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[hoping2heal]

You may remember my story...here is my old thread from back in Feb or sometime then [COLOR=#990000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t177753/[/COLOR]

 

My ex and I had been engaged. He went haywire last spring, broke up with me, started running around like he was 19 yrs old with his buddies who were all coming out of broken marriages....devestated me....took off to Mexico at Xmas for 3 months....his friends all flew down to meet him....hurt me so bad....he was sending me emails from there...I ignored them.

 

Ran into him a month ago. He came up to me, hugged me, started saying "why am I such an idiot...you look beautiful...I've missed you so bad...Mexico wasn't great...blah blah...asking me a million questions". I was out with girlfriends, was polite and friendly, but left his side and went back to my girlfriends to continue having fun...he sat and stared at me the whole night.

 

Then he emailed me a week later, just a friendly email. Asking me a zillion questions.

 

Then he phoned me drunk out of his mind a week later telling me he thinks about me every second of every day....apologizing profusely for how he treated me....went on and on about how much he misses me and loves me...I was nice and kind of laughed, but didn't "give him anything" to go by. He was drunk. I was sober.

 

Two nights ago he showed up at my house at 10PM. Said he wanted to just stop by for 5 min and say hi. It kind of scared me because i wasn't expecting it. I was in the backyard because it's hot out, and suddenly he's looknig over the fence saying hi.

 

He sat at my house for two hours. Talked and talked about "nothing", asked me a million questions, he looked happy and upbeat....told me he was living in a new condo and had signed a one year lease....etc. Finally after 2 hours I had to ask him to leave becaseu it was midnight.

 

I just don't get it all???? I'm so messed up right now. I still love him, but I'm a strong girl and am not going to take any BS. I'm pissed at him. I've just acted friendly and given him the old, "it's so great we can be friends now" line...as in, I'm not giving in to him. Argh. Help

 

Okay, I read this first; if there are any other specific posts you want me to see let me know, I just wasn't sure where to start!

 

So about this Charlie you have here; you know what he is? He's the kid who promised to go to your birthday party all month long, when suddenly another opportunity came along that seemed like more fun to him, so rather than honoring you; he went camping instead with jimmy from up the street. Jimmy is his new best friend he says. While he was camping, it rained almost the entire time. The bugs were biting, and half their food spoiled. Now he's back and he realises he didn't have more fun, so now he wants to be back in YOUR good graces again.

 

Of course, had he ever really appreciated or respected and cared for you; he couldn't have been swept away with the tide "just because it seemed like fun" to begin with. Why are you telling him it's so great you can be friends though? What is so great about it for you? What do you get out of the friendship? If there aren't enough flakes in your life, you could always go down and buy yourself a box of frosted flakes featuring Tony the Tiger, rather than allow people who don't value to be in your life and call them friend.

 

But go on, I'll let you explain what you're getting out of this marvelous new friendship.

[nature]

Ohhhhhh Hoping, you are SO GOOD!!! Here's a recent one I wrote on Thomas' wall to help him in comparing situations...

 

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4th August 2009, 3:25 PM #29 [sIZE=5][COLOR=#990000]nature[/COLOR][/sIZE]

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Oh Thomas...I can feel your pain.

 

This concerns me in that she is only 18. As a woman, in my 30s, I can tell you that when I was her age, I fell madly in love, but broke up with him because of the same reasons. I felt young, saw my whole world in front of me, was starting university, wanting to explore, hang out with friends, see the world and not be tied down. I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's the truth. When I look back on it now, I can still think about that guy. I am still sad I hurt him like I did. Because he was an amazing guy. And even now, I can say that he was probably one of the most amazing guys I ever dated, and would have made a wonderful husband. But I just wasnt' ready to be that serious. We dated for 3 years. He tried to win me back for 2 years after we split up. But I, as well, had my parents telling me I was too young to settle down. Needed to focus on being young, goign to university, enjoying everything that freedom had to offer. He went on and married another woman when he was 27, and they are still together. I am happy for him, as he found someone who wanted what he wanted at that time.

 

Now if this situation were today, I could only imagine having someone that loyal, that amazing, that much in wanting to settle down and get married. I could live with regret now, but I don't let myself. However, I am now in my late 30s, have had many more relationships, broken hearts, had my heart broken....all for what? To find someone as wonderful as the first man I ever loved whose heart I broke. I am telling you this only to explain to you that there was no other reason I broke up with him, than I wasn't ready. It had nothign to do with him. I just simply wasn't ready. If he came along today in the exact circumstances, I would be ready, and I would snap him up like you have no idea. But back at that young age, I had nothign to gauge it by. I saw the whole world in front of my eyes. I didn't want to feel trapped yet. Maybe that sounds bad, but it's the truth.

 

However, now at this age, I sometimes feel I am getting my retribution for having hurt him like I did. I fell madly in love with a man 4 yrs ago. He asked me to marry him. We were engaged and planning our life together. And I was ready. I said yes to marrying him with every ounce of my heart and soul. The only problem is, that after 3 yrs together, and while engaged, he started acting like someone who was not ready for a relationship. He was close to 40 yrs old at this time, and many of his friends where coming out of long term marriages, getting divorced, etc. and he started picking up with them. Soon he was going out with them to bars, drinking alot, partying, and putting me on the back burner. I of course was hurt, got angry, and he started saying all we do is fight. Yes, we started fighting because my fiance suddenly decided he was going to act like a 19 yr old party boy again. He sabotaged our relationship because he realized he wasn't ready. So he broke up with me.

 

I am telling you this, because I think it helps to see things from the other perspective. We've now been split up a year. He has tried to stay in contact with me. Written me emails. Phoned me. Shown up at my house, etc. At first I was devestated, cried, asked him what the hell he was doing. But he just kept saying it won't work with us because all we do is fight. I was so angry, because that wasn't true. We had been wonderful, until he deliberatley started sabotaging things. So I cut him off I went NC. I didn't respond to his emails from Xmas onward. Then I ran into him in May. He came up to me. Said he was the biggest idiot. Said he knows he's difficult. Says he messed up the best thing ever. I was cool to him. He then phoned me late one night drunk saying how much he loves and misses me. He then showed up at my house saying the same, yet he was again drunk from being out with his friends. I just listened. I didn't do anything.

 

He then called me one night sober. Started backpeddling on all the "love professions" he'd given me. Said he shouldn't have said that all and he was sorry, because he knows it probably wouldn't work between us. I said, "what do you want...are you wanting to get back together"...he said, "um, it's not that easy...we fight...and we dont' get along when we're together, blah, blah blah". I eventually said good night and hung up. He's called me a few times since, left friends msg's, but we really haven't talked. It was all HIS confusion. Not mine. I've stayed strong. He doens't know how much I hurt. I've pretended I'm happy and ok and doing great. INside I'm broken and hurt and sad, but my pride won't let him see that. Becasue I know he's confused.

 

I worry your ex is confused as well. I worry about you getting hurt more. This is why I am telling you my story. So that if you do call her, you don't put your whole heart out there. Because the minute I even said to my ex, "what do you want, do you want to get back together?" he immediately backpeddled, switched his tune and suddenly said we can't. So just tread lightly is all I am saying. If I were to call my ex up right now and profess my love for him, he'd probably say no right away, even tho he's the one who's been contacting me. Make sense? No it doesn't! But it's the reality! So be wary!

 

[nature]

And another one....from Thomas' recent

 

 

5th August 2009, 10:01 PM #46 [sIZE=5][COLOR=#990000]nature[/COLOR][/sIZE]

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It soooo sucks!!! It really does!! The only thing that keeps me from getting entwined in my ex's confusion, is my pride. Believe me, i think about it every day. But my pride stops me from doing anything. Even when he contacted me the last few months, told me he missed me, we are meant to be together, etc. I played it very cool. Then after he said all that to me, he called me one evening and back peddled on everything he'd said, and I still played it cool (even tho inside it hurt). I just told him, "lol no worries...I know you and didn't take your words to heart so don't worry about apologizing"....I brushed it off so he would think I was totally lethargic about it all now.

 

Then he phoned me a few more times after that, just shooting the ****. At one point he said he was happy we are on good terms now, said some other stuff, and I said well if you ever want to get a coffee or go for a walk, give me a call. He immediately got tongue tied, said "you scare me". I said, "pardon, I scare you?". He said, "well I mean, you scare me because I'm attracted to you so it scares me to see you in person". I said, "ok, no problem, I understand!!". I kept it light and breezy. I told him about some great things that are genuinely going on in my life, I sounded upbeat and happy, and he sounded all soft hearted and said he was happy for me and wasn't surprised these good things are happening to me, etc.

 

So, as much as he broke up with me a year ago, ripped my heart to pieces, I've forced myself to stay strong and keep moving forward. It's soooooo hard. It really is. But we all have to do it. Because as Beeeyotch said, they broke up with us, so we really have no choice. Our choice was taken from us when they ended things with us.

 

Yes, it sucks....but it's the reality.

 

[nature]

And another one.... [/url]

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Yesterday, 11:42 AM #50 [sIZE=5][COLOR=#990000]nature[/COLOR][/sIZE]

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Mickle....I don't want him back unless on good, healthy terms. I still love him. I still miss him every day even tho we've been broken up a year. I fell madly in love with him and said yes to marrying him and spending my life with him. But as you read, he went nutso and sabotaged our relationship and expected me to put up with him running around partying like he was 19 yrs old all of a sudden. I do not want him back on those terms and would never accept him back on those terms. So yes, I miss the times we shared, the love we shared, the 3 yrs we were together. But I don't miss the last few months of our relationship, when he started to pick up with old friends who were coming out of the wood work, out of long term marriages, getting divorced, etc. They were in negative mindsets, running from their problems and partying, and my ex picked up with them, even tho he was in a completely different situation. He was starting his life with someone. They were ending their lives with someone. Yet my ex picked up with them and sabotaged what we had. When I got angry at him and started freaking out at him, he dumped me and said all we do is fight. Damn straight all we'll do is fight if he actually thought I would accept his sudden mid life crisis BS behaviour! lol

 

And when he did profess his love, etc a few times this spring and call me etc...he then called me one night all in a weird mood and backpeddled on everythng he said to me, said he knew it wouldn't work with us because all we do is fight, etc. i didn't even fight him on it. I just said, "ok"! I can't change his mind and don't want to. If that's the mindset he's in, then let him be in it. That's his choice. One minute he's phoning me saying how much he loves and misses me and wants to grow old with me and that he's a stupid idiot for messing up the best thing that ever happened to him....the next minute he's phoning me telling me it would never work and he's sorry and shouldn't have said he wanted to be with me because he does but knows it would never work.

 

I'm not fighting him on any of it. It's his choice to feel how he feels. I just know I won't settle for crumbs. And I deserve someone who wants to be with me 100%. And you deserve that too!!

 

[nature]

And another! My have I healed compared to where I was at in Jan/Feb

 

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Yesterday, 12:06 PM #52 [sIZE=5][COLOR=#990000]nature[/COLOR][/sIZE]

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Mickle...thanks! I did offer him to go for a walk or coffee...to actually talk in person. I put myself out there. He turned it down, saying he was too scared to be around me. That tells me he's not remotely at a "place" wherein he is ready for a committed, adult relationship if he is too scared to meet the girl he was engaged to. If he wanted to work things out, he would want to see me and talk in person. Not call me drunk, then back peddle, then call me acting like a friend, yet not actually want to see me in person. My gut tells me he is not at a place where he can put himself out there 100%. And that tells me it would only lead to heart ache.

 

He hurt me bad. Bad last summer. I have healed, but i've never been that hurt before. So in my eyes, it is HE who needs to put himself out there a little bit. What more can i do but offer to see each other in person. He said no to that, so I really can't do much more. I am not goign to beg.

 

If he's that insecure about getting hurt, then he's not ready. You have to be willing to make yourself vulnerable to be in a relationship. And he hurt me. I didn't hurt him. I was 100% committed to him for life. I wanted to marry him with every ounce of my heart and soul. He broke up with me. He ripped me to shreds. It took me a long time to heal.

 

[nature]

And another! lol Still can't believe how much I've healed since the anger and hurt at xmas and few months after

 

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Today, 11:59 AM #58 [sIZE=5][COLOR=#990000]nature[/COLOR][/sIZE]

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Mickle..thanks! I forgot to mention that I did tell him I don't appreciate the drunk calls, and that I don't take anything seriously when he calls me drunk. He hasn't done it now for wks. I think he felt like a jerk. I was nice about it, but firm. Then one funny thing that happened after that...I'll just tell you...is one night I got a phone call on a Sunday night at 11:30 pm from his number...I answered, and it was one of his friends rambling on into the phone speaking spanish....I was like, pardon? He sounded drunk. I said, "who is this?". He hung up. Well two days later I got a phone call from my ex leaving me a msg saying he was just checking his phone log and had forgotten about Sunday night and apologized for the mishap...said he and his friends had been golfing all day, had a few too many beers on the course and after, and one of his friends had left his phone in the others car, so my ex had dialed the guys number for his friend, had accidentally hit mine, and that is why his friend was rambling on to me drunk...thinking i was the other guy.

 

He left me this long winded apology msg, to which I never replied or called him back. Since then he left me another nicer msg sober one evening a few weeks ago. But I was out and didn't get home till late, so just sent him a quick email saying thanks for the msg and hope he's doing well as well. I am really keeping my distance.

 

As you can probably see as well as I can, he is still running around with these guys he took up with, still drinking their lives away and doing the "bachelor" thing. If I really let myself, I could be very hurt by it and angry that he threw what we had away for that. But I don't let myself, because i know it's not my fault, not my issue, not my problem. It was his choice, and nothing I did or could do would change it.That is what he wanted and what he clearly still wants, so I won't fight it.

 

I'm really trying to keep moving forward. If I saw changes in him I may think differently. If he had called, professed his love, apologized, and then shown me that he realizes what an idiot he was and what he lost and that he's made some positive changes to himself, I'd be more inclined to be straight up with him and say, let's do this. However, I have seen none of that. He's still on the bachelor party wagon, and I dont' want that anywhere near my life. I really don't.

 

Yes, he knows he messed things up. But he is a big boy. He is 40 yrs old. He can choose to keep living like he is, or he could pull himself out of it, and turn his life around and back on track, and pursue me in a mature way like when we first met. However, he's still on the "going backwards track" which I see very clearly. And I just try not to think about it too much, becasue if I really did, it would eat me up inside that he threw me away for that BS. So I just try to seperate myself from it and keep moving forward with my life, keep staying positive, keep surrounding myself with goodness, and try to have an open heart and no bitterness.

 

Thanks everyone! See what you started Thomas...this is good for all of us!!!!

 

[nature]

Thanks so much for starting this thread Hoping! Don't worry if you dont' have time to read the blurb of recent posts I put up on here. It just feels good to know I've come a long way in myself and my own healing now, compared to how angry and sick to my stomach I was at Xmas and after. You have the most amazing way of analyzing things and making things straight up and clear. Have you ever thought of being a psychologist or counsellor? Seriously!

[hoping2heal]

[sIZE=2]Ok, 1 at a time. Firstly, you feel madly in infatuation, with the guy I don't think it was love. That is no insult on you; I remember the first guy I fell "madly" in love with; I realise now while there was concern and love; it was a baby love. If Tom's girl, or you had felt trully deep love for that person; you wouldn't have them go at any cost. You weren't ready because you were young and also because the love was under developed. PERFECTLY normal for your age, by the way. Yes, it's easy to think about that man now and think you should have stayed, but who's to say you wouldn't regretted it if you had? You don't know how he has changed over the years or developed as a person, and I guarantee he isn't nearly the same man now as he was then. He could still be a very good, wonderful man; and still be more incompatible with you than you can imagine.

I don't think what you've gone through is retribution for hurting that man from your past. You never did anything malicious- you just followed your heart. You actually did the RIGHT thing, because if you weren't every bit as dedicated to him and the relationship at that point as he was; he needed someone else who could give that to him. You did him a very good thing, you just may not have ever looked at it that way. It's simply too easy to look at our past, and "knowing we know now" assume we made the wrong decisions, but ther eality is; the present is the way it is because we made different choices and had we made different choices then? The present we know now would also be different. It could even be worse.

As for your ex? Honey, he's what we call around here "A dime a dozen". It really is NO SWEAT to find an immature man, who enjoys being selfish, is unstable in his ways, wishy washy and loves to go with the flow about everything, and doesn't have any principles to keep him grounded. You want him back? close your eyes, and pick a few numbers out of the phone book. Get ten or 15 of him, why not!

Now that I've read further, I think more than ever, there's NO point or use or advantage to having him in your life as any capacity. As I say to others; don't insult your intelligence.

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[nature]

Hoping...BANG ON again you are!!! Your analysis of my first post is AMAZING!!! Thank you, thank you! I love the idea of opening up the phone book and finding a bunch of the same types easily! Oooooh thank you!!! It's always so hard to clear our own head sometimes when we are the one in it. And close friends and family who knew both of us always have such a personal view. So this is amazing to hear it from someone removed! Thank you so, so, so much!!

[hoping2heal]

Thanks so much for starting this thread Hoping! Don't worry if you dont' have time to read the blurb of recent posts I put up on here. It just feels good to know I've come a long way in myself and my own healing now, compared to how angry and sick to my stomach I was at Xmas and after. You have the most amazing way of analyzing things and making things straight up and clear. Have you ever thought of being a psychologist or counsellor? Seriously!

 

Thankyou, I probably couldn't do those jobs, no. Most people are not looking for the truth, and would rather walk away or ignore you once you've spoken it and they know it. Also, I kind of just say it like it is, Maybe I could be a radio counsellor instead?? LOL

[hoping2heal]

Hoping...BANG ON again you are!!! Your analysis of my first post is AMAZING!!! Thank you, thank you! I love the idea of opening up the phone book and finding a bunch of the same types easily! Oooooh thank you!!! It's always so hard to clear our own head sometimes when we are the one in it. And close friends and family who knew both of us always have such a personal view. So this is amazing to hear it from someone removed! Thank you so, so, so much!!

 

You're most certainly welcome, but you should thank yourself more so. I can talk all the truth and common sense in the world, but it will do no good for a lot of people if they aren't receptive. You'lre intelligent enough to embrace the truth instead of hiding from it. That's going to do you a world of good. Now, back to this frosted flake of yours. You planning to STILL keep him in your life?

[nature]

ha ha ha!! I'm sorry, but "Frosted Flake"....hysterical! That's one of the best names I've heard yet!!

 

Well, so far I really feel like he's now gone from my life. Last summer I was mean. Mad and mean. Ohhhh was I mad and mean. For some damn reason I just don't feel that mad and mean anymore. I don't feel like doing anything about him. I'm still sad over it all and think what a shame. But I've accepted it all and I'm moving forward still.

 

But I don't know what I'll do if my phone rings again. I know you'll say not to answer it. why do I answer it? Some sick sense of thinking I'm strong now and I'm doing well so I can talk to him and it doesn't bother me the way it used to. Some sick sense of proving to myself how far I've come. Some sick sense of still caring about him, even if I'm not jumping up and down to get back together with him. All the wrong reasons, I know. Believe me, I question myself on this.

 

I've always had a hard time shutting people out entirely....unless I'm so angry and betrayed by them that I just do it. Why am I not soooooo angry with him anymore? I should be. I know. I know I should be. Maybe it's because I feel like I've accomplished so much the last year and my life has grown in such a good way, that I don't harbour angst about my life falling apart after he left me. Maybe it's because I feel like out of the two of us, I am the one who is now doing ok. When last summer he was cocky and cheeky and arrogant, and I was a sobbing depressed mess.

 

I don't know? I don't really know what he wanted when contacting me this spring/summer....other than what you said. About kids playing, finding out one thing isn't as fun as they thought it would be, so they go back to the old thing. And I guess he was trying, as stupid as he did it. And I didn't bite. I was nice, but i didn't fall into his arms weeping to be with him. I was just friendly to him like an old friend. No emotion.

 

So I think he's kind of not going to come back and try again for anything. And I feel ok. I do. I feel good that I'm not raging angry and hurt anymore. And that i no logner want to scream and tell him off. It feels good to feel good now.

 

But give me the goods! lol Tell me how I've handled everything wrong! Because I'm sure I have, and you would have handled it much stronger! Sometimes I question myself right now and why I have been nice to him this spring. It's weird. If I wanted to jump back with him, I probably could have. But it probably would haev been the same. So I didn't. I don't know. I really don't.

[hoping2heal]

But give me the goods!

 

Okay I am about too.

 

lol Tell me how I've handled everything wrong! Because I'm sure I have, and you would have handled it much stronger!

 

Now I would have but honey I have fallen down so many times with this kind of stuff there's a permanent scar! Wait..maybe that's a stretch mark.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes I question myself right now and why I have been nice to him this spring. It's weird. If I wanted to jump back with him, I probably could have. But it probably would haev been the same. So I didn't. I don't know. I really don't.

 

Okay, now to the goods! First thing first; You still care about him romantically, and you WOULD take the bait if you didn't know deep down the minute you stood up to the plate to bat, he was going to flake out on you. If you knew he would take you back, you would go for it at this point. All the more reason to get him out of your life, because this guy doesn't treat you like you deserve, and keeping him around will delude you into thinking you deserve less than what you do in a man. I don't care if you "don't feel angry" at him or not.

 

 

He's a first class jackass, he shows no respect for you as a person, he doesn't have any interest that extends beyond his own nose. You don't need people like that in your life, don't ever take that kind of crap quietly and sitting down. Sweep those little bugs under the rug. You're not "angry" right now, but you haven't healed either. Right now, he's in your life and that's like ice cube on a burn. It provides some temporary relief from the pain, but until you take it off and give your burn time to heal on it's own, it's going to steal for awhile. You can keep that ice on there all day if you want, but the burn can't heal until you take it away.

 

As I said before; don't insult you're intelligence. That's what you're doing allowing a man like this the privellage of even KNOWING you're alive.

[nature]

Oh my gosh, YOU ARE SO RIGHT....and I would say the exact same thing to anyone else.....and have even said it to myself. You are so damn right it's scary. Scary.

 

you are right. We've been broken up a year, yet I still love this person...or think I love this person. Thinking about him romantically is a better way to put it. Because in all my years, I've dated a lot of men....but never before have I been so sure about anyone and wanting to spend my life with someone. Why this jack ass? I don't know. but the first few yrs it was different. It honestly was. Even his closest friends (not the dirt bags he picked up with) have said how much he changed. How they don't even really know him anymore. and these are guys who have hung with him the last 10 yrs while the other dirt bags were off married and living the married life.

 

But suddenly the married ones....seriously a few of them within months of each other, had marriages break up and suddenly started coming out of the wood work. And my ex picked up with them.

 

So I guess my thoughts to him stem from the first few yrs when things were good. And we were close and best friends. It was the last 6 months to a year of our relationship that it went haywire.

 

But I now realize that the first few yrs when things were good, were probably a facade. Him trying to be good and mature. and the last year when he went haywire is probably the real him. No matter what some of his friends have said to me. Some have tried to tell me this isn't him and they don't know what happened to him either. But I don't know how this couldn't be him. Seriously.

 

So you truly believe he does't care about me at all? I think you're right. I do. I think he really only cares about him. I do.

 

And I knew him even before I started dating him. I met him right after I'd left a long term relationship. I wasn't ready to get involved with someone else, so said no to dating him several times. He pursued me for a few yrs and I got to know him first as a friend for a few yrs. Then we met up at a point when I was just ready. And we honeslty did have an amazing thing for awhile. EVen my parents, who are old fashioned, loved him. And they don't love everyone. lol Even my sister who is married and bloody picky, loved him. They all thought he was this mature man, because that's how he acted.

 

That's anotehr reason this has been hard. Becasue my family has been hurt and surprised by it all as well. They were shocked by it almost as much as I was.

 

I guess you could say it's been one big mind ****, to put it lightly.

 

And you are right. I still need to heal and keep him away from me. I needed to hear it from someone removed from me. THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOO much....honestly and sincerely....THANK YOU!

[hoping2heal]

Who he was back then is irrelevent now. I used to love cool ranch dorritos. Yes, I did. Do you know what they taste like now? Taste like crap. Sure, they were great many years ago, but now they don't put enough seasoning on them and make them cheaply. They don't taste very good.

 

The same is true with your ex. Maybe he was "a great guy" for years ago, but there was also something going on, that he decided to also just abandon his relationship so easily like this. Really, you dodged a bullet. Do I think he cares about you? No. Any man that cares about you, will never play a game with you like he played for sake of their own ego boost. I am referring to when he came around talking about what an idiot he was...then when you asked him to turn those words into action, his ass signed a check his mouth couldn't cash. That's another dime a dozen trait by the way. Don't worry, lots of those out there.

 

I think any man who cared about you, would let you go so you could heal instead of doing things to confuse your head, and use you for a back up ego boost everytime he took a piddle and realised his balls are starting to shrivel. That's what someone who cared about you would do.

[nature]

Thanks Hoping!!! It's honestly soooooo good to feel validated in what thoughts and feelings go thru my head sometimes! I'll have fleeting moments of shock, wherein I think "holy **** did that really happen and did he really do all this"...and then I quickly get busy and turn off those feelings and thoughts because I'm sick of thinking about them. Sometimes I second guess myself when I have those shocked feelings come up...and I question whether I'm being too hard on him in my thoughts. I can be pretty stubborn and hard headed, so I sometimes catch myself and question whether I have a right to feel as angry and hard headed as I can. Perhaps why I really tried to work thru the anger and let it go, so that I could get to a place of peace, and not feel my blood boiling inside.

 

Thanks so much!

[nature]

Ps...Hoping, when you get a chance, what is your story and where are you at??? I feel bad I haven't even asked you...you've just helped me so much, which I do sooooo appreciate!!

[ScarLettIsle]

if u want him back - set ur game!! tell'm the rules what u want - what u expect and will not tolerate START OVER...make'm work!! then if u decide to keep him live and let live - otherwise keep it moving - u're older - wiser benefit from that...

[nature]

Thanks Scarlette! However, I don't think that is where this is going. Or where he was even going with contacting me. I really don't think his contact was an attempt to have the relatioship back, as he said several times that "it would never work as we fight too much", etc. But thanks for your words!

[ScarLettIsle]

Thanks Scarlette! However, I don't think that is where this is going. Or where he was even going with contacting me. I really don't think his contact was an attempt to have the relatioship back, as he said several times that "it would never work as we fight too much", etc. But thanks for your words!

 

lol sorry i just JUMP IN!! so he was tryin to make nice for his past indiscretion...oh well live and let live!!! ;o)

[hoping2heal]

Ps...Hoping, when you get a chance, what is your story and where are you at??? I feel bad I haven't even asked you...you've just helped me so much, which I do sooooo appreciate!!

 

No problem dear . What is my story..well... not going through a breakup myself . I did go through something very painful last summer, that affected me very deeply, but since moving on (and following my own advice ) I have found a trully wonderful man, that I adore very much. We love eachother very deeply, and I'm a happy girl. I know all about how you can meet a wonderful man if your head is out of the sand and you're not pre occupied by the one who isn't for you.

[nature]

Hoping, that is fantastic! Really happy for you! Now I know why you are able to give such amazingly accurate and straight out advice...because you've lived through pain, come out the other side and you are living a healthy life with a healthy relationship! It is so, so nice to hear someone speak so highly about their significant other! Very happy for you! Now where is the ex? is he long gone, or do you ever hear from him?

[nature]

lol! Thanks Scarlett, and no problem!! I don't even think it was about him making nice...it was more about him checking in to see if I was still available for his ego to be boosted a little. Who knows. I certainly don't!

[hoping2heal]

Hoping, that is fantastic! Really happy for you! Now I know why you are able to give such amazingly accurate and straight out advice...because you've lived through pain, come out the other side and you are living a healthy life with a healthy relationship! It is so, so nice to hear someone speak so highly about their significant other! Very happy for you! Now where is the ex? is he long gone, or do you ever hear from him?

 

I sure have been. I was beyond devestated. I didn't eat for 9 days, and hardly slept at all the first month of after the breakup, then slowly I forced myself into imitating a person who is alive:p. Where is ex? Well let's see.. 3 mos after our break up, he started posting photos of me on not one but two personal sights, and even had the gall to write captions like "The only woman I love." My friend had told me about this, which of course I ran to the pc to look, and was estatic. If that weren't enough; I broke NC thinking he obviously wanted me back and just was too prideful.

 

 

Once back in his life, he began confusing me. I would stay away from ANY conversation about us; and HE would be the one to bring it up saying things like "there have been no other girls since you, I was so depressed when we ended". It all sounds like hope yes? Well, in reality it had only been about a 3 weeks window in which all this occured. So, I said it point blank- if you want to be with me and reconcile, I'm willing to work it out, and do my part to make things better as well. But I need to know- I can't play this game, it hurts me too much. Let me know or let your pride stand in the way and lose me forever. Well..I never heard from him and within a week I knew what I needed to do; go NC all the way and not to get him back; but to heal.

 

I started to realise that the man out there for me would love and cherish me, he would work things out with me,and he would never put me through mind games that only added more torment to my heart- I'd been through enough. I just realised that the right man for me, would not cause me so much terrible pain. I moved on..and a few months after being over that guy I met my wonderful, beyong amazing partner . He is much better suited for me and he deeply cares about my well being, he would never do anything to hurt me intentionally. He's just an amazing, amazing blessing in my life. He's everything I could hope for- I know that sounds cliche but I mean EVERY word.

 

Oh..and that pesky ex? He tried to get himself back in my life about a month ago. . I guess he didn't take me seriously when I told him I wouldn't play games; anyhow I politely told him I wish him all the best (and I do) but I had no interest in him being in my life in any capacity (which I don't, I'm deeply in love with someone else and furthermore- he didn't treat me in any way that I would want to be treated by someone I called friend, also I don't personally believe in staying in contact with exes out of respect for your current partners feelings.)

 

So there you have it, had I not wisened up and realised the guy for me isn't going to drag me through hot coals and put me through hell, I might still be stuck in my own head, and I might not of moved on and had my heart freed up at the time I met the wonderful person who is in my life now!

[nature]

Oh my gosh, your story almost made me cry...seriously!! I cannot believe what you went through with your ex...no wonder you are so wise to my situation....because you lived it and breathed it and got run through the coals badly....I cannot believe your ex led you to believe he wanted you back, and you got involved with him, but when push came to shove, he left. No wonder...no wonder you are soooooo wise to ex's!!!! Congratulations for seeing through your ex's "stuff" and going NC....allowing yourself to meet the wonderful man you are with now! It is like a breath of fresh air reading your story...it truly is!!