Update on Possibe Reconciliation?

[jqb05443]

For those of you who don't know my story quick recap. Ex and i were together for 3.5 years. He broke up with me in April and I have pretty much cried everyday since. We hung out a few times here and there after break up until I gave him a letter pouring my heart out and telling him how I have changed and begging for a second chance. He basically told me that we needed to move on and he wished me luck. After we broke up I had a hard time with NC and never gave him time to miss me. Well after he told me that we needed to move on, I asked him if we could remain friends to which he ignored my text. Feeling like you have to fight for those that you love I invited him to see a Broadway show with me via text after he ignored my can we be friends text a few days later and to my surprise he said he would go.

 

A month went by with NC until a week before the show which was in the middle of July. When we finally saw eachother a month had went by with NC except for a text from me a week prior to show reminding him about it and checking to see if he was still up to go which he said he was def going. So we went to the show and had dinner afterwards and we really had a great time. After dinner we went back to his place and got ices and a movie and he ended up inviting me to go with him Atlantic City to see a Bronx Tale and to spend a few days there. We were going Sunday-Tues and i was so shocked that he asked as that is the longest amount of time we would be spending together since the break up. The trip was this past weekend. He actually called me the Friday prior to the trip and asked me to come over Saturday if I was free. So we actually spent Sat-Tues together.

 

We went to AC this past Sunday and stayed till Tuesday. We had a great time. No relationship talk but we acted like we were a couple. When we got back on Tuesday afternoon he asked me to stay at his house and have dinner with him that evening. We really had a great time again no relationship talk but we were def. acting like we were a couple again. I decided to just let things play out as I have been told that reconciliations should be handled with care and no pressure from the dumpee which is me. When I poured my heard out 3 months ago he backed off so I figured let me try a different approach. After I left on Tuesday I didn't hear from him yesterday but he did call me today at work and invited me to come to his place this weekend and go to his newphew's first bday party with him this Saturday. His family and friends will be there so it will be weird but again I was sooo excited to hear from him. And the fact that he is bringing me around his family and friends again should be a good sign right?

 

I don't want to get my hopes up but I am hoping that this can be the start of us getting back together. Even if its a slow process. I have cried everyday since our break up. Heck I cried Wednesday when I didn't hear from him. But I am trying to be optimistic and be the girl that he fell in love with in the beginning. Please let me know what you guys think? Thanks

[Thornton]

I think you are getting your hopes up way too high. He dumped you and told you to move on, then ignored your request to remain friends, but then he agreed to go to a show with you... who knows what his motivation was, maybe he genuinely wanted to stay friends? I doubt if he was thinking about getting back together, since he proceeded to ignore you for another month.

 

I would be very wary about assuming that he might be interested in a reconciliation... perhaps he just feels that enough time has gone by to be friends again without dragging up all the relationship stuff? You say you were acting like a couple again, but what do you really mean by that? Do you mean kissing and holding hands? That's how I'd define "acting like a couple". Or do you really mean that you were just acting like friends again and there was nothing physical between you?

 

I'm worried that you're setting yourself up for a fall here by getting your hopes up about a reconciliation. I'm not saying there's no hope, but what he's doing could be interpreted as wanting to be friends again OR wanting to get back together. I guess you can only take it as it comes, but try not to get your hopes up... it's possible that he just wants to be friends and he might run a mile as soon as you mention any relationship type stuff.

[jqb05443]

I know anything is possible. I don't know what his motive is. That's why I don't want to get my hopes up. When I say we were acting like a couple, yes there was hand holding, kissing, affection, flirting. Him calling me what he used to call me when were in a relationship (pumpkin). When we were in AC he was playing poker for 4 hours and he didn't want me to leave his side. I like poker myself so its not like i was bored watching. He kept making sure that I was happy and okay. He was even going to pay for a spa package for me but there was no availability.

 

You know the saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder? Well during the first two months I didn't give him that time. That's why I think that one month we went NC completely gave us time to miss eachother and for him to see what its like without me. (at least that's what i want to believe).

 

When I left his house he kissed me, walked me to my car. He was being really nice and sweet. Again no relationship talk was discussed. I just don't think the right time has come yet as we have just started hanging out again and talking since the one month we went NC and didn't see each other. I know I am being cautious.

[Thornton]

If he had come back to you I'd be more likely to believe he wanted a reconciliation - but you're the one who invited him to a show, so I'm less sure about his motives. What worries me is that he obviously knows if he wanted to reconcile you'd be willing, so why hasn't he asked to get back together already? If he does want you back, all he has to do is ask, but he's kissing you and holding hands etc with no suggestion of any reconciliation as yet. He's pretty much having his cake and eating it - he's seeing you and acting like a couple, but he's still officially free and single.

 

Did he give you a reason as to why he broke up with you in the first place? Do you think it's something that might have been resolved during the time you were apart?

[jqb05443]

Yes I was the one that invited him to the Broadway show. But he was the one that invited me to Atlantic City and he called me today to invite me over this weekend again and to go with him to his nephews 1st bday party. So after my first invite he has initiated the AC trip and this weekend at his place and to go with him to his newphews Bday party.

 

We broke up because of alot of issues that he had with me. I didn't communicate with him. Whenever we fought I never wanted to discuss it where he did, so nothing was ever solved. I did alot of childish things (i am 30) like hanging up the phone on him when i was mad instead of talking to him. He is a very social person and I am very shy. He always would invite me to go out with his friends and I never wanted to go. That was a BIG problem. I never would tell him to not go. I would tell him he could go I just didn't want to go...but he would never go because he didn't want to go without me. Which caused alot of issues because he started to lose his relationships with his friends. I basically acted like a Bi*CH to him. And on top of that I was pressuring him to get married. He just felt like there was no way things could progress between us unless I fixed my issues. So maybe he is testing me now to see if I have changed the things he hated about me? I don't know. Again anything is possible.

 

When I had given him the letter asking for another chance he said at that time that he was still hanging out with me and talking to me because he wanted to see if things had changed. He didn't think I could change in 3 weeks after break up which was when I gave him letter and begged him to come back. I know it wasn't all me but that was the main reasons why he broke it off. I was basically very immature acting and told him if he didn't propose by the end of the year I was leaving him. It wasn't someone else or anything like that.

 

I guess the only thing I can do is just tread carefully and when I feel the time is right, I can ask him. I was going to give it at least till the end of the month before I start asking questions if he doesn't say anything by then.

[jqb05443]

By the way Thornton thank you for your input, I appreciate it.

[Girlygirl1977]

A lot of his behavior suggests he is interested in a reconciliation but you have to wait for it to play out. He is spending quite a bit of time with you without sex but affection, so this still seems to be more positive in my view.

 

I think you will know in a little bit of time and I would personally not bring it up if you are the dumpee. I do think if he is bringing you to a family function, they will ask questions and this may lead to you speaking about what is going on.

 

In my opinion - he seems to be testing the waters. . .

[Leveller]

I would broadly agree with Girlygirl but whatever you do take it slowly and moment by moment. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Please be careful.

[jqb05443]

Ok so I went to the ex's this weekend and once again had another good weekend with him. I went to his nephew's 1st bday party. I helped his mom set up for the party. When people were arriving his mother was introducing me as her son's girlfriend lol. I just went along with it. His mother then invited me to her niece's babyshower in Sept. After the party he and I went to meet up with his friends at a bar. We had a good time at the bar with his friends. One of my complaints about my ex was that he never would compliment me and tell me that I looked nice. Well his best friend kept telling me how good I looked all night in front of my ex so that made me feel good.

 

His best friend then pulled me aside and told me that my ex screwed up. His friend was telling me how I am such a great girl. How I stood by his side through alot and that he tells my ex all the time that he really screwed up. I started laughing and I was telling him keep talking to him and reminding him and he said he will. Later that night my ex's best friend invited me and my ex over to his place the following night for dinner with him and his gf. We went last night and had a great time. His gf made dinner for us and we played taboo for 3 hours. The whole time his best friend kept making comments to my ex that the only reason his gf made dinner was because i was there and the only reason my ex was there was because of me. He kept making digs at my ex and it made me feel good to see that his own friends were on my side. We even made plans to go back to Atlantic City next week for a few days with his best friend and his girlfriend.

 

After we left his best friends place we went back to his place and talked for a bit. I live 45 mins away so when I go there I stay the whole weekend. I went to get the rest of my clothes and he walked me to my car, kissed me on the lips and told me to call him when I got home. Again there was no relationship talk but things are going good. We shall see what happens. We made plans to go to Atlantic City again next week. He bought my brother in law a Giants jersey which was nice. I will keep you guys posted. Let me know what you guys think?

[boogieboy]

Let him take the lead, dont worry about relationship talk. If youre in it for the long haul, he doesnt need pressure, and you can wait. It seems like youre both starting from almost scratch. And he wants to act like a NEW couple, where you dont talk about relationships so soon. So ride it out, and enjoy your time with him. Dont worry about when the relationship talk will come. You got a second chance, dont blow it by pushing him.