Is being friends and taking it slow part of getting them back??

[greenparrot]

so I have told multiple times to my ex that I have gave up on her and therefore need her to stop contacting me. However she still does with small talk and getting jealous if she finds out about me going out with people..

 

She always tells me she has to take it slow, that Rome wasnt built in a day that she does want me back but cant take it a 100% like we were. That we have to be friends like before, regain trust, etc .. I could try this, however she still hangs out with her "friend" she immediatly got into after we broke up.

 

Everytime I tell her no, since I cant stand the fact she hangs out with him she tells me its different and she wants me, etc.

 

I know everyone will say, no dont be friends.. But reasonably it would seem like giving up on her if I dont try this. I told her to not give me false hopes, and be selfish she hurts me more if she is lying. She answrs she trully cant leave me, but has to take it slow.

 

I do have an advantage point: He is alreaady out of college and no longer seeing her there, my schedule has changed to the afternoon and now she sees me more from a distance. Im sure that is what kills her now.

 

I am wrong in this? What do I do?

[northstar1]

Being friends is a sure way to remain in a painful limbo for a long time.

 

But, it does allow her to keep you on the backburner indefinitely as long as she knows you still have feelings.

[hopesndreams]

Hey, at least she is honest about seeing another guy while she has you on a string. But, you are worth more than that right?

 

Be friends with her all you want but the time will come when she no longer needs you as a friend and she will be the one to do NC. She's in the driver's seat right now and she is loving it. She has a bf and has you as her back-up plan, all the while feeding you lines of bull to keep herself in your good books and also so she could wean herself off you.

 

When things don't work out with her bf, then there is your chance to get her back. But, why would you want her after she's been with another guy and rubbing your nose in it? Perhaps, low self-esteem?

 

Work on yourself and the only way to do that is to cut her out of your life. That could be her wake-up call to doubt her decision and dump her bf straight away to be with you. If that doesn't happen, then you know for fact she is just using you in order to feel no pain when she decides she is through with you.

 

Take the control away from her. Show her you value yourself, first and foremost, and you won't be her second choice when things go pear-shaped with her bf. Coz, truth be known, if she were to get back with you because of that, there will be another guy just around the corner to take your place. Why? Because she can. So many people just love the ego boost no matter who they hurt in the process.

[NightLord1]

Heres my opinion on this and I speak from experience.

 

I do not think there is anything wrong with being CIVIL to your ex after you break up officially.

 

Being a "friend" though can only go so far because you do not want to be thrown into the ominous "chic friend pile" and then they consider you just one of their girlfriends with a lot more body hair.

 

If she contacts you then don't ignore her contact her back but keep it short and to the point. Don't tell her anything you are doing in your life and if she asks just don't give off too much information.

 

I have heard and spoken to a lot of women about this and many women will admit that any guy that doesn't challenge them or comes off as weak they will walk on and take advantage of at any given opportunity. If they can then they lose respect for the guy along with attraction and its pretty much a permanent sunken ship.

 

Pretty much all my past exes i am on good terms with and I know that if I wanted to pursue them for more again I probably could get them back with little problems because even though I am on good terms with them I do NOT talk to them constantly and I only talk to them if they contact ME.

 

If they come to me with their problems I listen and then give them blunt advice I don't sugar coat things and ensure I don't talk to them for more than twenty minutes at a time.

 

So if you can pull it off that would be my recommendation. Ya she may be truthful she wants to take it slow but she may also see what is going on with this other guy and want to make sure she still has an "in" with you if it flops and if you are always there for her when she wants you to be then you won't get what you want from her.

 

Just my take.

 

Regards,

[DSM2709]

I have heard and spoken to a lot of women about this and many women will admit that any guy that doesn't challenge them or comes off as weak they will walk on and take advantage of at any given opportunity. If they can then they lose respect for the guy along with attraction and its pretty much a permanent sunken ship.

 

 

 

Yeah, this is me all the way.

[hoping2heal]

why did you two break up? Why does trust need to be rebuilt?

[LucreziaBorgia]

'Being friends' and 'taking it slow' is nothing more than a way for the dumper to manipulate you into giving them what they want from you without having to give you a committed relationship in turn.

[xpaperxcutx]

I would call people like her " harborers of ulterior motives". Those who don't move on merely hold onto a lopsided fantasy of a past relationship. It won't give them any time to heal, and they will come to resent you if you don't reciprocate.

 

Ask yourself why she deserves another chance when perhaps you've already given her way too many.

 

If you're already doubting yourself, then you know fair well that a platonic relationship isn't something that you can live and associate with her.

 

Sometimes it's necessary to cut ties with other people.