Katherineos123 Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 So. I dont know if any of you remember my story but here goes: Ive been dating my semi LD boyfriend (about 2 - 3 hours away) going on ten months now. At the beginning of the relationship he had told me he was planning on getting his own place up to my area by the summer...... summer got extended to September... then September got extended to January (due to a career move) Well tonight we were talking and he asked me if we could just move in together come January........................ Im not gonna lie. Im a little nervous to do this. We have never even lived in the same zip code, let alone same apartment.... Ive been previously burned badly by the only man I ever lived with, so Im hestitant that that nightmare might happen again.... I love him very much, and I cant wait for him to be my full time boyfriend But I kinda feel like we may be skipping a step in doing so. Do you think ist a good idea to ever go right from a long distance relationship to cohabitating? Or could this be too much too soon?
aerogurl87 Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I was wondering the same thing since my boyfriend and I are supposed to be getting an apartment together by next June. We'd be going from a long distance relationship and straight on into living together. I'd like to know everyone's opinions on such a move too. But in my opinion as long as your both comfortable with it, go for it. There are no "rules" when it comes to love since it's unique to every couple and their situation.
4givrnt4gtr Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Well, i know a lot of people who get married right after a LDR.... However, I also know that a lot of them have difficulties adjusting to going from once in a while to all the time bf or husband. Actually I currently know a couple who were together for 5 years LDR, got married, have a child and are having serious problems because their romantic ideas they created through those five years encounter the reality of day to day life with each other. For instance, when he would go visit her, it was all about her, he had all the time for her and it was wonderful (as is the case in most LDR). Yet, what she didnt realize is that he was a workaholic, and now that they are married, she hardly ever sees him. I think if they had moved close by to each other she would have seen that side of him and would have been able to realize she couldnt deal with that. In any case, I personally think that whether is a cohabitation situation or a marriage, it is hard as heck to maintain (50% of divorces proves it) and you want to make sure that when you make that decision you know that person as well as you can. I think LDR helps couples see a very important side of each other, like how pacient, how committed they are, but I also know that giving yourself that "dating" time is important to know who this person is on a day to day basis before making any committments. In my opinion when it comes to relationships taking it as slow as possible makes the chances that you are with the right person to go up and therefore making it so that it lasts a lifetime all that more probable...so whats the rush??
Island Girl Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Hello Katherineos123!! There are couples out there who did not even know each other before their wedding day and have been married for decades. Then there are people who have been living together for years and years but get married and within a couple years are getting divorced. My husband and I have spoken about the adjustment of when he does come back and we are together full time again. We laugh at the possible "battles" to come. The bottom line is we are committed to staying together. No matter what. We will have to have compromises and sacrifices made on both sides. That is a given. But we are both aware of it and will do what we have to do. I think you should face your fears and get to the bottom of them. Are you unsure of him? Yourself? Does the commitment scare you? Perhaps the loss of independence? What are you really afraid of?
Author Katherineos123 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 I wish I knew exactly what my fears were!! I suppose the commitment/lose of independence does scare me a little... because, like I said I already lived with a boyfriend for a few years prior to this relationship... and it ended very badly... which is OBVIOUSLY something I dont want to happen again... But I think my REAL fear is that Im afraid that HE will back out. He has had some bouts of commitment phobic behavior throughout our relationship... and Im really scared that Im going to get really excited about the move and starting a life WITH him... and that he's going to back out. And that I will be left here. alone. And if that happens... again. I dont think He'll EVER move.... In which case, I honestly dont know how much longer I can do this distance thing.... Maybe Im worrying about nothing... Maybe Im getting ahead of myself... But this is whats holding me back from being on cloud 9 imagining starting a life with him... the notion that this could all go sour.
Bayern Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 So. I dont know if any of you remember my story but here goes: Ive been dating my semi LD boyfriend (about 2 - 3 hours away) going on ten months now. At the beginning of the relationship he had told me he was planning on getting his own place up to my area by the summer...... summer got extended to September... then September got extended to January (due to a career move) Well tonight we were talking and he asked me if we could just move in together come January........................ Im not gonna lie. Im a little nervous to do this. We have never even lived in the same zip code, let alone same apartment.... Ive been previously burned badly by the only man I ever lived with, so Im hestitant that that nightmare might happen again.... I love him very much, and I cant wait for him to be my full time boyfriend But I kinda feel like we may be skipping a step in doing so. Do you think ist a good idea to ever go right from a long distance relationship to cohabitating? Or could this be too much too soon? No, I don't. You need to lay ground rules though. It would be a great show of trust and generocity on your part, which I think you should make (well I don't know the relationship, but you seem to think he's a really great guy). Just take the appropriate steps to make sure you aren't getting taken advantage of. If you live together have him pay rent, or groceries etc.
Island Girl Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I wish I knew exactly what my fears were!! I suppose the commitment/lose of independence does scare me a little... because, like I said I already lived with a boyfriend for a few years prior to this relationship... and it ended very badly... which is OBVIOUSLY something I dont want to happen again... But I think my REAL fear is that Im afraid that HE will back out. He has had some bouts of commitment phobic behavior throughout our relationship... and Im really scared that Im going to get really excited about the move and starting a life WITH him... and that he's going to back out. And that I will be left here. alone. And if that happens... again. I dont think He'll EVER move.... In which case, I honestly dont know how much longer I can do this distance thing.... Maybe Im worrying about nothing... Maybe Im getting ahead of myself... But this is whats holding me back from being on cloud 9 imagining starting a life with him... the notion that this could all go sour. These things are what you should talk to him about. I'd wait and talk to him on a visit - and not the very first thing but after you both are settled in - and not right before you leave. There is the chance that he is thinking the same thing OR perhaps he feels completely different than he has in the past and that is driving his want to move in together. It should really help you if you know you are both on the same page as far as the amount of commitment that this represents. And if you talk about the possibilities of the issues that can come up when you merge two lives together ahead of time with a resolution plan - that should help too. My husband and I lived together before we went long distance. He wasn't the first man I lived with BUT he was the first one where it went just swimmingly well. When it is right it just is right. And when it isn't - well, it is better to know sooner than later.
Author Katherineos123 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 Ill be seeing him this weekend, so I definitely want to talk to him about it... He's never lived with a girlfriend before, so Im sure he's feeling just as nervous about taking this step as I am. But the more I think about it, the more excited I get about starting a real life with him! I just hope Im not in a catch 22 where talking about my fear of him bailing on me makes him afraid and he bails on me! God, Im such a worrier...
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