lap Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I am 31 and have been single most of my life, irrespective of the fact that I'm quite good looking, immodesty aside. My last relationship (I have had two till date) finished bitterly and left its remnants for a long time. I didn't try to go out again for 3 - 4 years, although I was lonely. A few months back, I signed myself up for a matrimonial website and met someone online who is in the US (I'm in Europe). He is a scientist with the NASA and I have verified this. He says he is a nerd and is a virgin. He also claims he has never been in a relationship and that he was always 'studying'. He is 32, quite handsome and tall, something that I always wanted in my man, I'm 5-10 myself. The problem is sometimes he is there and sometimes he is not. I have messaged him (on his phone) things like 'thinking about you' and have not received a reply for two days. And then he calls one day and chats for 2 hours. He talks a lot about science and astronomy and though I'm a lecturer myself, talking about solar system and quantum theory is not my idea of fun. Having said that, he can be very funny and we have had great laughs a number of times. And then he disconnects the phone on me and never bothers to call back for days. He is coming to meet me (proposed it himself) next month. He is taking the trip just to see me. He has also removed his profile from the website and I think its because at some level he is serious about me. I fear I'll get thoroughly bored with him and that he will never be able to love and romance me the way I have dreamt my husband should. Having said that I have seen so many frivolous, manipulative men around that I'm not sure if I should let him go. Of course it is possible that he is hiding something from me and that this attitude is a facade. I am not getting any younger and have liked someone after ages. I'm scared that I'll end up lonely as there are few that I get attracted to. What do I do? Thanks already for your help.
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I am 31 and have been single most of my life, irrespective of the fact that I'm quite good looking, immodesty aside. My last relationship (I have had two till date) finished bitterly and left its remnants for a long time. I didn't try to go out again for 3 - 4 years, although I was lonely. A few months back, I signed myself up for a matrimonial website and met someone online who is in the US (I'm in Europe). He is a scientist with the NASA and I have verified this. He says he is a nerd and is a virgin. He also claims he has never been in a relationship and that he was always 'studying'. He is 32, quite handsome and tall, something that I always wanted in my man, I'm 5-10 myself. The problem is sometimes he is there and sometimes he is not. I have messaged him (on his phone) things like 'thinking about you' and have not received a reply for two days. And then he calls one day and chats for 2 hours. He talks a lot about science and astronomy and though I'm a lecturer myself, talking about solar system and quantum theory is not my idea of fun. Having said that, he can be very funny and we have had great laughs a number of times. And then he disconnects the phone on me and never bothers to call back for days. He is coming to meet me (proposed it himself) next month. He is taking the trip just to see me. He has also removed his profile from the website and I think its because at some level he is serious about me. I fear I'll get thoroughly bored with him and that he will never be able to love and romance me the way I have dreamt my husband should. Having said that I have seen so many frivolous, manipulative men around that I'm not sure if I should let him go. Of course it is possible that he is hiding something from me and that this attitude is a facade. I am not getting any younger and have liked someone after ages. I'm scared that I'll end up lonely as there are few that I get attracted to. What do I do? Thanks already for your help. I think it's a problem that he will hang up on you and not call back. That seems really weird behavior to me. Is there a good reason for this?
Author lap Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 It has happened once and he said the phone got disconnected. Otherwise also we chat twice a week and he calls once a week. The days and timings have been set. If I message outside that 'routine' I don't get a reply, even if the message is something sweet and deserves a prompt reply. He confesses that he is not a romantic and is usually very busy to reply.
Els Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Why not just meet him and see where it goes? It's a bit early to be wondering how committed he is to you based on his calls and messages.
Author lap Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 I wonder if he should take this trip. We will be together for 10 days. How do you tell a man 'this is not working' after he has taken a 12 hours flight to get to see you?
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I wonder if he should take this trip. We will be together for 10 days. How do you tell a man 'this is not working' after he has taken a 12 hours flight to get to see you? You seem awfully convinced it's not going to work. Is there a reason for this?
aerogurl87 Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I wonder if he should take this trip. We will be together for 10 days. How do you tell a man 'this is not working' after he has taken a 12 hours flight to get to see you? Whoa, you've been together for 10 days and he's planning a flight out to you. Ok granted, yes it's good to meant as soon as possible after meeting online, but 10 days?!?!? That just seems a bit soon to me, especially for the distance. And this calling during set times, sounds fishy to me. You sure he's not hiding something like children, a wife, or girlfriend?
Author lap Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 aerogurl, I have known him for 2 months now, we will be together for 10 days when he comes here. hoping2heal, I want to be with someone who is physical (he has never kissed!), can cuddle, I don't mind some mush, a lot of it is good too:laugh:. I have missed being someone's sweetheart and my partner should express his feelings. Otherwise I fear I'll fizzle out.
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 aerogurl, I have known him for 2 months now, we will be together for 10 days when he comes here. hoping2heal, I want to be with someone who is physical (he has never kissed!), can cuddle, I don't mind some mush, a lot of it is good too:laugh:. I have missed being someone's sweetheart and my partner should express his feelings. Otherwise I fear I'll fizzle out. If you feel this guy isn't your type, why lead him on?
Katherineos123 Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 He very well could be the snuggly loving type... he just hasnt found the right girl to show the love to. I think you should have him come see you, get to know him better, and take it from there. 10 days is just 10 days. If you dont feel any sort of connection/spark/whatever you want to call it, there probably isnt going to ever be one. In which case, you guys should stop this song and dance and go your separate ways.
Island Girl Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I wonder if he should take this trip. We will be together for 10 days. How do you tell a man 'this is not working' after he has taken a 12 hours flight to get to see you? The same way you tell someone you go out on one date with. You simply tell him that you don't feel a romantic connection and that is it. In your case, because you are just meeting for the first time, don't be too hasty and do not just run with the first things that strike you. Both of you will be bundles of nerves and that could effect emotions and reactions/interpretations. Just try to relax and enjoy the time. Be open about whatever happens. Give it a real chance. And BTW I met my husband when I was 31 almost 32. Quit talking like you are becoming some cat lady at this point. You have a lot of years ahead of you.
Rollercoasterr Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I wonder if he should take this trip. We will be together for 10 days. How do you tell a man 'this is not working' after he has taken a 12 hours flight to get to see you? After about 10 seconds. Maybe 15. But that's only if the chemistry isn't right. If there's chemistry, I'll say a day just to see how you act around one another. I saw Mathew for the first time, freaked a little as he was coming down the stairs and when he got closer to me it felt like electricity shot through my body. End of story. Been crazy about him ever since. I do suggest that whatever decision you make on that first day, don't follow it. Give it some extra time and see if it's just nerves. Those things can play tricks on you. Give it a few days, enjoy your time, enjoy the companionship. See where it goes.
Devil Inside Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Hmmmm...giving things a chance is always good...but I am seeing some red flags. You want a man that can be romantic, physical, and affectionate. I think some of the reasons this guy has never been in a sexual relationship is because he is socially awkward. He sounds very cerebral and maybe has a hard time really relating on a more social level. He has no experience in bed. i don't know if you will be able to have chemistry.
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