esteem plummets. The WAW/H or cheater feeds on this ~ and feeds this even more. And absolute must read is "An Idiots Guide To Handling A Breakup" If your going through one you need to read it! Be it that your the one that's getting dumped, or your the one that's wanting out. If you've gone through it and now re-entering the dating world? You need to read it to keep from going back through it a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, .............even a sixth or seventh time.
LisaUk Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 This is so true, my ex and I weren't married but had to have a legal seperation agreement, including him buying my share of the house. All starts out lovely, don't worry we can use the same lawyer! Rubbish, you need a lawyer immediately, thank goodness I did, turned out he had been moving money from joint accounts to sole accounts, soon turned nasty. Get a lawyer, they are worth every penny, you wil be amazed how quickly the ex turns into a two headed demon, you can not trust them as far as you can throw them, lets face it if they can walk away from you, you and your relationship no longer mean anything to them. It's mind boggling how they can cut themselves off form all the memories like that, guess some people just have a character flaw, no sense of commitment or honour.
Single and hating it Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 .....you wil be amazed how quickly the ex turns into a two headed demon, you can not trust them as far as you can throw them, lets face it if they can walk away from you, you and your relationship no longer mean anything to them. It's mind boggling how they can cut themselves off form all the memories like that...... Wow, Lisa...you hit the nail right on the head....I haven't encountered the two headed demon yet, but the part about how she can make it seem like it never happened...cutting off the memories....it blows me away as well...she just seems so cold about it....of course, she has another man now so therefore has something to occupy her mind....(it's only been a month...long story) but yet, she is treating me and my heart like I wasn't even a part of her life .... to take 16 years and just turn off the tap like that amazes me....
WTFO Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 Wow, Lisa...you hit the nail right on the head....I haven't encountered the two headed demon yet, but the part about how she can make it seem like it never happened...cutting off the memories....it blows me away as well...she just seems so cold about it....of course, she has another man now so therefore has something to occupy her mind....(it's only been a month...long story) but yet, she is treating me and my heart like I wasn't even a part of her life .... to take 16 years and just turn off the tap like that amazes me.... S&HI Going through the same deal. Would have been married 8 yrs. It's like she turned the page(painted most of the rooms in our old place,wants more tattoos,etc) Is in a serious relationship with the OM since (cough,cough) April. She wants her cake and to eat it as well. Long story short. I was talking to my child today and the Hex must of told my child to say "Can you and mommy be best friends" I asked who told you to say that, she said "me",but I know the STBX was near. I can't do it. I can't look at her after knowing this new guy is Bangi%g her seven ways to Sunday,and put a smile on my face and me in a good mood every time I see her. (Best friends huh)Thats why the 180 Is so difficult for me. Not to get off topic, sorry. All I have to say,is that some of these women we Marry, live in the now and don't put things sacred like a marriage as a priority. Don't try every option to resolve a problem rather just walk away and Try something else with someone new. My .02
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