Soul Bear Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I have noticed for one, that NC is making me bitter, I start focusing on and remembering only bad parts of the 5 year relationship, I start despising her and never want to speak with her again, I wish her bad... This is not right, and has to stop. I don't know if anyone else finds themselves like this, but for me, the best release is " I love you, I bless you, I forgive you, I set you free " I still yearn to break NC to make peace as I don't want her to feel bad, but I would be lying if I didn't say I had ulterior motifs. I don't want to be bitter. she really is an amazing girl, and I certainly don't wish any harm on her. Contrary to what she may assume from my NC any more tips or advice please? not just for me, but anyone else who may be feeling this..
Devil Inside Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I was told by another person here on LS that anger is a stage you go through in NC. Looking back I agree. Just hang in there...feel your emotions...maintain NC. I like your phrase...it's good. Eventually you will reach acceptance.
hoping2heal Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I have noticed for one, that NC is making me bitter, I start focusing on and remembering only bad parts of the 5 year relationship, I start despising her and never want to speak with her again, I wish her bad... This is not right, and has to stop. I don't know if anyone else finds themselves like this, but for me, the best release is " I love you, I bless you, I forgive you, I set you free " I still yearn to break NC to make peace as I don't want her to feel bad, but I would be lying if I didn't say I had ulterior motifs. I don't want to be bitter. she really is an amazing girl, and I certainly don't wish any harm on her. Contrary to what she may assume from my NC any more tips or advice please? not just for me, but anyone else who may be feeling this.. SB, it's perfectly NORMAL what you're going through right now, it's one of the stages on the way to acceptance. It's fine to be bitter right now- it really is. I understand you don't want to remain that way for the rest of your life, and you won't just because you feel that way now. In fact, it will actually help you to get RID of the bitterness to go through and process what you're feeling. Also, I'm confused why you think it's NC that's making you bitter? NC isn't making you bitter; you are hurt and angry and NC just puts it in your face a little more bluntly that "she's gone, it's over." You want to break NC becuase you want to feel better, and you think that breaking NC will do that; it won't. It will just set you back all the way to square one.
hoping2heal Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I was told by another person here on LS that anger is a stage you go through in NC. Looking back I agree. Just hang in there...feel your emotions...maintain NC. I like your phrase...it's good. Eventually you will reach acceptance. I'm confused. You seem rather smart, one of the more intelligent posters here. You also mentioned you were a therapist, but you didn't already know anger was a phase in accepting a loss?
Exit Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 For the first time I'm sticking to NC and anger is arriving for me too. Mad at her, mad at myself for chasing after her, etc. I've avoided anger thus far because I didn't think it was a healthy thing to feel, but I think as long as you give it a short amount of time and then let it pass, it probably is a good thing.
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