I'm so SICK with myself right now...

[georgejungle]

I just found out that an Audition for a music group that

I passed on (which I feel i would have aced) would have led to

playing live on television recording with a very well known

musician and producer.

 

These are the kind of opportunities that I've passed on because

i've let FEAR control me and my responsabilities as a Dad or a

Husband lead me a different direction. The Audition would have

made me have to act FAST, that same day i found out about it.

But I was afraid to clear it with my wife and felt obligated to

stay home and help her with the baby.

 

Now I find out they're working with a group, one of my faves

in the whole damn world and I'm not going to be a part of it,

because that day, I chose to stay home and not go to the

audition, out of feeling guilty, when, i Know my wife would

have most likely been o.k. with it, but I let GUILT control me.

 

I've always done this, ever since i've been with my girl, because

i've been afraid to leave her alone to travel and play or i've

felt OBLIGATED to not take risks and work a day job to support

my gal (now wife) and our child, with meager wages.

 

I've never truly followed my true calling wholeheartedly and I've

missed out on cool opportunites and good money and being able

to do what I love for a living. I've let the possibilty of having to

be away to play every now and then, fill me with guilt, like I

should stay home with my wife and child and work a "regular"

job.

 

UGH.

 

Anyway...back to the old grind and my data entry

[quankanne]

damned regrets ... best thing you can do is make it into a learning opportunity. In this case, talk to your wife about it, about how you wouldn't mind jumping into something like this from time to time. My guess is that because she understands how you feel about music, she'll be okay with it. No, make that supportive of you pursuing something like this from time to time. Simply because you were willing to share and she's willing to make allowances. Yes, she and the baby need you, but when you love someone, you also see their needs/desires, too.

 

as for missing out ... well, I'm a firm believer something better is around the corner, even if we think we've missed out on something big.

 

hugs,

q

[georgejungle]

damned regrets ... best thing you can do is make it into a learning opportunity. In this case, talk to your wife about it, about how you wouldn't mind jumping into something like this from time to time. My guess is that because she understands how you feel about music, she'll be okay with it. No, make that supportive of you pursuing something like this from time to time. Simply because you were willing to share and she's willing to make allowances. Yes, she and the baby need you, but when you love someone, you also see their needs/desires, too.

 

as for missing out ... well, I'm a firm believer something better is around the corner, even if we think we've missed out on something big.

 

hugs,

q

 

thanks Q, much appreciated. I feel like an idiot and I'm laughing about it

now. Ahhh, such is life. I'm going to talk with my wife. She does support me.

I just feel bad for leaving a lot of the time. this news crushes my heart. AAHHH

i would have LOVED to have been a part of this. anyway

[Trialbyfire]

george, an audition doesn't guarantee the role. Don't internalize it like that. You made the decision to be a responsible father and husband, over something that might or might not have happened for you. I can respect that decision more than someone who's always running around, shucking responsibility and chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

 

This doesn't mean you can't pursue your dream. Some of the time is okay, just not all of the time. Balance.

 

So, next time, if the opportunity comes up again for another audition, since you did the responsible thing the first time, this time, you can take a little for yourself too!

[Ronni_W]

GJ,

What Q and TBF said.

And. I'm sorry for your missed opportunity. That part of it sucks, to not even have put yourself in the running to play with one of your fave groups in the whole damned world. Big hugs for that part of it.

 

Earlier today, my mom and I were talking about just this type of thing -- that we do to ourselves -- in part because of 'programming/conditioning' that following one's own heart-passion and doing good things for the Self is just plain "bad, wrong, selfish."

 

Obviously you ARE a very devoted and responsible Dad and Husband! Going to an audition...even if it is last-minute and rushed...won't change that you care, or how much you care, about your family. As far as I can tell from way over here

 

Wishing you luck and success with your music, in the future.

[georgejungle]

I appreciate the kind words. I also don't mean to come off

sounding selfish. In fact, i've been out of the game for a long

while now and music is my passion. So i finally started talking it

over with the wife weeks go about getting out there again slowly but

surely to see if I can still 'do something' with these talents of mine.

 

One of the first couple of auditions that came to my attention

was this one, Just as I was wanting to get back into it. So, for

me to have asked to reschedule my audition instead of going when

they were asking me to come because they liked my music resume,

really bums me out. I didn't have anything special pending that

night with my wife and child. I just felt guilt for leaving them on

such a short notice, when I had just had a casual quick talk about

doing things again a few days earlier with wife and she had no

objections.

 

still, that guilt and fear that she'd think I wanted this more than

family crept in and I submitted to the guilt. So I didn't go and

asked the group to reschedule for the next week. They obviously

found someone else in that week. So my loss. It was right up my

alley too, which is why it really, really bums me out. I'm a grown

man and I admit, i almost had some tears when i found out what

i've missed. True, there's no telling if i would have gotten the

gig for sure, but i do know the group really liked my resume of

what i've done and wanted to audition me ASAP. And i would

have liked to at least shown my stuff to say, I Went For It and

did the best i could! Done. anyway...

 

But I won't let this stop me. I still want to get out there. AND,

i want to have another serious talk with my wife.

[Trialbyfire]

Try to live your life with as few regrets as possible, in that once you've made a decision to proceed in a particular direction, shrug off the might-have-beens. Next time, do it differently, that's all.

 

Look forwards, don't keep looking backwards and self-flagellating.

[quankanne]

definitely talk to her, and let her know that you would like to pursue gigs from time to time. YOU will feel much better, and I'm sure she'll be pleased as all get out to be able to do something for you like this.