katty774 Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I keep asking myself -Why couldn't he have just told me he was getting back together with his ex? Why did he decide just to walk away one day perfectly fine and choose no contact. I just don't understand why he couldn't tell me himself. He still has not contacted me and admitted to it. Am I crazy for needing that? I won't bore anyone who hasn't read my situation with the details but I am feeling very lonely today and miss my friend tremendously. I wonder how I could miss him when he just up and left with no explanation, only for me to find out thru a different source that he got back together with his ex. A friend said the ex found out he was seeing someone and that is why she wanted him back. She has left him numberious times and he swore this time he would go back. I just feel really sad because he and I were friends and it would have been easier if we had had a big fight or something. He has been on my mind because my nephew is in the hospital very sick and TL (my bf) was there for me and my family when nephew was born and had problems and now I feel all alone because he is not around. I am stupid for missing someone who obviously didn't have enough respect for me to tell me he was going back to his ex. Ive not only lost a bf but a very good friend. We had been friends for years before we decided to date. (his idea, wish I had stayed my course and said just kept it a freindship) Sorry if it seems like I am just ranting. I am just very sad today and wondering why men can bounce from one woman to the next so easily.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Human behaviour is a very strange thing. But when everything is summed up, the only thing that can describe your ex is " selfishness". Not only that, but he is a coward for not being upfront with you. You may have lost a boyfriend and a friend, but you also won't have a liar and a coward around you. You may feel hurt now, and even more so, betrayed, but in time you will definitely feel better that he's not in your life. His departure only opens you up to seek better things for yourself.
Author katty774 Posted August 8, 2009 Author Posted August 8, 2009 I know you are right and I want to hate him for being so selfish and cowardly but then another part of me remembers my friend- this is just so out of character for him. Hes one of the nicest guys I know. He will go out of his way to help anyone/everyone. He isn't the type to lie, (of course he hasn't lied to me because he hasn't told me. I think I'm having a problem because he just cut off all contact and because all this time he has been way more into me than I was him. Boy things sure do change quickly. I will never understand men.
Leveller Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 My strong suspicion is because he's a nice guy he's didn't have the heart to tell you. I did something similar myself about March last year.
boogieboy Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I I think I'm having a problem because he just cut off all contact and because all this time he has been way more into me than I was him. . Obviously not! HE was into his wife months ago. People do that...they start moving on months before you even realize whats going on. Now you know to keep your guard up if you date freshly separated men.
Author katty774 Posted August 8, 2009 Author Posted August 8, 2009 I was trying to be cautious. Guess I just let my guard down. Its kind of sad because she is the one that ended things AGAIN. The friend in me hopes that she is really sincere this time and plans on sticking around. I know he has hurt me but still the friend in me doesn't want to see him hurt again and again. I keep thinking how much my guard was up because I kept a wall up so he couldn't get too close. I took things really slowly, I didn't treat him that well but this was my own protective mechanism.
Devil Inside Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 In the end things are usually ugly. Whether it's a big fight or not, it hurts to seperate. It is especially painful to be broken up with. I agree that he was probably on his way out of the relationship for months, and was just building up the heart to tell you. In all reality all anyone owes anyone when they break up is just the fact that it is over and the relationship no longer works for the. The reasons why only cause more pain. I know he was your friend, but that changed once you became a couple. One of the things sacrificed becomes the chance to have a longer relationship. There really is no way he could break up with you and still be friendly...it's not possible. All that said...I feel your pain. It always hurts when we are broken up with and see our ex with someone else so soon. It makes us feel like we were not enough. Just know...it didn't work with this guy at that point...but you had a good run...some other guy is about to get lucky...and he may be the one.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 He was either avoiding conflict, or simply didn't want you trying to talk him out of it.
sandy12345678993 Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 My ex did almost the same thing, I think. In April, he asked me for a break (via text, coward) so that he could focus his attention on getting a divorce. He was seperated when I met him, but he always said that they wouldn't get back together. In the texts, he told me he loved and promised that he would come back and be with me. He didn't even call me that night like he usually does, but he said he would call me the next day. Well, I never heard from him after that. I foolishly thought I was on a break and didn't contact him. Only to find out a month later, that he had changed his phone number. He had been kinda distant for a few months before. My guess is that he had probably been talking to his soon-to-be-ex, probably about getting the divorce. And for whatever reason they decided to work on things??? I don't know. I think he wanted to keep me on the back burner in case things didn't work out again with her or someone else. ??? Why on earth would a person promise you that they are going to come back, knowing that's what they want, only to never speak to you again?I can't understand that. He had things he couldn't tell me about. I don't know why guys do things like that. I don't know why they can't be honest about things. They are definitely scared of something. They say they love you one day, and then the next they're gone like it didn't mean anything. They are not MEN in my book. I've never dated one anyway.
NightLord1 Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 If his ex left him numerous times then she is going to leave him again without a doubt eventually. He's fooling himself into thinking that he could be with her and things will work. He obviously has no balls to tell you flat out what was going on and chose to go that route because he couldn't face you due to guilt. When a person feels guilty they do all kinds of strange and weird things you never thought they were capable of because they do not know how to handle that guilt properly even though the best way is always to just come out and tell the truth Many people can't do that because they do not like confrontation.
hoping2heal Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Why do you call him your friend when he treats you with not even one iota of respect? Is that what you want in someone you call friend? Why do you feel it's out of charachter for him to do what he did? You know, people are much like gold in the sense that until they face the flames, you will never know what you're really getting. People can seem one way for many years, but put them in a situation that requires courage, strength, decency.. see how they act and that is their CHARACHTER, everything before that was just their PERSONALITY. There is a vast difference. Relationships don't ALWAYS turn ugly when they end either. As I said, people who will treat you with dignity and honesty; people who tell you they are moving on and remove you from their lives; those are good people. Because they are treating you with honesty, and they take themselves away from you so you can heal, accept, move on. They don't want to keep any wounds open or prolong your suffering. Why couldn't he of done the right thing? Because he doesn't have it in him; it's not his charachter. You're just shocked because you're learning what that actually is after 20 years of knowing his personality.
Author katty774 Posted August 9, 2009 Author Posted August 9, 2009 Thanks for everyones help. I am just really bummed out that the rs had to end this way. Truthfully I should have stuck to my original plan and just stayed friends. I just feel really foolish now. I am soo stupid because I miss him. How could I miss such a jerk. He knows he will eventually have to run into me. What makes me so mad is how he was swearing and declaring that he would never ever take his ex back. Just call me stupid.
hoping2heal Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 Thanks for everyones help. I am just really bummed out that the rs had to end this way. Truthfully I should have stuck to my original plan and just stayed friends. I just feel really foolish now. I am soo stupid because I miss him. How could I miss such a jerk. He knows he will eventually have to run into me. What makes me so mad is how he was swearing and declaring that he would never ever take his ex back. Just call me stupid. Don't beat yourself up too much for missing him. Yes, he's a real zero supremeus, but there were always good things that originally attracted us to jerks. The problem isn't that they were ALL bad, the problem comes when the bad outweighs the good. This man, is a classic case of that. You can feel stupid if you want too, but this man was in your life 20 years, you couldn't have seen this coming. No one else would of either. The positive part is that this jerko is no longer your problem. You don't really want a man with such cowardly charachter as a husband someday anyhow, do you? That's what this guy is. Not because he went back to his ex, but because of the utter disrespect and disregard for the feelings of someone who has been in his life for 20 years, and who's family has accepted them. Seriously, miss him until it goes away, but ultimately let's call this guy "The Hammer" cause he's a tool.
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