Cthere Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Bare with me as not all of my thoughts may come out right or all at once. I've been married for the last 6 years to someone I dated on and off for 11 years before. I was never sure that getting married to her was the right thing to do, yet I could not say no to her. And that has been a problem since the start. Anyway we were married for 2 months when she became pregnant and I started to feel trapped. But I also wanted to see if it would pass and it did briefly until the verbal abuse began. I was treated really poorly and made to feel guilty about things that i didn't do or wouldn't buy for her. This grew into a resentment and absolute dislike for her. Thoughts of getting a divorce were always on my mind, but I felt obligated to her and my kids regardless of my own happiness. This essentially continued for 4 years until I met an old girlfriend on-line and began chatting with her. That led to an emotional affair and me finally telling my wife that I had had enough of the verbal abuse. I don't think I would have said anything about the abuse had I not been having the affair. She found out about the affair and we went to couple counciling for nearly a year. Things smoothed out, and things were some what normal. The verbal abuse stopped and I became better at communicating. Yet I had this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I should not be letting things continue because I no longer feel truly happy in the marriage. It's been nearly two years since we started working on our marriage and I feel no better off now than I did when we started. When do you know it's time? I know ending the marriage will be awful for her. She still loves me, but I don't love her, at least not like I should love my wife. And at times I'm not attracted to her at all. I am the sole provider for my family, and I know if I leave I wouldn't be leaving them in the lurch. I'd still be paying for everything now, so that wouldn't change. I'm at the point of not know when is done done. I know I would be happier if I were no longer married, yet the sense of obligation to stay in my marriage is strong despite my unhappiness.
Lizzie60 Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 This is hard.. Can't she get a job outside the home.. maybe that would help HER.
tami-chan Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 hehe...cute puppy, Lizzie... Anyway, Cthere....stop prolonging the agony, you did what you could. Time to rip off the bandage. Yes, it would hurt, but, it could also be the beginning of a happier, more fulfilling life for you and your wife-albeit separately. It won't be smooth, but life is about taking calculated risks (forgive the cliche)...make the move!
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