TheMighty99 Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Hi. I'm 21 and from England. I started going out with my girlfriend about 19 months ago. It was going great. We loved each other so much and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. However, lately it was going a bit sour. We didn't go out as much and we argued most of the time. We had a holiday coming up with my family. I was looking forward to it, but for some reason i knew this holiday would either make or break us. It did indeed break us. She dumped me 3 days left of the holiday. I was friggin' gutted. I cried so bad. I felt embarassed to be fair. I would just lay there crying, while she would be saying sorry. In a way, it was best for us to split up. We both wern't gettin on with each other anymore and we always argued. We decided we would be friends after the holiday, which i agreed too. When we got home from holiday, she said she didn't want to be friends anymore and wanted me to leave her alone. This was extremely upsetting. I cried so badly for days and days. I found out she had slept with someone else after the holiday. Yeah, nothing wrong with that. But for some reason it just hurt. I don't know why, but it just hurt. 4 weeks after the holiday had passed and she started to txt me. I started to txt her back. She was doing this as friends though. I don't think she was txtin me to get back together. The problem was though, i really really wanted to get back to together with her. I was completely in love with her. I plugged up the courage and told her this. She said she wanted to be friends though. I was gutted. But i kept on askin her and askin her to get back together and give it a chance. She told me to go up to her house and talk. We had a long chat and she decided she was going to give it another chance. I was so friggin' happy! The best day of my life. I finally got back together with the love of my life. She said we could go out the day after and have a drink. Of course, i agreed. So, we went out...But i just sensed something wasn't right. I got the feeling she didn't actually want to be with me. She wouldn't let me hug, kiss, hold her hand or even touch her. I was quite gutted. Then, later that night, she revealed that she thought we should be friends. I was furious though. I kept askin her why she said we could give it another chance, when she had no intention to at all. I felt used and betrayed. I think she just said that we should give it another chance just to make me happy. I felt like i was being played. I just left the pub and went home. I've never felt so upset in my entire life. 2 days have passed since the pub outing, and i've cried hours and hours each day. She has txt me saying she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't find me attractive. I realy really love this girl. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But i know i just can't. I just feel really depressed and upset. I want to forget about her. I want to move on. But since the holiday i havn't moved on at all. Yet it seems she has. She keeps txtin me saying she is sorry. I do believe her. And she keeps sayin she would like to be friends and keep in touch. I've told her i don't want to be friends though. How will i ever move on if i'm keeping in contact with her? Maybe it's a bad thing telling her i won't be friends. I dunno. I don't know what to do. I want her but can't. Advice plz (Probably load of spelling mistakes, but i have to rush to work).
silic0ntoad Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Hey bro- I know the feeling. My first serious reltionship happened the same type of way- she cheated, I dumped her, we got back together and it just didn't work out. Thus why every time now I end up dumping or being dumped, NC is strict. I don't care who you are- you have to batter down my door to get me back once you let me loose. The first thing I would do is get the reigns of power back. Tell her you don't want to be friends, and it is selfish and unfair of her to assume you would be willing. After you send her that text, let it rest. Don't contact her or reply. If she REALLY wants to be with you, you will know, trust me. Even with you ignoring her. Second, this worked for me and helped immensely. Find something new- that is yours and yours alone. For me, it was starting to get the tattoos I wanted. It was fresh, and part of me I didn't chare with her. Keep your chin up man- you have to bear the cross but only for a while. You'll be ok. Just cut her out completely. Focus on what you want and know you deserve better.
Author TheMighty99 Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 Thanks man for the reply. She doesn't have any feelings for me now at all. She's already slept with someone else about a week after we had come back from holiday. There's nothing wrong with this of course, since we wern't together. But for some reason it hurts really bad. I just doubt she will ever want to get back together. In fact, i know she doesn't. Guess i just have to move on, right? It's hard though since she was my first love and i've never felt like this for anyone before Edit - I've just received 2 txt messages from her askin if i'm ok and that she is really sorry and that i can still txt her if i want to. Personally i think it's a bad idea to carry on txtin her, right? I do believe her that she is genuinally sorry though. Man, i'm in a right mess.
Excellent Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Of course it hurts when she goes and sleeps with someone else that soon after the break. It just adds to the pain when knowing you are that easy to replace, right? And yes, don't answer to her texts. Disappear from her life completely. You don't owe her being her friend. If she was unselfish she would understand that you can't see her as just a friend. She wanted out, so she's out. Stick to the no contact-rule, and start that healing.
Author TheMighty99 Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 Yeah, you got it spot on about how easy i was to replace with her sleeping with someone else. She keeps txtin me askin if i'm ok. I told her to just leave me alone. Jeez, love hurts don't it!? lol
Excellent Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Good. You have told her to leave you alone. If the texts still keep coming, don't answer. Ignore her texts, calls, block her of facebook etc. if you have it. Just vanish. If you keep answering her, it will only you hurt you more. And this thing could drag on for months. She moves happily on with her life, while you keep pining over her, because you keep letting her have her piece of the cake whenever she wants. I, like many others in here have been in the friend-on-the-ex's-terms-zone. It ain't pretty, trust me.
frustrated&sad Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Hey Mighty99, I'm so sorry for your hurt. I agree with the previous posts that her sleeping with someone else shows her complete lack of regard for you. It was mean, and she obviously is trying to strike at you. The texts, whether she is sincere about them or not, are most likely being sent because she feels guilty. When people know they have done something wrong, usually don't want to feel like bad people about it afterwards. Her texting you is a way to try to make herself feel better. In other words, she wants to feel less guilt. If you contact her or say it's OK, she'll feel better about herself. What this means? She doesn't give a load about you. If she did, she wouldn't have hurt you this way. Plus, you two were together 19 months. Sleeping with someone so soon after you broke up is not a good sign. It's as if she wanted you to find out to hurt you more. A big f-you. I'm a lady, and I would NEVER do something like that after breaking up with any guy I'd been with for so long. I highly reccommend no contact. I promise that it will make your life (a) easier, (b) better), and © less complicated. Plus, you will one day be able to move on. So good for you to tell her to stop contacting you! Good luck to you!
frustrated&sad Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I, like many others in here have been in the friend-on-the-ex's-terms-zone. It ain't pretty, trust me. This is very true. It makes your life SO MUCH WORSE.
Author TheMighty99 Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 I know i need to forget about her and move on, but i don't think i can do it. I love her with all my heart. I do actually want to be with her, but she doesn't want to be with me. I must admit though, out of all the hurt i'm feeling right now, when i found out she slept with somneone else a couple of days after we came back from holiday, really got me upset.
Excellent Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Nobody is telling you to forget about her, but staying in contact won't get you anywhere. It will in fact, push her further away. You have to accept that it is over, and that you have to move on. How you spend your time the next weeks/months will determinate if you'll be able to handle all this. Staying at home sulking, isolating yourself won't do you any good. Go socialize, hit the gym, whatever. Just keep yourself occupied. But, stay way from her. She dumped you, she is the one who has to tell you that she ****ed up and wants you back if it comes to that. There is no reason to reply to her unless she tells you these exact words. And even then, i would tread very slow and carefull. But now, you treat this thing like it's over for good. Work on yourself, not her.
frustrated&sad Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Nobody is telling you to forget about her, but staying in contact won't get you anywhere. It will in fact, push her further away. You have to accept that it is over, and that you have to move on. How you spend your time the next weeks/months will determinate if you'll be able to handle all this. Staying at home sulking, isolating yourself won't do you any good. Go socialize, hit the gym, whatever. Just keep yourself occupied. But, stay way from her. She dumped you, she is the one who has to tell you that she ****ed up and wants you back if it comes to that. There is no reason to reply to her unless she tells you these exact words. And even then, i would tread very slow and carefull. But now, you treat this thing like it's over for good. Work on yourself, not her. I agree with Excellent. Plus, it is only natural that you still care for her. You can do it! I believe in you!
lorilynne Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Is she texting you of her own accord or in response to a desperate text from you begging her back? Let's assume she's doing it on her own...then she's a sadistic little b*tch not willing to let you move on and insists on staying in your life to prevent your ability to get past this. Who needs their ex that dumped them to send them unsolicited text telling you she doesn't find you attractive? Now let's look at option B. In this option, you are flooding her with desperate text messages begging her to reconsider and take you back. Let me put together a little scene for you on how this looks on her side....She at lunch, swimming, shooting pool, playing miniature golf (insert your own fun event) with her new guy. She gets your text and after a careful display of rolling her eyes and laughing about it with her new beau or even just her girlfriends, she sends you a "let's just be friends response". When that doesn't work & you continue to contact her, she has lost sight of what she found attractive about you in the first place and feels you are not getting the point so she gets more aggressive and states she does not love or find you attractive. Either way, she is now trying to be clear that she does not want to be with you. Friendship won't work. You need to go NC. You don't want to be friends with someone you are still in love with who will be moving on & living their life while you watch from the sidelines. Start NC & watch your own life blossom. Find someone who tells you they are attracted to you & someone you don't have to beg to be with you. It's what you deserve!
GrayClouds Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Thanks man for the reply. Edit - I've just received 2 txt messages from her askin if i'm ok and that she is really sorry and that i can still txt her if i want to. Personally i think it's a bad idea to carry on txtin her, right? I do believe her that she is genuinally sorry though. Man, i'm in a right mess. She trying to relieve her guilt, dont give her the pleasure, let her live with it.
Author TheMighty99 Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 Thanks for the support guys. I really have got the urge to txt her. No idea what saying, i've just got the urge to :/ But i know that won't make the slightest bit of difference. So i choose not to. I now know the saying very well...'Love hurts' I actually feel alot better from you guys giving me advice. It kind of helps, so thanks. What happens if i try my hardest to forget about her and after a couple of months i still feel the same way about her?
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