2sure Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 With Lorenzo's tale...I went from being hurt for him, to being suspicious of him, to loathing him, then right back to empathy. It was emotionally exhausting and entertaining.
jasminetea Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Gosh! That was entertaining! And yes, I think it takes the cake for this topic
SidLyon Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Gosh! That was entertaining! And yes, I think it takes the cake for this topic Is that the same cake that so many MM/MW like to eat?
Pissed1 Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 The craziest thing my H did after his D Day was get buff and started a series of binge drinking and multiple affairs. I let myself get sucked into a 2 week fling with an old friend because I was a bored housewife, I felt horrible, I stopped it and confessed. My H promised me that we would be ok, he meanwhile transformed into a whole new person and had a series of flings and affairs that I ignored because I knew it was my payback until I couldn't ignore it anymore. It's been 6 months since my own D Day and I'm still reeling and have now crossed over into this permanently pissed off stage. So what's the craziest thing I've done, let him in deeper than ever before. After 14 years, I realized I had a wall the whole time, now that he's in, I feel pissed and I think part of me thinks he doesn't deserve this reward. He purposely went searching Craigslist and yahoo for women and continued the lies and deception for almost a year. Maybe I deserved revenge but I can't help feeling like his dose of revenge has a sting to it that just about kills me. We're supposed to renew our vows next week for our 15th anniversary, WTF am I doing. Ask me in an hour and I'd probably say I love him, I can't breathe without him. How long does this roller coaster last and can I please get off?
Author Spark1111 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 The craziest thing my H did after his D Day was get buff and started a series of binge drinking and multiple affairs. I let myself get sucked into a 2 week fling with an old friend because I was a bored housewife, I felt horrible, I stopped it and confessed. My H promised me that we would be ok, he meanwhile transformed into a whole new person and had a series of flings and affairs that I ignored because I knew it was my payback until I couldn't ignore it anymore. It's been 6 months since my own D Day and I'm still reeling and have now crossed over into this permanently pissed off stage. So what's the craziest thing I've done, let him in deeper than ever before. After 14 years, I realized I had a wall the whole time, now that he's in, I feel pissed and I think part of me thinks he doesn't deserve this reward. He purposely went searching Craigslist and yahoo for women and continued the lies and deception for almost a year. Maybe I deserved revenge but I can't help feeling like his dose of revenge has a sting to it that just about kills me. We're supposed to renew our vows next week for our 15th anniversary, WTF am I doing. Ask me in an hour and I'd probably say I love him, I can't breathe without him. How long does this roller coaster last and can I please get off? Pissed, are you guys in counseling? Individual and marriage counseling? I mean as a FBS, I get the revenge affair though I never chose to do that because I really did not think it would help anythings after my DDay. But I understood the pain, anger and insecurity that could cause a person to do so. But a year???? Of flings, craigslist, etc. I mean how much do you have to be PUNISHED????? For a two week stint that you confessed to???? Something is very, very wrong with your picture and I would be pissed too. There is no chance of healing between the two of you with this type of behavior your husband now exhibits. It is flagrant, angry and punishing of you to the core. Pissed? No, I would be gone.
Author Spark1111 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 Is that the same cake that so many MM/MW like to eat? Love it!:laugh::laugh:
SueBee3490 Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I didn't do anything really crazy. The craziest thing I did was to go get into his emails/chatrooms that he used to go to as him. I found his username, figured out his password, and voila I was in. A few women would of course see that he's online and ask how he's been, blah, blah. Well I would question different ones with "Do I know you?" type questions. One woman said "We slept together 2 nights - was I that bad?" I replied (acting as him of course), "Sorry, but I was drunk so much of the time and I used to pick up and sleep with alot of women I met online - so where did I meet you?" This one particular woman actually acted offended that he wouldn't remember her - as though she was special. Still acting as him I told her that was the stupidest, lowlife thing I could have done - to cheat on my gf with women who would never match up to her. Because of it, I lost the one thing that was good in my life. I poured out my guts (or his guts!) and talked about what a loser I was for cheating, how sorry I was and how great she was. haha I hoped that some of them would think next time before getting involved with someone who is already in a relationship/marriage. I highly doubt it but I felt good giving myself compliments.
silktricks Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 I didn't do anything really crazy. The craziest thing I did was to go get into his emails/chatrooms that he used to go to as him. I found his username, figured out his password, and voila I was in. A few women would of course see that he's online and ask how he's been, blah, blah. Well I would question different ones with "Do I know you?" type questions. One woman said "We slept together 2 nights - was I that bad?" I replied (acting as him of course), "Sorry, but I was drunk so much of the time and I used to pick up and sleep with alot of women I met online - so where did I meet you?" This one particular woman actually acted offended that he wouldn't remember her - as though she was special. Still acting as him I told her that was the stupidest, lowlife thing I could have done - to cheat on my gf with women who would never match up to her. Because of it, I lost the one thing that was good in my life. I poured out my guts (or his guts!) and talked about what a loser I was for cheating, how sorry I was and how great she was. haha I hoped that some of them would think next time before getting involved with someone who is already in a relationship/marriage. I highly doubt it but I felt good giving myself compliments. Oh God ==== I LOVE IT!!!
Pissed1 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 wow Suebee - I wish I had thought of that!!! It would've felt great. I work in tech support so I restored everything he deleted and recovered some of his most recent conversations but I was so pissed that I had to confront him, of course he deleted the account the next day, and lucky for him, he had lost his job so his company cell phone that he had been using was turned in the day I confronted him too. Crap, my only regret is exploding right then instead of having a little fun and also building more evidence, I did make a screen name that was his screen name plus the word "wifey" and the one I have had the biggest issue with actually added me, she's never actually talked to me though. I haven't deleted the screen name, I saved copies of the conversations I was able to recover and haven't gotten rid of those either. Part of me says burn it all, the other part feels like that is just not a good idea, YET. I've even thought about making a fake screen name similar to his old one and adding them, they'll think its him, but then what good would that do... it would just help me hold on to the horrible feelings I'm supposed to be shedding in order to work on this. Part of me even felt bad for "them" at first, all except one.. the one I just can't seem to get over because she knew he was married, he even told her several times that things were going well between us and she used the "we could be friends" lure. UGH, I think I'll stop there. That's where the story just pisses me off. I realize sooner or later, I should prob share the whole story, it's just LONG and painful though. (Sorry, I guess I'm a rambler.)
PhoenixRise Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I made a 12 month calendar featuring the explicit pictures OW sent my H complete with excerpts from their overheated emails. I found out where she worked and got individual business addresses for everyone who works in her office and prepared to send them all a copy of the calendar. I also found out the address of her church (she had her church listed on some publically available social networking site) and addressed a calendar to her pastor's wife. I didn't send it though. I decided it was not in my strategic best interest. I still have it if I need it though.
Maggotface Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I made a 12 month calendar featuring the explicit pictures OW sent my H complete with excerpts from their overheated emails. I found out where she worked and got individual business addresses for everyone who works in her office and prepared to send them all a copy of the calendar. I also found out the address of her church (she had her church listed on some publically available social networking site) and addressed a calendar to her pastor's wife. I didn't send it though. I decided it was not in my strategic best interest. I still have it if I need it though. Did you not send it to her church or not to any of them? I hope you sent it to her employees, it's far to good of an idea not to. Sending one to her parents/boyfriend wouldnt be to bad either.
PhoenixRise Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Did you not send it to her church or not to any of them? I hope you sent it to her employees, it's far to good of an idea not to. Sending one to her parents/boyfriend wouldnt be to bad either. I didn't send the calendar to anyone. I decided it was not the strategic thing to do.
2.50 a gallon Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Like Lorenzo, I had a couple of laisons with the W of an associate OM. We shared a bedroom wall, and he could hear us, but did not know it was his W. Was especially loud the night before moving, he got frustated and pounded on the walls for me to keep it quiet. Next morning I moved my stuff, in the afternoon, I came back his W served him with D papers and a RO, the cops made him stand down the street while her friends put her stuff in my truck.
SueBee3490 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I really wanted to do something to make him hurt the way I was hurting - but I began to think maybe he didn't have a heart so he wouldn't feel the pain of whatever I could think of doing to him emotionally. I also thought about taking a hammer to his brand new truck but then thought more of my kids than that. I wasn't as scared of going to jail by destroying his property as much as I felt I really didn't know him. It crossed my mind that if I destroyed his new truck, he may do something to my kids. Not that he ever displayed any violent actions towards them, but then again he didn't display any cheating tendencies either! I really felt like I was living with a stranger. Because after all, if he could cheat for over 2 years and have no conscience, what is he capable of? I had sleepless nights wondering who was this guy? It really kind of freaked me out to be living with him. As I said, he was a stranger. He was oblivious to the pain he wa causing me so what else would he do? Basically that's why I didn't do anything to his property, family, etc., he would probably flip out. I just drug his name through the mud with all the women he had affairs with.
Author Spark1111 Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 I made a 12 month calendar featuring the explicit pictures OW sent my H complete with excerpts from their overheated emails. I found out where she worked and got individual business addresses for everyone who works in her office and prepared to send them all a copy of the calendar. I also found out the address of her church (she had her church listed on some publically available social networking site) and addressed a calendar to her pastor's wife. I didn't send it though. I decided it was not in my strategic best interest. I still have it if I need it though. Brilliant Phoenix, simply brilliant! So many of my crazy reactions were simply an attempt to empower me when I felt so powerless! I too entertained the revenge factor, but my more evolved instincts talked me out of them --THANK GOD! The OW was still bitterly embroiled in several lawsuits with her xH, an attorney, and I knew where he lived. Would all my evidence be of use to him? Hmmmm.... At the end of the day it was not about being the better person who was choosing to take the high road, (even though that scenario appeals to my ego ) . In honest retrospection, it was a protective maternal blink, just like you had. I thought: Even though I want to burn the house down and spray paint "cheater!" on his car, this is and will always be the father of my children, and I will do nothing to jeopardize their relationship with him. If he marries this woman, SHE will be a part of my children's life and I hope she treats them with kindness. I need to focus on being the best "me" I can be to have a healthy and happy future for myself. Jeez, isn't it hard to always have to be the grown up???? PS: NEVER throw out that calendar!!! Let it serve to remind you how you empowered yourself at a time of incredibly painful adversity! Hats off to you.
PhoenixRise Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Brilliant Phoenix, simply brilliant! So many of my crazy reactions were simply an attempt to empower me when I felt so powerless! I too entertained the revenge factor, but my more evolved instincts talked me out of them --THANK GOD! The OW was still bitterly embroiled in several lawsuits with her xH, an attorney, and I knew where he lived. Would all my evidence be of use to him? Hmmmm.... At the end of the day it was not about being the better person who was choosing to take the high road, (even though that scenario appeals to my ego ) . In honest retrospection, it was a protective maternal blink, just like you had. I thought: Even though I want to burn the house down and spray paint "cheater!" on his car, this is and will always be the father of my children, and I will do nothing to jeopardize their relationship with him. If he marries this woman, SHE will be a part of my children's life and I hope she treats them with kindness. I need to focus on being the best "me" I can be to have a healthy and happy future for myself. Jeez, isn't it hard to always have to be the grown up???? It absolutely SUCKS to have to always be the one to think through your actions and examine all the possible consequences when all around you, it seems like others are doing whatever the hell they want. PS: NEVER throw out that calendar!!! Let it serve to remind you how you empowered yourself at a time of incredibly painful adversity! Hats off to you. Yep. I did this very early after dday and I am still glad I didn't go through with it. In part it was a maternal blink. If she was going to be in my child's life I didn't want to make that situation more difficult than it had to be. It also had to do with not wanting to make her a victim. If she was feeling guilt (I don't know for sure that she was). If my husband was feeling guilt. I wanted them both to roast in it without any ability to point to ANYTHING I did to harm either of them. AND yes. I will hold on to the calendar, for now anyway.
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