broken_promises Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 So, during the last two months of our relationship, ex joined Facebook and reconnected with a crush from high school. Basically, this girl has many of the exact same qualities that I have. So, I am struggling because even though I haven't looked at her FB page in a month, I still know about her from the end of the relationship and I CAN'T STOP COMPARING MYSELF TO HER because we are so similar. How do I stop doing that? FB makes it SO hard because I know that her fave shows are my fave shows, we are both Scorpios, she is a dancer and I used to be, she is thin with an eating disorder like I used to be, etc. So, I can't even read my own horoscope without applying it to her too. Or watch The Office or So You Think You Can Dance because I wonder if she is watching it or talking to my ex about it too. And of course thinking about how much he must LOVE that she is thin (I gained a lot of weight in the relationship) just about kills me. No matter how well I am doing moving on, things always creep in and I just think about how she is just this fantastic and better version of me and he must be so much happier with her. It makes me want to just give up. When does this kind of jealousy/comparison thing go away?!?
Thornton Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 You need to focus on the individual good things that make you, you, instead of focusing on all the things that are the same about you. You also need to work on not caring what he's doing or what he thinks. Oh, and being thin with an eating disorder is not something that you, or he, or she should be proud of. If anything you should be proud of yourself for having gained some weight and beaten your illness.
moo Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Maybe you should feel sorry for her. I read your posts. Your ex sounds like a fool. Now it is her problem. I'm jealous of my ex's gf, but I also feel sorry for her. My ex ruins almost everything he touches.
Author broken_promises Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 Yeah, the wondering/caring what the ex is doing is something I am really working on trying to stop. It is so difficult sometimes, though! Good point on focusing on the things that make me "me" as well. And I only wish I had beaten my eating disorder but unfortunately, that is not the case. And yes, I have also felt sorry for the next girl he is going to be with. But then I imagine that he is going to love her so much and won't do all of his commitment phobic stuff with her and he'll be so happy and marry her. Ugh. I know it is just my imagination carrying me away, but still... it is difficult. (Both of my exes before this one did end up marrying their next long-term relationship, so I'm particularly sensitive to the feeling that people "practice" with me and then move onto the real person they want to be with.) Anyway - thanks for the replies. It helps.
greenparrot Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I know the feeling broken_promises, I hate the just the name of that person. And cant help but feeling what the hell. My ex told me I was better than him in every aspect, so it makes me think what in the world he has that I dont
Wings Of Love Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I know just how you feel. My ex has been with his latest girlfriend for around three months now. She's the third one since he left me six months ago. For a long time after we broke up he would constantly insult her and tell me he hated her because of something she once did to hurt him. And now all I ever hear is how perfect she is, how wonderful, how spectacular, how amazing their relationship is. All his accounts on social network sites and his instant messenger are plastered with disgustingly sweet messages of love for her. It makes me sick, she gets all this after just three months and I rarely got that in the 15 months we spent together. It's as if he's trying to convince himself that he really does love her. And yet he's always saying she can never replace me, that I was the most amazing girlfriend he's ever had. ¬_¬ But I can't help but wonder, why is she better than me? The only thing this girl and I have in common is our dark hair and how short we both are. I've always been quiet, more of a stay at home girl who likes small gatherings of friends instead of huge, wild parties, whereas those parties are more her preference. I've only had one serious relationship (not for lack of offers, but because I didn't feel attracted to these men) whereas she seems to flit from guy to guy. My ex has always hated girls like that...and now he's madly in love with one. I guess you could say you can't help who you fall for, but something doesn't ring true. Anyway, just try what I do. Make yourself look as beautiful as possible, even if you're not going anywhere or doing anything. It really makes you feel good. Tell yourself it's his loss, that if he really chooses someone else over you then he's not worth your time. And if you ever need to get something off your chest, write it down (it really does help) or come on here because that's what these forums are for.
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 So, during the last two months of our relationship, ex joined Facebook and reconnected with a crush from high school. Basically, this girl has many of the exact same qualities that I have. So, I am struggling because even though I haven't looked at her FB page in a month, I still know about her from the end of the relationship and I CAN'T STOP COMPARING MYSELF TO HER because we are so similar. How do I stop doing that? FB makes it SO hard because I know that her fave shows are my fave shows, we are both Scorpios, she is a dancer and I used to be, she is thin with an eating disorder like I used to be, etc. So, I can't even read my own horoscope without applying it to her too. Or watch The Office or So You Think You Can Dance because I wonder if she is watching it or talking to my ex about it too. And of course thinking about how much he must LOVE that she is thin (I gained a lot of weight in the relationship) just about kills me. No matter how well I am doing moving on, things always creep in and I just think about how she is just this fantastic and better version of me and he must be so much happier with her. It makes me want to just give up. When does this kind of jealousy/comparison thing go away?!? It makes you just want to give up? Well you should. It's a past relationship. Why are you trying to go back there? The door is closed.
Author broken_promises Posted August 8, 2009 Author Posted August 8, 2009 By "give up" I mean give up on life. Give up on trying to do the things I like because when I do, I think "oh, she's doing them too." I'm not trying to get back to this relationship. I can see why it might have sounded like that is what I was saying though. And yes, I am doing all the "right" things... working out, getting back into doing what I love... but the incessant thoughts about her/him are still there. I guess that is what frustrates me... when you are doing everything you can to move on, but your brain just won't let you. Ugh. Thanks for the replies, all.
ScarLettIsle Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I have a song for u ...by madonna (hardcandy lp) "she's not me"!!! That outta perk u up and put some bounce back in ur walk
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