DustySaltus Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 How does a girl go from " I want to spend the rest of my life with you" to "I'm glad I was with a guy like you because it showed me exactly the type of person I DON'T want to be with" in a matter of three days?? No cheating, nothing crazy occured just POOF...................wtf???
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Dusty, Your ex pulls this EVERY chance she gets. Are you THAT surprised? She isn't bitter she's being herself and doing what she can to be hurtful. She is constantly spewing venom. She is very childish and has a LOT of growing up to do. Apparently, her attempts at self growth with therapy, were not genuine. There's nothing you can do then. You're just insulting your intelligence like a lot of these women asking for help from us on how to win back an ******* who treated them poorly. I'd swear some people can't live without drama in their lives, or they would get off of this rollercoaster of BS.
nature Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Dusty, I don't know your story. Is she your ex as Hoping2heal called her? If so, when did you two break up and who broke up with who? And for the record...she said those words to you "I'm glad I dated you becasue now I know what I dont' want in my life"....to get a reaction from you and to hurt you. Nothing more, nothing less. They mean nothign, so ignore them. I'm a girl and have listened to lots of my girlfriends bitter over men and laughing because they said those exact same lines to their exes.....so chalk it up to pure BS.
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Dusty, I don't know your story. Is she your ex as Hoping2heal called her? If so, when did you two break up and who broke up with who? And for the record...she said those words to you "I'm glad I dated you becasue now I know what I dont' want in my life"....to get a reaction from you and to hurt you. Nothing more, nothing less. They mean nothign, so ignore them. I'm a girl and have listened to lots of my girlfriends bitter over men and laughing because they said those exact same lines to their exes.....so chalk it up to pure BS. Read some of his previous posts nature. His ex is very manipulative, very much a venom spewer, very childish.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 Hoping, this is what occured the day we broke up, not recently. The "therapy" was something that needed to occur after all of this nonsense i.e. above comments. I'm just still in shock on how things happened so quickly. It's not that I want drama, but i feel like I wish I could get into her psyche to see what she's thinking...
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Hoping, this is what occured the day we broke up, not recently. The "therapy" was something that needed to occur after all of this nonsense i.e. above comments. I'm just still in shock on how things happened so quickly. It's not that I want drama, but i feel like I wish I could get into her psyche to see what she's thinking... So are you looking to seek therapy or this was some idea you conjured up in your head as "well, if she were to do this" ? Secondly, as nature said. What was she thinking? She was thinking it would HURT you, nothing more and nothing less. This was just the quickest way to hurt you and sink her claws a good one in you. She seems to LOVE doing that to you.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 Dusty, I don't know your story. Is she your ex as Hoping2heal called her? If so, when did you two break up and who broke up with who? And for the record...she said those words to you "I'm glad I dated you becasue now I know what I dont' want in my life"....to get a reaction from you and to hurt you. Nothing more, nothing less. They mean nothign, so ignore them. I'm a girl and have listened to lots of my girlfriends bitter over men and laughing because they said those exact same lines to their exes.....so chalk it up to pure BS. If you go through my thread history and see "get on a plane and work it out" you'll see the whole story. Take a look at that and let me know what you think, because it's a pretty long, crazy story... She "kicked me out" I say it in quotes because she really didn't want me to leave but she threatened my job and career and at that point I said, I just got to get out of here. Read the story and bring some popcorn lol
DSM-IV Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 It's rather common (and cliche these days) that the "victims" always want back the people who hurt them so badly. It usually is as simple as a hurt ego. We view people who belittle us, as superior, when we love them. If they abuse us or hurt us deeply, we simply see them as above us and worthy, a lot of the time. Dusty, open your damn eyes. The end.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 So are you looking to seek therapy or this was some idea you conjured up in your head as "well, if she were to do this" ? Secondly, as nature said. What was she thinking? She was thinking it would HURT you, nothing more and nothing less. This was just the quickest way to hurt you and sink her claws a good one in you. She seems to LOVE doing that to you. There's two issues with the therapy. One, I never went before but I knew when I came back I needed help and I put a plan in progress right away to try and work past all of this for myself. Two, with that being said I wanted her to go to therapy to get help with her trust and anger issues because I did want to be with her under the right circumstances, but she doesn't think she has a problem.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 It's rather common (and cliche these days) that the "victims" always want back the people who hurt them so badly. It usually is as simple as a hurt ego. We view people who belittle us, as superior, when we love them. If they abuse us or hurt us deeply, we simply see them as above us and worthy, a lot of the time. Dusty, open your damn eyes. The end. I don't think that I thought she was superior at all. If I thought that way I never would've left and succumbed to her every need and gave up my career and goals for her. This has nothing to do with ego, it alll has to do with a 180 in her emotions. This is what I can't understand...
DSM-IV Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I don't think that I thought she was superior at all. If I thought that way I never would've left and succumbed to her every need and gave up my career and goals for her. Umm. Actually, you would give it all up for someone you feel is superior. Was that sarcasm or something? Because it played PERFECTLY in line with my initial assumption....... And your conscious isn't aware your ego was damaged. It's usually subconscious, and only appears to your conscious in the form of a constant desire to get that person back. You don't realize the true motives though. As for her switching around like that. I could name off more than a few disorders she qualifies for. But do you even want her back?
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I don't think that I thought she was superior at all. If I thought that way I never would've left and succumbed to her every need and gave up my career and goals for her. This has nothing to do with ego, it alll has to do with a 180 in her emotions. This is what I can't understand... No, this is what you don't WANT to understand. The reality is right there in front of you, you just choose to believe something else. You're honestly no different than these girls who post in the boards, asking for advice and what to do when a guy treated them harshly and like crap throughout their entire relationship- but oh, of course there were some great times still. That's nice, but great times aren't an excuse to try and sabotage your boyfriend's dream job.
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 There's two issues with the therapy. One, I never went before but I knew when I came back I needed help and I put a plan in progress right away to try and work past all of this for myself. Two, with that being said I wanted her to go to therapy to get help with her trust and anger issues because I did want to be with her under the right circumstances, but she doesn't think she has a problem. If she doesn't think she has a problem you're screwed. It doesn't matter what you want for her, she doesn't want it for herself. Nor does she even think she NEEDS anything different. To her credit she's right. There will always be an audience for her bull****, always. She doesn't have to change and there will always be someone fawning for her. Honestly, I would be very weary of anyone who is this nasty and doesn't believe it's a problem.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 Umm. Actually, you would give it all up for someone you feel is superior. Was that sarcasm or something? Because it played PERFECTLY in line with my initial assumption....... And your conscious isn't aware your ego was damaged. It's usually subconscious, and only appears to your conscious in the form of a constant desire to get that person back. You don't realize the true motives though. As for her switching around like that. I could name off more than a few disorders she qualifies for. But do you even want her back? No, my point is that I didn't give it all up, I left. Yes, it's only natural for one's ego to hurt after an ordeal like this but the sudden change of emotions is what really killed me. I mean it went from a bright sunny day to a freaking hurricane quick. As far as getting back with her, she needs to admit she was wrong and take some steps towards correcting her issues, i.e. going to a therapist. Otherwise, no way.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 No, this is what you don't WANT to understand. The reality is right there in front of you, you just choose to believe something else. You're honestly no different than these girls who post in the boards, asking for advice and what to do when a guy treated them harshly and like crap throughout their entire relationship- but oh, of course there were some great times still. That's nice, but great times aren't an excuse to try and sabotage your boyfriend's dream job. Except for her trust issues (which obviously is huge) our relationship for the most part was great. It's not that I'm harping on the good times, I just don't understand how someone switched their emotions so quickly on things. Why was she going through my emails and phone when everything was GREAT? It seemed like nothing was ever good enough. To reconnect with her after 8 years, travel 5000 miles to see her, put a ring on her finger and MOVE there and still have these TRUST ISSUES...it's beginning to really make me upset the more I think about it. I mean if that couldn't satisfy her, nothing ever will. But it still hurts like hell.
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 No, my point is that I didn't give it all up, I left. Yes, it's only natural for one's ego to hurt after an ordeal like this but the sudden change of emotions is what really killed me. I mean it went from a bright sunny day to a freaking hurricane quick. As far as getting back with her, she needs to admit she was wrong and take some steps towards correcting her issues, i.e. going to a therapist. Otherwise, no way. Well Hallelujah, you are getting it. She's not going to though.
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Except for her trust issues (which obviously is huge) our relationship for the most part was great. It's not that I'm harping on the good times, I just don't understand how someone switched their emotions so quickly on things. Why was she going through my emails and phone when everything was GREAT? It seemed like nothing was ever good enough. To reconnect with her after 8 years, travel 5000 miles to see her, put a ring on her finger and MOVE there and still have these TRUST ISSUES...it's beginning to really make me upset the more I think about it. I mean if that couldn't satisfy her, nothing ever will. But it still hurts like hell. Yeah she's a wench, that's the reality. A bat **** crazy one at that.
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Sorry, I don't usually resort to "name" calling, but if it makes you feel better it wasn't erroneous. She just seems to be the definition of hte word. Of course, that is just hearing YOUR side of the story. But still, she just did herself in when I found out she tried to sabotage your dream job. I just had my crazy b*tch bells going off at that point.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 Sorry, I don't usually resort to "name" calling, but if it makes you feel better it wasn't erroneous. She just seems to be the definition of hte word. Of course, that is just hearing YOUR side of the story. But still, she just did herself in when I found out she tried to sabotage your dream job. I just had my crazy b*tch bells going off at that point. If sending an email to my mother and friends saying that i'm having a tough time is something wrong, then i'm guilty. She thinks by going through these emails and seeing things she doesn't like validates her going through my **** because I was wholehearted with being with her. I never said that I wanted to be without her, I just was having a tough time adjusting, which is a reasonable problem to have when moving to a new country. To be fair, that's all I can say I did wrong...trust me it would be easier for me to understand if I did do something...
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 If sending an email to my mother and friends saying that i'm having a tough time is something wrong, then i'm guilty. She thinks by going through these emails and seeing things she doesn't like validates her going through my **** because I was wholehearted with being with her. I never said that I wanted to be without her, I just was having a tough time adjusting, which is a reasonable problem to have when moving to a new country. To be fair, that's all I can say I did wrong...trust me it would be easier for me to understand if I did do something... Well, you did write that email to your friend to "Catch" her. That was wrong, but you still maintain it was fine for you to do.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 Well, you did write that email to your friend to "Catch" her. That was wrong, but you still maintain it was fine for you to do. Well, the email needed to be sent regardless. I wouldn't say that I primarily sent it to "catch" her but it was definetly going through my mind when I sent it. Either way I needed to come back to straighten things out, that was my intention...not to EVER leave her in the dust.
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Well, the email needed to be sent regardless. I wouldn't say that I primarily sent it to "catch" her but it was definetly going through my mind when I sent it. Either way I needed to come back to straighten things out, that was my intention...not to EVER leave her in the dust. Well, as it turns out she was checking my emails for a few weeks. She knew I hadn't quit my job and read emails to my mother saying that I was "thinking" (again, keyword "thinking") about maybe coming back. However, I was still in Israel trying to fight my way through things and breakthrough that initial culture shock. I asked her how she knew my password and she said that my computer was open. So when she left for work I sent an email to my friend on purpose saying..."im coming back tomorrrow:... Taken word for word, off one of your other posts. Yes still, STILL you REFUSE to take ANY responsibility for that. Instead of just saying "You know what, I did this instead of just being direct with her, and it was wrong." You won't do that, and you're sitting here telling us all how you did nothing wrong in the relationship. If you can't even admit to this measley little thing, I can only imagine what else you might of done. Either way, it doesn't matter, this relationship is over and sealed shut anyhow. Wether you will admit to what you do wrong or could do better or not, she already has stated she will not. So it's doomed anyhow. Why are you posting in the LDR forum about your story and saying "learn from my experience" or what not?
nature Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Ok, Dusty, now I remember your story. You never 100% gave yourself to moving to Israel with her. I understand this, as something was obviously holding you back from giving up everything at home to start a new life there. it may have been your gut telling you to keep your options open because she wasn't the right woman, or it may have been your fear of moving to a foreign country. Either way, I do not think you were in a healthy situation. It sounds like it was very immature. I'm sure it hurts you. Hoping to Heal...you are fabulous. You are dead on the money when it comes to the advice you give everyone on here. I've been following what you read. You hit it bang on with every story on here. I love your "straight up" "no nonsense" attitude and view on things. No BS! It's awesome!
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Ok, Dusty, now I remember your story. You never 100% gave yourself to moving to Israel with her. I understand this, as something was obviously holding you back from giving up everything at home to start a new life there. it may have been your gut telling you to keep your options open because she wasn't the right woman, or it may have been your fear of moving to a foreign country. Either way, I do not think you were in a healthy situation. It sounds like it was very immature. I'm sure it hurts you. Hoping to Heal...you are fabulous. You are dead on the money when it comes to the advice you give everyone on here. I've been following what you read. You hit it bang on with every story on here. I love your "straight up" "no nonsense" attitude and view on things. No BS! It's awesome! LOL TY. I probably drive everyone else nuts . But thankyou!
nature Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 No way Hoping!! I love straight up talk...I hate BS, mincing words or excuses! You say it like it is, and I love it! Now, on Thomas' post that we've been writing to help him (even tho he's disappeared and we've taken over...sorry Thomas!) can you give me some straight up talk about my situation with my ex! lol
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