gofatherman8550 Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Alright, first some background: I'm 18, a guy, and just graduated high school. I'm average looking, I've got a lot friends, and I can come off a bit arrogantly at times. About a year ago I had within my group of friends my friend "X" (a girl who I now like). I say "had" because she has since stopped being friends with my other friends--mostly because my other friends started making fun of her. (She's really pretty--at least I thinks so--but she's also pretty chubby, and my friends can be jerks at times). However, I remained friends with both her and my other friends. Now the issues: Recently I've been talking to her a lot more often and hanging out a bit, and I started to really like her. And it seemed like she may like me as well. We talked a lot about our plans for the summer, and we were including each other in those plans. (I recently bought a beer-pong table, and she seemed really eager to play. "Make sure to remember me when you have people over" she would say.) So about 3 weeks ago I devised this plan (you'll notice I tend to over-analyze things A LOT) to indirectly show her that I liked her the next time we hung out. But when I asked her to hang out she kept giving lame excuses why she couldn't (signal #1). So a few days later I confronted her about it passive-aggressively, with something like "it's ok if you don't want to chill." And she responded "no it's not that. really," in a pretty sincere way (#2), which made me think those weren't just excuses, and she was just tired. A few days pass (2 weeks ago) and I decided I would stop analyzing and over-thinking, and I called her up and asked her out. She said "we'll see," which was obviously a "no." (#3) It was late at night, so I didn't push for a long conversation. The next two days though we talked a lot, and she seemed really genuinely upset that she rejected me--which was especially surprising, because she's not usually one to let her emotions show. So I concluded our talk on the second day (instant messaging) with "i'm really glad we can still be friends," to which she responded with something like "again i'm really sorry but i'm glad we're friends too" with a simely face.(#4). So I figured, OK, we'll be good friends at least, and maybe some day she'll change her mind. So over the ensuing 2 weeks I started to get over her. The first week was rough (drinking, smoking, the usual way I cope with things), but after a heart-to-heart with my friend last weekend things started to get better, and this past week I've started to think about her less and less--at least in that way--though I would still definitely say that I "like" her. And we've continued to talk, mostly about casual things--college, shopping, etc. But yesterday, I got another odd signal. We started talking casually, and I told her that Thursday night I played beer pong with my friends (you'll recall she was very keen on playing), and I didn't invite her (it wasn't at my house, and most people there were her ex-friends. I'm sure she would have declined the invitation). But as we started talking about it, she kept giving me little hints that she still wanted to play with me (#5). So I went to sleep very conflicted, not sure if this meant that she kind-of liked me, that she just didn't want to drift apart, or that she just liked beer-pong. I instant messaged her this morning about some college issue (I had helped her with the whole college admissions process), and, a bit out of nowhere, she says "[my name]. thanks for everything :)." (#6). Just the fact that she used my name over IM was odd. So now I'm thoroughly confused. If you've put up with this long story then thank you very much. Any advice would be highly appreciated.
AlektraClementine Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Too sketchy to tell. She sounds like a sweet girl, but you'd do well to not over-invest your emotions right now. I understand your tendency to over-analyze. I'm that way, as well. She could be a flip-flopper. She could have esteem issues (understandably so) Her heart could be elsewhere She could be coming around Invite her over for beer pong. Along with some other friends. Not the A-hole ones. haha.
TaraMaiden Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 She wants to be a friend and would be glad to be included, but feels insecure about her image (not surprising as you say your friends are jerks about her). And all she wants is to be your friend, but not your girlfriend. She's not sending you mixed signals. You're the one reading too much into it. her signals are clear: friendship and hanging out, please, but nothing more. You're reading mixed intentions, but it's all of your invention, I think.
boogieboy Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 She only wants to play beer pong and hang while your friends are there, she doesnt want to be alone with you. Clearly shes not interested. Drop her for using you for friendship.
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