Spark1111 Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 What is the craziest thing you did following DDAY? I...dyed my hair platinum blonde, shopped for lacy thongs and sexy nightgowns and high heels, and moved to a real flea-bag hotel for three days so HE COULD MOVE OUT. I felt sooo ugly and alone. Since I was sleeping alone, at least I wanted to LOOK good doing so. Crazy! I..stopped eating, taking his phone calls, and starting researching email accounts, bank statements, and text messages in a totally obsessive way. As a former investigative journalist, my passion grew to full blown lunacy, but I discovered everything within 3 days. I followed his car to her place and took photos on my camera phone. I wanted to smash into his car with mine, but was talked out of it. Thank God! I found out he was flirting online with an old high school girlfriend, in addition to his OW. I pasted the text of the email and sent it to his family and mine with a really...ahem...angry forward. I started walking, walking, walking like a maniac because I could not stand being in my own skin. Jeez....2 years later, am I GLAD I'M BACK. , but was talked out of it. Thank God!
Owl Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Wow...very similar to what I did too...except for the platinum hair and thongs of course! LOL!!! I lost about 25lbs in two weeks because I couldn't eat and could barely sleep. I started walking...like 10+ miles/day, for the same reasons you mention...couldn't stand being in the house with her all the time when she was pining for him. She couldn't stand me being there either, so it worked out.
silktricks Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 The craziest???? LOL - I bought her a present for him to give her as a "parting gift". I felt that sorry for her! God, do I wish I could take THAT back! However, I also did the constant walking, throwing up, losing weight, etc... that grief diet works wonders doesn't it? Oh yeah, and did I mention not sleeping? I don't think I slept more than 2 hours a night for about 6 months.
bentnotbroken Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Not a thing. I sat back and waited for them to hange themselves by remaining in contact. When that was confirmed he was served with divorce papers that had been drawn up before d-day, when he still had a chance to come clean.
tami-chan Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I didn't eat, didn't drink,didn't sleep, didn't talk, either....next thing I know..I was in a hospital with IVs....I was too busy thinking about what I needed to do to protect my baby....<sigh>
Sanafa Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 The craziest???? LOL - I bought her a present for him to give her as a "parting gift". I felt that sorry for her! God, do I wish I could take THAT back! However, I also did the constant walking, throwing up, losing weight, etc... that grief diet works wonders doesn't it? Oh yeah, and did I mention not sleeping? I don't think I slept more than 2 hours a night for about 6 months. You gave her a parting gift? I am even guessing it was a decent one...that must be a first This is one area I bet most can relate to...... DDay is really a weight buster, for everyone! Lost 18 pounds the first two weeks and 25 to date. I don't know if I did anything crazy.....angry ranting I am sure made me appear to be Cybil during our first two days of NC, I sure in the hell felt like cybil
Author Spark1111 Posted August 8, 2009 Author Posted August 8, 2009 Wow...very similar to what I did too...except for the platinum hair and thongs of course! LOL!!! I lost about 25lbs in two weeks because I couldn't eat and could barely sleep. I started walking...like 10+ miles/day, for the same reasons you mention...couldn't stand being in the house with her all the time when she was pining for him. She couldn't stand me being there either, so it worked out. LOL! Owl, never underestimate the power of shopping for new clothes! Or is this gender-based?
Author Spark1111 Posted August 8, 2009 Author Posted August 8, 2009 The craziest???? LOL - I bought her a present for him to give her as a "parting gift". I felt that sorry for her! God, do I wish I could take THAT back! However, I also did the constant walking, throwing up, losing weight, etc... that grief diet works wonders doesn't it? Oh yeah, and did I mention not sleeping? I don't think I slept more than 2 hours a night for about 6 months. Wow! What was the gift??? Just curious...
Author Spark1111 Posted August 8, 2009 Author Posted August 8, 2009 Not a thing. I sat back and waited for them to hange themselves by remaining in contact. When that was confirmed he was served with divorce papers that had been drawn up before d-day, when he still had a chance to come clean. bent, I've always admired your decisive action! When you're done, you're done!
Author Spark1111 Posted August 8, 2009 Author Posted August 8, 2009 I didn't eat, didn't drink,didn't sleep, didn't talk, either....next thing I know..I was in a hospital with IVs....I was too busy thinking about what I needed to do to protect my baby....<sigh> Hope that baby was A-okay! So sorry you rode that rollercoaster pregnant. I can't even imagine.
Author Spark1111 Posted August 8, 2009 Author Posted August 8, 2009 You gave her a parting gift? I am even guessing it was a decent one...that must be a first This is one area I bet most can relate to...... DDay is really a weight buster, for everyone! Lost 18 pounds the first two weeks and 25 to date. I don't know if I did anything crazy.....angry ranting I am sure made me appear to be Cybil during our first two days of NC, I sure in the hell felt like cybil Sanafa, as the OW, who could you/did you have to confide your pain to?
Sanafa Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Sanafa, as the OW, who could you/did you have to confide your pain to? Initially, him and I provided our own support ( we continue to talk through the first two weeks) and his best friend. He knew us both and I was still very much needing someone who could relate to us. He was one of the very few who spent time with us, so he was the immediate crutch. After, a very good friend who knew of us but had never met him, NC to me had to mean letting go of his side as well, and even though his friend I think was a little hurt that I had to, I just couldn't see speaking with him without " Hey I talked to her or Yeah, I seen him" That is always the way .... You never just lose one when any kind of relationship ends, others are automatically thrown into the mix. Doesn't effect you right away, but it does suck when you see the extension and the others you will have to say goodbye too.
JayJ Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 The craziest thing you can do following DDay is to get married again.
Impudent Oyster Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I told him to go and be happy with the skank, she could have him, then I looked online for a vacation house on the ocean, rented it, packed up the car and the kids and told H not to call and that I didn't know when I'd be back, if ever, but probably before school started......he called me every hour until I shut my phone off. He threatened to come after me but he didn't know where I was. It freaked him right out. I highly recommend it, BTW.
Snowflower Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I told him to go and be happy with the skank, she could have him, then I looked online for a vacation house on the ocean, rented it, packed up the car and the kids and told H not to call and that I didn't know when I'd be back, if ever, but probably before school started......he called me every hour until I shut my phone off. He threatened to come after me but he didn't know where I was. It freaked him right out. I highly recommend it, BTW. Great story...sounds like something I would have/should have done! Too bad it was the middle of winter and the closest beach was 2,000 miles away. What happened? Did he find out where you were? I'm curious!
Impudent Oyster Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Great story...sounds like something I would have/should have done! Too bad it was the middle of winter and the closest beach was 2,000 miles away. What happened? Did he find out where you were? I'm curious! He kept calling and calling, begging me to forgive him, to come back, biggest mistake of his life, yadda, yadda, so I came back after 2 weeks when I thought I could talk to him calmly without strangling him. He was very distraught and I didn't want to divorce, I loved him, I just wanted him to know what his life was going to be like without me. Honestly I thought he was going to lose it.
Snowflower Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 He kept calling and calling, begging me to forgive him, to come back, biggest mistake of his life, yadda, yadda, so I came back after 2 weeks when I thought I could talk to him calmly without strangling him. He was very distraught and I didn't want to divorce, I loved him, I just wanted him to know what his life was going to be like without me. Honestly I thought he was going to lose it. Okay, sounds similar to my situation and how my husband reacted. I hope you had a nice time at the beach! I never really did anything crazy after I found out...I think I was too shell-shocked and emotionally spent. I did my 'craziest' thing right BEFORE I found out. My husband had been acting so weird, so mean, that I had had enough and impulsively bought a plane ticket and escaped nearly clear across the country to stay with my BFF. I found out the truth there...when my H called me and confessed his A.
Impudent Oyster Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Okay, sounds similar to my situation and how my husband reacted. I hope you had a nice time at the beach! I never really did anything crazy after I found out...I think I was too shell-shocked and emotionally spent. I did my 'craziest' thing right BEFORE I found out. My husband had been acting so weird, so mean, that I had had enough and impulsively bought a plane ticket and escaped nearly clear across the country to stay with my BFF. I found out the truth there...when my H called me and confessed his A. Doncha love the way they start picking fights and looking for an excuse to hate you and make you hate them? Good for you, you were having none of that. I was pretty impulsive too, I did not have a good time but I still say it was brilliant. Scared him silly. I also couldn't stand the sight of him for awhile. When I got home I started in on all the investigative crap...turned into a regular detective but I just had to know everything, how often they talked, when they called. I got their cell records (amazing what you can get for a $100 bucks), it's like you have to piece everything together in your mind to fill in all the blanks. Not knowing for me, was the worse part. It still is.
Snowflower Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Not knowing for me, was the worse part. It still is. I DID know something was seriously wrong. I knew my marriage was in trouble for about 4 months before d-day. I just didn't know it was an affair. I think that made it easier for ME to deal with his affair, at least in part because I had known something was wrong. My situation was so not one of those where the BS is completely blindsided when d-day comes. My husband had been acting weird for months, but yet he was always with me so I didn't suspect anything. But, he kept saying he wanted a divorce, that we were over, etc. It was almost unbearable to me. I remember being at my BFF's just a day or so before d-day and saying that it would almost be a relief for me if he would actually confess to having an affair. At least things would make sense to me then...you don't just end an 18 year marriage without a reason, especially when your spouse (me) was trying everything to save it...MC, date nights, etc. When he confessed though, I was shocked beyond belief.
bentnotbroken Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 bent, I've always admired your decisive action! When you're done, you're done! Thank you, I try. Don't always succeed, but I try.
tami-chan Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 Hope that baby was A-okay! So sorry you rode that rollercoaster pregnant. I can't even imagine. thanks...but she had already been born.
Author Spark1111 Posted August 9, 2009 Author Posted August 9, 2009 Doncha love the way they start picking fights and looking for an excuse to hate you and make you hate them? Good for you, you were having none of that. I was pretty impulsive too, I did not have a good time but I still say it was brilliant. Scared him silly. I also couldn't stand the sight of him for awhile. When I got home I started in on all the investigative crap...turned into a regular detective but I just had to know everything, how often they talked, when they called. I got their cell records (amazing what you can get for a $100 bucks), it's like you have to piece everything together in your mind to fill in all the blanks. Not knowing for me, was the worse part. It still is. Same here IO. Impulsive, out of the house, out with friends. Drove him crazy. He called a few times begging, and my rage was so great, I told him, "stop calling me and pretending we are friends!" He suddenly wanted to know what I was doing, who I was with, where I was going. I knew immediately he had called her or she had called him because his entire demeanor changed from crumbling sad to arrogant, critical and blaming....similiar to how he had acted prior to DDay, before I knew she was the reason for the change. Not knowing remained the hardest part for me. It was almost two years of filling in the blanks!
silktricks Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Wow! What was the gift??? Just curious... a really beautiful set of crystal candlesticks.
bentnotbroken Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I thought this was funny. She had him followed. She gave him a 50th birthday party. She had a dvd with slides of his life. You know him in grade school, the military, blah blah blah, then the pics of him with ow. She had about 15-20 pics. Can you say deadly silence. Family, friends, ow & her H all together and speechless. I wish I had her for thought. PI several hundred dollars, party another few hundred dollars, the smack down from hell....priceless:D
Author Spark1111 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 a really beautiful set of crystal candlesticks. ...how thoughtful! (hahahaha) and how crazy, right? I can so relate.
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