StarofVenus Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Hello, First of all, I just wanted to let you know that I am not a new poster: I used to post here quite frequently for years under a different user name until I found out my ex was cyber stalking me and had been able to read every LS post I ever wrote under my old user name. Something to think about... Anyway...I made the mistake of getting involved with a neighbor and it has ended in ashes. We literally live across the hall from each other, in an apartment complex and our two children are the same age and best friends. So despite the fact that he has destroyed me, we are trying to keep things civil for the sake of the kids. At most I have to put with this for another 6 months. Although I hadn't planned on it, I will now be moving when my lease is up next year. The situation is intolerable. Having to see him, be around him when our kids are playing, and being in this close proximity makes it so much harder to move on. I am prone to obsessing anyway so this is just about the worst situation I could have put myself in. He is not helping matters by trying to stay "friends." There is no such thing in my world, at least not when things are still so raw. I feel so hurt and used (he was dealing with me and another woman at the same time and was not completely honest with me about the situation). Anyway, I just need advice on how to cope. I am so depressed. I literally cried myself to sleep last night. We had a big confrontation where I finally think I got through to him on how wrong he has been in all of this. I can't sleep, I can't eat, my apartment is a pigsty...I am trying to keep it together for my little one's sake. I already deleted him from Facebook, cut off contact, etc. I know that angered him. He is blaming me, calling me crazy, telling me I'm overreacting, asking me why it has to be this way, calling me childish, etc. but that has to be the right move, right? Being privy to intimate details of each other's lives is totally inappropriate at this point, especially when we are already right on top of each other. I don't think he is entirely ready to let go yet (and I know it is hard because we were best friends as well as lovers and spent all of our free time together) but I can't put up with it anymore, it's just not healthy. I think he is a little prone to obsessing also & it would be so much cleaner and better for the both of us if we didn't live so close to each other... Last night I saw him talking to a woman on his balcony at 4 AM when I went out to walk my dog (I admit I wanted to see if his car was there to see if he stayed out all night) and almost lost it, thinking he had brought some woman home from the club until I realized it was our other neighbor that we are both friends with...I think he was asking her for advice about the situation or maybe he just needed someone to talk to. He hates being alone. She is in her 50s and kind of annoys both of us at times so I know there is nothing going on with them but I hate myself for even being jealous for that brief moment after the way he has hurt me. See? This is the type of crap I wouldn't have to deal with if we weren't neighbors. The agonizing and obsessing. I can't move yet. Trust me, if it were financially possible I would be out of here this weekend. Neither can he. Basically I have gone NC in every way possible except the most important: not seeing him! Help!
bigsmoothness Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I wonder about the "not being completely honest" part of what you said. Did he imply that the relationship wasn't totally exclusive? Because of the difficulty in making a clean break, I just wonder if this is something you might want to try and mend. You clearly still have feelings for him. He seems to still have them for you. Could you elaborate on the exact circumstances of the break up?
manaja Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 The same happened to me a few years ago , I dated a woman who lived a few doors down from me, she had split with her chap repeatedly over a 4 yr period, he kept going back to his wife, anyway I started to see her ,after 5 months , she dumps me , month or so after shes back with him, I was very upset, but for that month we were apart but she text me stayed friends , i had sum hope of getting back together with her, i realize now , she was stringing me along, she eventually went back to her ex then practically ignored me, i was left feeling sick and empty, especially as we lived on the same street, when i saw her her i would say hello , speak to her lads , thats about it, just kept it amicable. My ex eventually fell out with him again in jan 2008, by may she had started to talk to me again , in the aug i started to date sum one else, my ex responded by sending me joke texts, which i thought was out of friendship, cos i thought she was not interested in me but only as a friend ,in april this year i finished the relationship my new woman , she was a bit of a drinker , my ex was still keeping in touch with me, she suggests we go out , we did, she was all apologetic for what had happened between us, telling me it was going to be different this time as she has no feelings for her ex anymore, but they stay in touch just as mates by text (they were also meeting up with each other as friends ) a month after we got back together, she just dumps me totally ignores me, an gets back with him, apparently he has sorted his demons out and regrets ever messing her about, fortunatly for me she has moved and i dont have to see her anymore, so that eases the pain, but i still feel like ive been an idiot for trusting her gain..I just wish id not been so foolish .
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