Dmoney28 Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 just wanted to post a question. Is it normal not wanting to let memories of ex fade?...even though they are fading away natrually. Its been 11 months after the break up, 3 months NC...4 year relationship. Im not hurting anymore. She has a boyfriend now...and strangly im not as hurt as i thought i would be. Sometimes i miss her...other times i feel like i dont. Sometimes she seems so familiar...other times she seems like a stranger. But i have thought of her everyday at least 3 times. As time goes by i am afraid to let the memoreis ago...i even look at old pics, so i dont forget. Its like i force my self not to forget...even though its way easier to move on now. I guess this i a sign i am moving on...and i do feel better. Is this normal? Link to post Share on other sites
huck Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Hi DM. Its all part of the healing process... . As you start to heal you can look back on the good times and appreciate them for just that - they were good times and you had a laugh and a blast. Its also a good sign if you can imagine your ex with a new man and not get upset.. If you can handle looking at the pics without getting upset - then go for it.. If someone has been a part of your life for so long its natural to think about them every so often... Sooo in short - i think its definetly normal.. All the best bud. Huck Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 i am afraid to let the memoreis ago ... i even look at old pics ... i force my self not to forget... Is this normal? I think it would depend on your reasons -- do you know what are the mental-emotional benefits of forcing yourself to look at old pics and keep old memories fresh/alive? What would you be forced to look at, think about or feel, instead? What are you afraid will happen if you DO just let all the memories go? Like huck says, it doesn't sound as if any of it is 'traumatizing' you...so the healing part appears to be done, or 99.9% done. At which point, it is kind of ...unusual behaviour, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dmoney28 Posted August 6, 2009 Author Share Posted August 6, 2009 the break up was traumatizing...believe me, i was the worse thing ever. it really had a big impact on both us, and changed both of our personalities. I guess im afraid of loosing that very speacial feeling we had for each other in the begining. Honestly it was the happiest i have been with anyone. Its was that speacial feeling for one another that comes from deep down inside. I guess that why i look at the pics...so i wont forget the way i felt about her. Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Well... If anything, this break up will teach you to not base your happiness on someone else. Because honestly, the only thing you can trust, is yourself, your dog, and your boots. Otherwise, people do as people do, and they do for them, reguardless. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Sorry. Do you mean that you're afraid of losing your capacity to feel that way at all; your ability to experience that feeling for/with someone else? I do understand how break-ups can result in that sense of having been changed at a fundamental level, and how it can affect both parties that way...regardless of who initiated the split. I'm just not clear, I guess -- is your attachment to your feeling, or to her? (If that makes sense?) Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 It's like that saying in swingers, you lived with the pain for so long it feels weird to not anymore I still think of my ex but I don't get sad or angry etc anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dmoney28 Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 i guess im afraid of loosing the memory...not her so much..kinda wierd huh. Its like i dont want to forget all the times we shared. And emperor your right...in a sick way i miss the pain, because its been with me for so long. Link to post Share on other sites
Sbrizio Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 I think is normal. I have the same concerns too...like i would forget how i was, how it was good, the moments of happiness. I think we are scared to lose the memories because we think they are the only trace of happiness remaining in our minds. Not trying to give you lectures, cause i'm feeling this very exact pain now, but i find helpful to remember one thing: - it was YOU who was so good to create a good memory. The person who have been able to create those good times, has not died, nor has gone, it's always YOU. You're lost now (as i am) but you'll discover, suddenly one day, that you're able again to create new good memories and have good time. On this, i can swear, cause it happened to me to have the very same fears in the past, and to be surprised the day i was able to dismiss the old memories for new and exciting moments LIVE If helps, you're not at all alone in this dark place... Stay strong! BTW - you might want to stop keeping at a hand whichever evidence of your past with her (pics, etc). I put everything in safe places, to be opened in a far future. You might not feel so, but any moment you spend looking at the pictures, (or wathever) is a step back in your healing path. Even if you don't feel hurt. Has to be a rational decision though, sometime to be taken against your deep will... Link to post Share on other sites
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