Why is this so difficult?

[runnergrly]

Hi. I feel kinda stupid posting this, but feel as if I need to get some help on this break up. I was with the same man for five years. We were engaged for about four. Two years into our relationship we were supposed to buy a house together. At the last minute, he took me out of the contract and decided to buy the house without me. He told me that he "wanted to make the relationship better until we moved forward." So, I sat with that for a while and started to become angry. It hurt, I felt betrayed and abandoned. I eventually decided that I did not want to loose him so I moved into the house that he bought. Well, that lasted for about a year, but our relationship grew distant. I found out that he started seeing a "good friend" that he met in one of his school classes. Let me let you know I am 28 and he is 35. So, he started seeing her, but she would not leave her boyfriend. Then he started sleeping with another girl but called me all the time.

 

Three months later he asked me for my forgiveness and we tried for yet another 8 months. Now, he tells me to f-off and leave him alone. He acts as though I was/am nothing to him. This kills me inside. I often think that I would be better off dead. You know, I am a smart, fit, and beautiful woman, but to me none of that matters. I just want to me truly loved by him.

[moo]

Better off dead? Because of a selfish, unworthy, bombaclot? Come on now. Don't think that way. You've got to pull yourself together. This man is sly and selfish. I know it hurts. You probably feel silly for putting up with so much nonsense for so long and thinking....THIS IS WHAT I GOT FOR HANGING IN THERE FOR SO LONG?

 

Sorry hun, it's gonna hurt. I have bad days too. I know what it's like to be in that deep hole of depression.

 

Perhaps a therapist can help you through this very tough time. A therapist helped me through my break-up and it made a huge difference. I still have set backs, but I'm slowly finding me way.