KS882 Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I've been friends with my best friend for about 6 years now. And lately I've been really worried about another friend using her. I don't know the other friend all that well so maybe I should judge but this girl is my best friend and I don't want to see her hurt. She's been friends with this other girl a lot longer than she's known me. The few times I've met the other girl she's actually been very nice, I've had no problems with her. And the way my best friend talks about her it seems like she was a really good friend to hurt which is great. But lately it's been like this other friend hasn't been in touch with my best friend unless she needs her for something and this is one thing I can't stand. I did notice this sort of before but, like I said, she's always been nice enough, thought it might just be me being a but over protective of my friends. But I don't think I am anymore. For example. My best friend lives about 150 miles away so I'm lucky if I see her every couple of months. The last time I went to see her we'd planned things and I was having a great time. Then the other friend rings asking if we wanted to come to a BBQ. I thought argh bit annoying because we'd made other plans and I'd driven all that way but it was a nice offer, thought we'd have a nice afternoon. But the whole time we were there it was like we just sat in a corner talking while she went off talking to other people (fair enough) and didn't bother talking to us all day only to come and ask my best mate for a lift home. And at the moment she's not working so she'll ask my best friend around there when she has no money because she knows she's too nice to say no if she needs something. My friend will always go to her when this girl has a problem but she never asks how she is. Was talking to my friend a couple of weeks ago and she said she can't remember them talking about her in over a year. Seems so unfair. In my opinion friends should be there for EACHOTHER. Anyway. That's just a little part of it, the things she's told me I swear I could write a book. A couple of weeks ago this girl had argued with her boyfriend and thrown him out. Won't go into why incase it makes it a bit obvious who I am if she were to read it. But this guy is lovely. What she did was wrong. So my best friend went round there to talk to her, they argued and she said she didn't want to know her anymore. But then when she realised she had no one to drive her around, she rang my best friend who went round there, gave her a lift etc. etc. I asked her if they'd talked about why they'd argued and she said no because she knew she'd just stop talking to her again if they did talk so she'll just bottle it up. Then last night she said she was going round there "for dinner". I was out last night but came home at 8, came on MSN and she was online which I thought was a bit odd, when she's out she's out till late. Asked her how she was and she said she'd gone to give her a lift, went back to her house and sat for 3 hours, she didn't bother talking to her and she felt awkward. Arghhhhh! It annoys me. Maybe it's just me but sometimes she seems to nice. I want to say something before she gets hurt but not sure if it's any of my business really. She's an adult and can sort things out herself but omg want to shake her sometimes. Worth saying something or just wait and see what happens?
Ronni_W Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 not sure if it's any of my business really. She's an adult and can sort things out herself but omg want to shake her sometimes. Maybe you could open with that? "I know that you're a big girl, can take care of yourself, are smart enough to make your own decisions...but...I do love and care about you, so I feel an obligation to ask: Are you okay with how sometimes your relationship with 'X' seems to be all give on your part, and all take, on hers? Or is that just me putting my own spin on things?" And if she says that she's okay with how that relationship is going for her...then at least you have lived up to your own values, and fulfilled your own vision of what friendship means and how it looks. It's possible that 'X' allows your friend to fulfill any needs to be a "helper, caretaker, fixer." (Not that those are necessarily 'functional' needs, just that if they are present, that's a benefit that your friend could be deriving from the set-up as it now exists.)
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