MrFun Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Almost a year ago my gf of 6 years dumped me out of the blue. We'd been great together until about 4 years into the relationship when she went to a party and cheated on me. She lied about it and emailed her ex-bf behind my back. We tried to pull things back together, but it was mainly me initiating the healing, she showed no remorse. 18 months later, I finally forget and forgive and she leaves me out of the blue. Fair enough. (She was actually a lot worse, but for brevity, I'll leave it at that) It was a hard time for me because my dad was dying in hospital and I was suffering from unknown seizures. I think I must have since 15 different doctors since the breakup. Now, almost 12 months later, I get these feelings of hatred towards her. I literally just would like to say "<ex's name>, you're a horrible person.". After the breakup I never had the chance to find closure because she just ran off. I received two emails and that was that. Feels like a sucker punch and she ran off.... I've never wanted this person back, but I would like to tell her that I think she just sucks. Unfortunately, I keep waiting for karma to strike, but nothing ever really happens. I'd like to move on, and for that I'd like to meet her on the street and tell her just the above quote and leave it at that. Leave her standing there. I doubt I'm the only person that this has happened too; a cheater that didn't have the cajones to take the wraith of someone's disappointment. Anyone else feel the same way? Am I still having problems coping with being left behind? Why am I still feeling this after all this time? Just leaving it just winds me up more, I want to have the last word! And what to do about it?....
LakesideDream Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I feel for you. Sadly the world just doesen't work the way you want it to. There is no Karma. The "golden rule" is a guideline for people with good hearts, the rest ignore it with impunity. There is not use in hating her. But that doesen't make the feeling go away. Only time does that. You won't be free until you just don't care about her anymore. I wish you luck.
Soul Bear Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 The longer your want to get that 'last word'...the longer it will take you to heal. Also, it will make you become bitter. The best revenge is a life lived well, and NC to boot. I understand completely your situation, and Im sorry you have been through all this, but just remember, that you will be a stronger person from it, it builds character and self esteem, and you will end up with someone who will blow her away...
broken_promises Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I am a "last word" kind of girl myself. All I know is that my first relationship, the guy let me vent every aspect of hatred and anger for him. (He cheated on me terribly.) Today, I harbor no anger... I feel like I have completely let it go. We have seen each other a few times and I have no animosity. Contrast this with my ex-g/f who refused to let me say my piece, and if I saw her on the street today, it would be like it was the day we broke up. I still hold such hatred because I never said what I needed to say. Finally, this seems to be happening in this current breakup. I found out about a lot of crappy things my ex was doing on Facebook, still feel a lot of anger for how much he led me on throughout the relationship, etc. but he had a real problem with any anger/disappointment being directed at him. Any point during the breakup that became heated, he would shut me down with some passive-aggressive comment effectively keeping me from expressing the things that upset me about everything. So, long story short, I have all of this stuff left to say and, because I can't say it, I am terrified it is going to rattle around in my head for the rest of eternity... just like with my ex-g/f. I am working on why I need to have the last word in therapy. And I am trying TRYING to see my NC as a type of "last word" although it is not easy to turn off the need to actually, you know, use words. Thanks for sharing this post... it is nice to know I'm not the only one who seems to need this in order to move on.
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