Surfer Girl Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I have struggled on and off for 7 years with a man that I have finally come to terms with.... When he is not with me he wants me... When he is with me doesn't want me... I have had the hope of reconcilliation and the belief he truelly believed what he said at the time.....(an attorney no less) Once healthy, I now find myself in an unhealthy relationship that is co-dependent and addictive.... I really hope enough time passes to get over this addiction.... The pain is more than I can endure anymore.... We have never been more than 4 months NC..... It has been 2 weeks and the pattern is apparent..... I want my self respect back..... I don't want to go back again... I have been NC, and yes we are very compatable, sexually and all the things that should suggest a LTR..... yet, this man continues to say its not you its me.... etc etc..... At times I am hurt and confused, at times I am angry, at times I am sad....the hardest part is accepting the famous quote Insanity.... doing the same things over and over and expecting it to be different. I think the hardest part is letting go.... I have analyzized, I have done the tough love, I just never wanted to give up...... His childhood, committment issues and the "I wish I had met you 15 years ago... was all about me wanting him to realize I was the one What I am doing is abusing myself by letting him abuse me..... He is a runner, committment phobia person that will most likely live alone..... Me, I still have a chance......
Author Surfer Girl Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 Thank you leap83..... sometimes you just have to vent and you don' t always get a response.... I do appreciate your feedback
broken_promises Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Ugh... commitment phobes are just the worst. They keep you trapped in that pattern of hope and it is nearly impossible to let go when they keep pulling you back in. At least you know what you are dealing with... for me, the hard part is believing that I really do deserve it all... a great person AND the commitment. Good luck getting through this.
ScarLettIsle Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 just LET GO - while u still have ur courage up!!!
Author Surfer Girl Posted August 8, 2009 Author Posted August 8, 2009 I am trying to let go.... very difficult when you feel this person is the one and continues to make you beleive you are the one and then continues to try to make it work and then distances themselves.... Whatever they say, I feel I can not believe it anymore... And it is a very painful process to realize you just need to move on....
phoenix1 Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Surfer girl you could have been telling my story. We are on the second break up, only been about 3 weeks and the pain is almost unbearable sometimes. My ex tells me when we are broken up "I don't love you any less, I think I love you more now". He definitely wants me when he's lost me and then starts to leave once he's got me again. He was the one that came back to me after 2 months last time, only to start withdrawing after a few weeks. I asked him so many times "Why did you come back in my life?" And he would say "because I love you and I miss you". To me all this and what you described definitely speaks to commitment/ intimacy issues. It's so confusing because before this insanity of the last 6 months, we had 2 and 1/2 yrs of a near perfect relationship. We were head over heels, got along great, great sex, hardly ever fought. It was the kind of relationship other people would envy. So sad, so confusing. Sorry I kinda hijacked your thread, but what I really wanted to say is that your strength to make the decision to move on, helps me. It's what I need, but don't want, to do. Thank you
ScarLettIsle Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I am trying to let go.... very difficult when you feel this person is the one and continues to make you beleive you are the one and then continues to try to make it work and then distances themselves.... Whatever they say, I feel I can not believe it anymore... And it is a very painful process to realize you just need to move on.... have u visited baggagereclaim.com about mr. unavailable and the fallback gurl??? if not please get urself there quickly!! LOVE THE WRITERS SO ON POINT
Devil Inside Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Sounds like he is a love avoidant. Read Facing Your Love Addiction...it could really help you understand the addiction that exists in relationships of this sort. Be gentle with yourself...I'm sure your emotions are a mess.
phoenix1 Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 @ScarLetteIsle- UHHHH! The site you suggested is so painful to read. I just glanced through it and so much of it is so painfully familiar and true...thanks....I think (:
ScarLettIsle Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 @scarletteisle- uhhhh! The site you suggested is so painful to read. I just glanced through it and so much of it is so painfully familiar and true...thanks....i think (: hey like devil said be gentle with yourself - it takes time to work thru our own convoluted emotions add someone else into the mix its a nightmare... I hope u find what u need!!!
Author Surfer Girl Posted August 9, 2009 Author Posted August 9, 2009 Thank you Scarlett for that insightful websight.... It truelly makes me realize how I really need to move on.... And Devil inside I will read Face your Love Addiction (who is the author)...... I have not done well with boundries and am determined to recognize myself as someone that deserves to be loved.... I am slowly getting my self respect back and have no intentions of going back to a relationship that continually causes me pain. Rejection is the major cause and I just have to realize he is emotionally unavailable and it is him not me....... He has already told me he is a conflicted person and I believe him..... He needs to do the "me" work for himself and so do I........ I truelly hope he does not contact me in my vulnerable stage..... AS I have never denied him...... Keep repeating respect yourself, love yourself and know that you deserve more.... Repeat!!!
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