pr-girl Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 So, there's this guy I've been friends with for about 10 months. He's asked me out a few times, but I was never ready before... until now. We've gone out on 4 dates in the last 2 weeks and everything seems to be going great. It's still very new. He texts or calls every day when he awakes and goes to bed. I don't ask him to - he just does. I know I'm on his mind. We are 2 very independent people and don't have much time, but we said we'd make time for each other. He has to work tonight, so he had asked if I'd like to have lunch today while we were on our date Monday night. I agreed. Well, this morning around 10am, he texted me that he's "teeing off" on the golf course (which is about 45 minutes away.) When he texted me, I texted back, "Hmmm... interesting... Forget to renegotiate?" He texted back, "Renegotiate?" This tells me he forgot our date. Since I play golf, I'm aware it can take up to 5 hours. Should I be worried? Is this just an innocent goof-up?
New Again Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 So when he texted "renegotiate?" did you call him out on the missed lunch date? Hard to say if it was innocent or whatever without knowing his reaction to the fact that he forgot. Or "forgot". Whichever it was.
Author pr-girl Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 So when he texted "renegotiate?" did you call him out on the missed lunch date? I just texted back, "Ha! I guess so." He hasn't responded. I'm sure he remembered after thinking about it. When I speak with him next I'll bring it up. He's on the golf course now, so I won't interrupt him.
New Again Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Well either way (sorry to say) it seems like a bad sign. Obviously it's bad if he intentionally blew you off...but it's also bad if he really did forget. When you're still in the early dating stages he should be doing his very best to impress you and show interest. I would definitely let him know it's not cool to blow you off like that and try to gauge his reaction.
Trialbyfire Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Who knows if this is a one-off or not, although it's not very flattering to either get shunted for a golf game or completely forgotten. Why not see what his excuse will be, now that he's probably realized his faux pas? IMO, patterns of behaviour are things to worry about, not one-offs. People screw up from time to time.
Author pr-girl Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 Who knows if this is a one-off or not, although it's not very flattering to either get shunted for a golf game or completely forgotten. Why not see what his excuse will be, now that he's probably realized his faux pas? IMO, patterns of behaviour are things to worry about, not one-offs. People screw up from time to time. I agree with you completely. I'll hear him out, but I also don't have time for games. I think he may be upset with me from last night. I was visiting him at work and one of his co-workers was there as well (but, off work). Since the colleague and I weren't working like he was, we were visiting. I guess the guy I'm seeing got jealous because when the co-worker and I left, I asked him for a hug. he did hug me, but it was different than usual. When the colleague tried to shake his hand, he didn't shake it. Then, after I left, I texted him, "It was great seeing you. I had a good time. As always." He texted me back, "Blah, blah, blah. Me too." I replied, "???" with no answer. Then, I texted, "What is with the blah, blah, blah?" and didn't receive an answer. I get to work today and receive a text from him, "Good morning, Sunshine!" I replied, "Good morning. What happened to you last night?" He texted me, "Phone died." Then, he tells me he's playing golf. I think he's playing a game. I think he got jealous last night and is playing golf today to upset me. If that IS the case, I'm not going to continue seeing him. He's 35 years old. Seriously.
New Again Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I agree with you completely. I'll hear him out, but I also don't have time for games. I think he may be upset with me from last night. I was visiting him at work and one of his co-workers was there as well (but, off work). Since the colleague and I weren't working like he was, we were visiting. I guess the guy I'm seeing got jealous because when the co-worker and I left, I asked him for a hug. he did hug me, but it was different than usual. When the colleague tried to shake his hand, he didn't shake it. Then, after I left, I texted him, "It was great seeing you. I had a good time. As always." He texted me back, "Blah, blah, blah. Me too." I replied, "???" with no answer. Then, I texted, "What is with the blah, blah, blah?" and didn't receive an answer. I get to work today and receive a text from him, "Good morning, Sunshine!" I replied, "Good morning. What happened to you last night?" He texted me, "Phone died." Then, he tells me he's playing golf. I think he's playing a game. I think he got jealous last night and is playing golf today to upset me. If that IS the case, I'm not going to continue seeing him. He's 35 years old. Seriously. That information kinda changes things. Sounds like you've got a handle on it though.
Author pr-girl Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 That information kinda changes things. Sounds like you've got a handle on it though. You think? Seriously? A divorced 35-year-old man with 2 teenaged kids? Is it possible he could he be so childish? Ha. I can't believe I just asked that. The co-worker is someone I would never hook up with (but am friends with) and I've told the guy I'm seeing this. He should believe me. I didn't do anything inappropriate and I showed him attention throughout the night. Why is dating so... annoying at times?
Trialbyfire Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Hmmm...that doesn't sound good, although I will point one thing out. If you noticed he texted you the next morning with a happy text of "Good morning Sunshine", in an effort to be positive. When the response was a little critical, he shut down. Let's see what he's got to say about the "forgetting". If he accepts full responsibility, then you can react accordingly but in a positive and encouraging manner. Hurt pride, feelings and vulnerability, can be a difficult dance, at the beginning of a relationship. If he finds a stupid excuse to shunt blame, RUN AWAY!!
Author pr-girl Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 If you noticed he texted you the next morning with a happy text of "Good morning Sunshine", in an effort to be positive. When the response was a little critical, he shut down. If he finds a stupid excuse to shunt blame, RUN AWAY!! You know, I considered that too - the positive text. But, he needs to know I didn't appreciate the ignoring. I know his phone didn't die. He needs to know how I want to be treated upfront. I think I was justified in asking. I never told him that I thought he lied. And I won't. My feelings have already changed for him. This is what sucks. Since it's so early on, I put up with less. I know myself. Although I think he's a great man, I can't help it when I begin pulling back because of let-downs. It's not that I put high expectations on anyone. I just like to be treated with respect. If we set a date, show up.
New Again Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 You know, I considered that too - the positive text. But, he needs to know I didn't appreciate the ignoring. I know his phone didn't die. He needs to know how I want to be treated upfront. I think I was justified in asking. I never told him that I thought he lied. And I won't. My feelings have already changed for him. This is what sucks. Since it's so early on, I put up with less. I know myself. Although I think he's a great man, I can't help it when I begin pulling back because of let-downs. It's not that I put high expectations on anyone. I just like to be treated with respect. If we set a date, show up. I'm with ya - and if you know now what's unacceptable - the childish behavior/response to jealousy (and at his age!), blowing you off (sounds like punishment) - good for you for not putting up with it. If he's doing it now, he probably won't change later.
Trialbyfire Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 You know, I considered that too - the positive text. But, he needs to know I didn't appreciate the ignoring. I know his phone didn't die. He needs to know how I want to be treated upfront. I think I was justified in asking. I never told him that I thought he lied. And I won't. My feelings have already changed for him. This is what sucks. Since it's so early on, I put up with less. I know myself. Although I think he's a great man, I can't help it when I begin pulling back because of let-downs. It's not that I put high expectations on anyone. I just like to be treated with respect. If we set a date, show up.I don't disagree with you. Just pointing out what I could see in what you've posted. Text messages can also be the devil, since they're usually short and can be construed in so many ways. Having a phone convo is an easier medium, to discuss issues and misunderstandings.
Author pr-girl Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 Text messages can also be the devil, since they're usually short and can be construed in so many ways. Having a phone convo is an easier medium, to discuss issues and misunderstandings. I agree. He probably won't text or call me until after his game. I'll be in meetings throughout the remainder of the day. We'll see what comes of it. But as the day goes on... I get less and less interested.
Art_Critic Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I think you are both done... You're friends so he doesn't want to come off like a complete dick head but he is obviously pissed about the work thing.. misunderstanding or not he chose to screw with you and blow you off on purpose to to get back at you and piss you off... No matter how you look at this it isn't good.. If this is his way of dealing with misunderstandings or conflicts then you might as well write him off now.
Author pr-girl Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 I think you are both done... You're friends so he doesn't want to come off like a complete dick head but he is obviously pissed about the work thing.. misunderstanding or not he chose to screw with you and blow you off on purpose to to get back at you and piss you off... . Why would he text me a positive text this morning then? I'm so confused. Why can't people just be upfront? I'm easy to talk to. If he has an issue, he should tell me. I would. And I do. So I will.
carhill Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 If his actions seem predictable and your reactions feel the same (predictable) like you've walked this path many times before, perhaps try a different path. Part of me wonders if you follow this path because it's predictable and 'safe'. Would you really be interested in a man who showed strong interest and was consistent? A man who prioritized his interest in having a relationship....is that what you really want. Then, ask yourself if that's what you're really attracted to. Tough question. Remember the guy from LA? Any patterns here? His responsibility is his passive-aggressive behavior when dealing with his emotions. He got jealous of your interaction with his co-worker and is dealing with it childishly. I personally enjoy a woman who is outgoing and friendly and appropriately affectionate with people. That sends me strong signals that she is an open and caring person. Very attractive. What do you think?
Chicago_Guy Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I agree with you completely. I'll hear him out, but I also don't have time for games. I think he may be upset with me from last night. I was visiting him at work and one of his co-workers was there as well (but, off work). Since the colleague and I weren't working like he was, we were visiting. I guess the guy I'm seeing got jealous because when the co-worker and I left, I asked him for a hug. he did hug me, but it was different than usual. When the colleague tried to shake his hand, he didn't shake it. Then, after I left, I texted him, "It was great seeing you. I had a good time. As always." He texted me back, "Blah, blah, blah. Me too." I replied, "???" with no answer. Then, I texted, "What is with the blah, blah, blah?" and didn't receive an answer. I get to work today and receive a text from him, "Good morning, Sunshine!" I replied, "Good morning. What happened to you last night?" He texted me, "Phone died." Then, he tells me he's playing golf. I think he's playing a game. I think he got jealous last night and is playing golf today to upset me. If that IS the case, I'm not going to continue seeing him. He's 35 years old. Seriously. He sounds immature. Also, why is he texting/calling you every day when you've only been going out for two weeks? That's seems a little odd.
Trialbyfire Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 He sounds immature. Also, why is he texting/calling you every day when you've only been going out for two weeks? That's seems a little odd.Actually, many men are like this, with daily contact, since they're not worried about game aka pretending to be disinterested or too concerned about cool.
Author pr-girl Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 If his actions seem predictable and your reactions feel the same (predictable) like you've walked this path many times before, perhaps try a different path. Part of me wonders if you follow this path because it's predictable and 'safe'. Would you really be interested in a man who showed strong interest and was consistent? A man who prioritized his interest in having a relationship....is that what you really want. Then, ask yourself if that's what you're really attracted to. Tough question. Remember the guy from LA? Any patterns here? His responsibility is his passive-aggressive behavior when dealing with his emotions. He got jealous of your interaction with his co-worker and is dealing with it childishly. I personally enjoy a woman who is outgoing and friendly and appropriately affectionate with people. That sends me strong signals that she is an open and caring person. Very attractive. What do you think? Funny you bring that up. This guy (I'lll call him K) is typically not my type. That is why I never went out with him before. But, there are so many positives, I thought I'd give him a chance. I do like him - I just never went for his type before. He's so into me that it made me nervous. But, I haven't been nervous about it lately. I've gotten to know him better and really enjoy my time with him. He says he understands my outgoing nature and he realizes I'm friendly with everyone - even those I don't like. He's the same exact way. He has to be in his career as well. The thing is - we are friends and have been for almost a year. I'm myself around him. He knows how I am. So, I don't understand why I'm expected to change all of a sudden. And for what?
Author pr-girl Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 Actually, many men are like this, with daily contact, since they're not worried about game aka pretending to be disinterested or too concerned about cool. This is true. We've been friends, so it's actually fine.
Author pr-girl Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 OK. So, I just got a text and I responded: K: How's your day going there, lil miss? Me: Very good. I just interviewed a potential asst and may hire her. How was the golf game? K: Good. Awesome day to go to Primm and play. Me: Good to hear. I'm happy it went well. I have to ask, though... Did you forget our lunch plans today? K: Oh, snap! Yes, I did. I am so sorry. Whatever will it take to make it up to you? Hmmm... what to respond, what to respond... I'm not sure he's being honest or just plain airheaded. Your thoughts?
Trialbyfire Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 "There's a romantic little Italian restaurant, I've always wanted to try. If you take me there tonight, we can discuss forgiveness. ;)"
Chicago_Guy Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Actually, many men are like this, with daily contact, since they're not worried about game aka pretending to be disinterested or too concerned about cool. I think it makes him seem very desperate, as does the fact that he was so jealous that she hugged another man.
Trialbyfire Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I think it makes him seem very desperate, as does the fact that he was so jealous that she hugged another man.Then I guess I'm engaged to a desperate man! As well, I've mostly dated desperate men.
carhill Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 The thing is - we are friends and have been for almost a year. I'm myself around him. He knows how I am. So, I don't understand why I'm expected to change all of a sudden. And for what? There's a difference between being friends and dating and including romance in one's thoughts and emotions. IMO, this guy handles his emotions poorly. K: Oh, snap! Yes, I did. I am so sorry. Whatever will it take to make it up to you? Sounds canned to me. He should have called at that point. After all, he had the phone in his hand already I think I'll serve him a BBQ chicken silence sandwich pizza To me, he's on strike two. He forgot your date and handled it casually, as if it didn't matter. He also didn't show any specific interest in what you were doing, just a general 'hey little miss (who says that to a woman, jeez), how's your day'. I think it's time for an inside slider to retire the side. Good riddance
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