Destroyed and addicted

[lokster]

so ive been with this awesome girl for all my college life, from first year to graduation, we both majored in marketing management under a business degree.

 

so the final year and ive been addicted to gaming on my PC and having trouble with family, for 6-8 months it was the worst but i graduated and i didnt treat my girl right. but i really tried.

 

after graduation a week into it, she totally destroyed me by telling what bum i am and all, sooo we break up. i was sad and down. but she didnt run after me to make up or anything, you think after 4 years she would try to save something of it like i did. i tried talking to her and all but she was just being plastic and friendly

 

 

so shes with another guy, this guy who has been extra friendly with her before we broke up and i told her to stay away from him..

 

i get so mad i dont wana talk to her at all and go NC...

 

i last only two weeks, i cant help it, i need her or something..

 

soo a month goes by and i get a choice from my parents, to move to a new place or work near home, i needed a new environment soo i chose to move.

 

she finds out and we spend the whole week together like lovers and old times. it was awesome.

 

so long story short. i left for a new place but i dont have alot of friends yet. im getting used to the new place AND im bored coz im still looking for work.......

 

she always keeps in touch online with me but i really dunno whats going on with her for real and the other guy. she tells me shes not spending time with him and shes coming to visit ME!

 

wow. im soo addicted to her i feel like a loser and an idiot without her =/

i cannot spend a week not going NC on her

 

 

i may need serious help. i just dont have anything to distract me, yet since i dont have a job or alot of friends. im wondering

 

maybe i should just go home to my parents and my old place and get back with friends and all...

 

but being in the new place frees me so much from my parents, i want to show them im independent but without a job nothing distracts me. i feel like such a loser and she is usually there online to comfort me

[Ariadne]

That's perfect.

 

You've got a new place, just graduated, and now she is coming to visit.

 

Maybe she'll like the new place and finds work nearby or goes to visit more often.

 

Seems like things with the new guy didn't turn out very well.

 

Good luck and see what happens.

 

This doens't look too bad.

[lokster]

thanks for making me look at the brighter side.

 

yeah when she comes by il talk to her about plans for the future but for now were not together.

 

thing is the guys is extra nice to her and all and is frustrated that shes not over me.

 

which is probably the reason why im holding on to her, shes coming soon, the possibility that she might stay with me at my new place, and the fact that shes not over me.

 

but i know her, shes like physical and needs the physical presence, if talking to her when she comes to visit wont work, then i gotta accept either its over or i might go back home just to be with her?

[hoping2heal]

I'm not going to knock a reconcile necesarily, I do think she lashed out and said some hurtful things to you because of what pain she's been dealing with going through your addiction. I do think it's worrisome that you feel so low about yourself right now and I don't think that makes you in a good state to be in a relationship right now. You have attatched all your self worth to this person and that's a very dangerous thing to do. Break ups hurt badly enough, without us projecting our sense of self worth onto another person, losing them and then that turning into self loathing.

 

Are you getting help to deal with that addiction currently?

[borbiusle]

I don't think internet gaming is officially considered a type of addiction, at least not here in the US. I'd be hard-pressed to find places that specialize in treating it. I used to have the same problem, went cold turkey, wiped my hard drives clean, got a job(military), and sold all my games to regain control of myself. The route I took is kind of extreme and a true test of willpower but it worked.

[hoping2heal]

I don't think internet gaming is officially considered a type of addiction, at least not here in the US. I'd be hard-pressed to find places that specialize in treating it. I used to have the same problem, went cold turkey, wiped my hard drives clean, got a job(military), and sold all my games to regain control of myself. The route I took is kind of extreme and a true test of willpower but it worked.

 

All addictions are processed by the brain in the same way. Help with addiction itself, could be just as helpful to him.

[lokster]

yeah i am sad, all my self worth and love is like attached to this girl

 

but this girl claims to still love me and all

[hoping2heal]

But why is that? It's wonderful that someone loves you. But why do you feel so worthless about yourself? Is there some reasons you can think of?

[lokster]

@ hoping2heal, thanks so much for hearing me out.... because she liked this other guy with no basis, like a switch, just like that. she likes someone else.

 

but after talking to her and being angry with her she realizes shes sorry and all but she still keeps in touch with that guy! and that guy doesnt seem on giving up and since i moved away, hes in the same area as her and im somewhere far far away

 

but shes coming to visit and she keeps in touch and all and claims to love me. but i dont feel like i can trust her and i dunno what i did to deserve this... sigh..

 

i am truly addicted to her because i reply to all or whenever she contacts me..

 

i feel worthless sometimes without her, its tough..

 

just tell me what i gotta do to get over this girl. NC isnt much help i cannot resist contacting her.. and she welcomes me..

[hoping2heal]

@ hoping2heal, thanks so much for hearing me out.... because she liked this other guy with no basis, like a switch, just like that. she likes someone else.

 

but after talking to her and being angry with her she realizes shes sorry and all but she still keeps in touch with that guy! and that guy doesnt seem on giving up and since i moved away, hes in the same area as her and im somewhere far far away

 

but shes coming to visit and she keeps in touch and all and claims to love me. but i dont feel like i can trust her and i dunno what i did to deserve this... sigh..

 

i am truly addicted to her because i reply to all or whenever she contacts me..

 

i feel worthless sometimes without her, its tough..

 

just tell me what i gotta do to get over this girl. NC isnt much help i cannot resist contacting her.. and she welcomes me..

 

Is that what you really believe? Do you really believe you can't block all access to her? I promise that will help. Block her phone number, Block her messengers, go on your browser and block access to personal sites of hers, so your pc can't even access them if you WANTED. These things will help starting out. I didn't realise she had some fishy business going on with the guy. I know some people will be quick to say "You don't even know what's going on with this guy, it could be a friend and just not mean anything." But I will say this, if anyone is EVER "just" a guy or "just" a friend; than why is it they would rather choose to stay in contact with them; then respect your wishes?

 

I always see people trying to justify that. You're also not as weak of a person as you think you are. And what you need to do right now is some things that will help you see that. As I said; take the first steps. Block everything so that even if you want too you have to resist.

 

Right now, you're in such shreds as a person a relationship wouldn't be healthy anyhow unless she was to go full throttle support of you and not be having these guys flying around, and YOU, YOU mr.OP , would still need to get to the root of these issues. There is much more going on here than a girl's rejection. You need to do what you can to find out where this lack of self worth comes from.

[Ariadne]

i am truly addicted to her because i reply to all or whenever she contacts me..

 

The only advice you are ever going to hear in this site is: forget all about this person, never talk to her again, if she writes to you don't respond, act as if she is dead, and move on.

 

Very typical..

[hoping2heal]

The only advice you are ever going to hear in this site is: forget all about this person, never talk to her again, if she writes to you don't respond, act as if she is dead, and move on.

 

Very typical..

 

I have everything I want. I have the most wonderful partner and the greatest relationship I could ever have the pleasure of being in. It's safe, it's room to breathe, it's pure bliss (most of the time ) and believe me when I say; it has had to endure it's trials and turbulance. That said, I have a wonderful loving relationship and I am very happy. Every single day I litterally stop and think how happy I am that he is in my life. We love eachother so much. That said? I have that because I followed my own advice. There isn't much I can't relate too when I advise others that I haven't been through on both sides of in my life, for the most part. My true bliss and security and happiness came when I started taking my own advice about things; and THAT is why I give the same to others. Because I have been in a lot of shoes before and at 24 years old I have figured out how to have an unbelievable love. I'm not better than anyone, I'm not a know it all; I just know what works, what doesn't, and when you're playing around in your own puddle of mud.

[Ariadne]

I have everything I want. I have the most wonderful partner and the greatest relationship I could ever have the pleasure of being in. It's safe, it's room to breathe, it's pure bliss (most of the time ) and believe me when I say; it has had to endure it's trials and turbulance. That said, I have a wonderful loving relationship and I am very happy. Every single day I litterally stop and think how happy I am that he is in my life. We love eachother so much. That said? I have that because I followed my own advice. There isn't much I can't relate too when I advise others that I haven't been through on both sides of in my life, for the most part. My true bliss and security and happiness came when I started taking my own advice about things; and THAT is why I give the same to others. Because I have been in a lot of shoes before and at 24 years old I have figured out how to have an unbelievable love. I'm not better than anyone, I'm not a know it all; I just know what works, what doesn't, and when you're playing around in your own puddle of mud.

 

Congratulations.

[hoping2heal]

Congratulations.

 

If that was condescending, I was not sharing that toot my own horn or gloat. The point was, I know that what I advise WORKS and gives a POSITIVE result when it's applied, and so therefore I share it with people.

[Ariadne]

If that was condescending, I was not sharing that toot my own horn or gloat. The point was, I know that what I advise WORKS and gives a POSITIVE result when it's applied, and so therefore I share it with people.

 

I didn't ask you for an explanation, that's why I said congratulations.

[lokster]

i appreciate the advice and i take it to heart, its just ive put so much of myself in her, i dont have any left of me

 

i need like a get away or retreat to recover, but i hate being alone on such a venture, and i dunno how il start on the road to recovery, banning myself from internet and phones is quite a feat..

 

il figure something out.

[steelfist9]

so ive been with this awesome girl for all my college life, from first year to graduation, we both majored in marketing management under a business degree.

 

so the final year and ive been addicted to gaming on my PC and having trouble with family, for 6-8 months it was the worst but i graduated and i didnt treat my girl right. but i really tried.

 

after graduation a week into it, she totally destroyed me by telling what bum i am and all, sooo we break up. i was sad and down. but she didnt run after me to make up or anything, you think after 4 years she would try to save something of it like i did. i tried talking to her and all but she was just being plastic and friendly

 

 

so shes with another guy, this guy who has been extra friendly with her before we broke up and i told her to stay away from him..

 

i get so mad i dont wana talk to her at all and go NC...

 

i last only two weeks, i cant help it, i need her or something..

 

soo a month goes by and i get a choice from my parents, to move to a new place or work near home, i needed a new environment soo i chose to move.

 

she finds out and we spend the whole week together like lovers and old times. it was awesome.

 

so long story short. i left for a new place but i dont have alot of friends yet. im getting used to the new place AND im bored coz im still looking for work.......

 

she always keeps in touch online with me but i really dunno whats going on with her for real and the other guy. she tells me shes not spending time with him and shes coming to visit ME!

 

wow. im soo addicted to her i feel like a loser and an idiot without her =/

i cannot spend a week not going NC on her

 

 

i may need serious help. i just dont have anything to distract me, yet since i dont have a job or alot of friends. im wondering

 

maybe i should just go home to my parents and my old place and get back with friends and all...

 

but being in the new place frees me so much from my parents, i want to show them im independent but without a job nothing distracts me. i feel like such a loser and she is usually there online to comfort me

 

You need to find yourself, man. Find your own happiness. I know where you are coming from. I feel like a loser, worthless person right now. A relationship where you are relying on someone else for hapiness is not healthy cause if that person leaves yoou you are in a world of hurt. And I'm not sure you can really find personal happiness in a relationship if you never found it before that relationship.

[hoping2heal]

i appreciate the advice and i take it to heart, its just ive put so much of myself in her, i dont have any left of me

 

i need like a get away or retreat to recover, but i hate being alone on such a venture, and i dunno how il start on the road to recovery, banning myself from internet and phones is quite a feat..

 

il figure something out.

 

Are you able to attend counselling?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Addictions don't go away for as long as you feed them. As long as you allow contact, you will continue to go through this hell of a prison. You hold the keys to this prison, you just have to have the strength to use them.

 

Sounds glib, but it really is the truth. I'm living that truth now. I can honestly say that I have felt more free than I have in a long time by letting the one person go who I was most addicted to.

[llala]

Man. You are the luckiest guy on this board. It's filled with people who would kill to have their ex come back to them (while they are hearbroken of course)