green apples Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I saw a cute guy. Our eyes met. I looked away. Like instinctively. Then I kicked myself (I mostly wanted to redo the whole scenes and be able to flash him a smile at least ). What's wrong with me?! Is it me or does that happen to people out there on LS too?
New Again Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 LoL nothing's wrong with you. When I was younger and a lot more shy I'd do that too. Now I instinctively smile before looking away.
Author green apples Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 LoL nothing's wrong with you. When I was younger and a lot more shy I'd do that too. Now I instinctively smile before looking away. How do you get there?
New Again Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 For me, thinking about it as being friendly, rather than showing interest or flirting was key. It's a lot easier to be friendly than it is to think "oh my gosh, he's so cute, what if he doesn't like me, what if he doesn't smile back..." etc. I paid attention to some of my friends who I perceived as popular and was jealous of their ability to talk to anyone, especially strangers. I realized that they are just very friendly people - which honestly isn't something you see very often. Think about it - when you go fill up your gas tank, or go to the grocery story, or any other public place where you see lots of people - everyone's minding their own business, not making eye contact, NO ONE comes across as friendly. By watching my more outgoing and sociable friends I realized that the simple act of appearing friendly will actually give you more opportunities to meet people. If you simply smile at someone you've made eye contact with, 99.5% of the time, they will AT LEAST smile back. Often, they will actually say something to you, even if it's just a "hey how's it goin." Some will start a short conversation with you (like if you're waiting in line or something). Once you do it a few times and get positive feedback (like a return smile) it will start to come naturally. Now I actually am the person who will make a comment in passing or start a conversation in many cases. In short, it's an attitude thing.
Author green apples Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 For me, thinking about it as being friendly, rather than showing interest or flirting was key. It's a lot easier to be friendly than it is to think "oh my gosh, he's so cute, what if he doesn't like me, what if he doesn't smile back..." etc. I paid attention to some of my friends who I perceived as popular and was jealous of their ability to talk to anyone, especially strangers. I realized that they are just very friendly people - which honestly isn't something you see very often. Think about it - when you go fill up your gas tank, or go to the grocery story, or any other public place where you see lots of people - everyone's minding their own business, not making eye contact, NO ONE comes across as friendly. By watching my more outgoing and sociable friends I realized that the simple act of appearing friendly will actually give you more opportunities to meet people. If you simply smile at someone you've made eye contact with, 99.5% of the time, they will AT LEAST smile back. Often, they will actually say something to you, even if it's just a "hey how's it goin." Some will start a short conversation with you (like if you're waiting in line or something). Once you do it a few times and get positive feedback (like a return smile) it will start to come naturally. Now I actually am the person who will make a comment in passing or start a conversation in many cases. In short, it's an attitude thing. Interesting. Friendliness. I could chat with people at the gas station or grocery store. Only if I don't think of them as attractive or if I'm not intimidated by their attractiveness. When it's someone cute, my mind goes blank. So your practice has gotten to perfection?
New Again Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Interesting. Friendliness. I could chat with people at the gas station or grocery store. Only if I don't think of them as attractive or if I'm not intimidated by their attractiveness. When it's someone cute, my mind goes blank. So your practice has gotten to perfection? If you start just being in friendly with whomever - male and female - eventually you'll feel comfortable doing it with people your find attractive. I think that we often are just afraid of rejection - even if it's a little one. Once you get positive reinforcement you'll realize that people generally really like when random strangers are friendly toward them - it's a mood boost, it's flattering...and again, not something that happens all that often. Still not perfect, but far more outgoing than I used to be - and it's really an amazing feeling to meet people like that. Like a few months ago at the SPCA I was looking at kittens and these two girls walked in - they were looking at a kitten that I had just been looking at, that kept swiping at me - so I joking said something about watch out for that one - and that chatted back, and we're actually friends now. Not bffs, but we go out together and meet up for dinner and stuff like that about once a week. That's kind of an extreme example, but it does happen.
Hkizzle Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I saw a cute guy. Our eyes met. I looked away. Like instinctively. Then I kicked myself (I mostly wanted to redo the whole scenes and be able to flash him a smile at least ). What's wrong with me?! Is it me or does that happen to people out there on LS too? Takes practice to break down shyness. Go and smile at strangers more, lol, although you might have unwanted side effects....
Author green apples Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 If you start just being in friendly with whomever - male and female - eventually you'll feel comfortable doing it with people your find attractive. I think that we often are just afraid of rejection - even if it's a little one. Once you get positive reinforcement you'll realize that people generally really like when random strangers are friendly toward them - it's a mood boost, it's flattering...and again, not something that happens all that often. Still not perfect, but far more outgoing than I used to be - and it's really an amazing feeling to meet people like that. Like a few months ago at the SPCA I was looking at kittens and these two girls walked in - they were looking at a kitten that I had just been looking at, that kept swiping at me - so I joking said something about watch out for that one - and that chatted back, and we're actually friends now. Not bffs, but we go out together and meet up for dinner and stuff like that about once a week. That's kind of an extreme example, but it does happen. The bold part is cool. Besides rejection, I think also the fear that I may be seen as hitting on someone who has an SO. The flattering part that you mentioned, sometimes I don't like that they might feel so flattered that they boast about it or turn cocky because of that. Silly, I know.
Author green apples Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 Takes practice to break down shyness. Go and smile at strangers more, lol, although you might have unwanted side effects.... I'll take up the challenge (even if it may not be). Maybe thinking of it as an experiment will help me overcome the shyness.
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