blueking09 Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Hey everyone okay here's my story i hope you guys can help me out someway or help with advice it would be appreciated. So i had this friend for like months now and we went to high school together for like a year because she just moved and we had one class together, but we didn't really talk at all. Until later on in the college days, she decides to add me on facebook and i seemed to remember that she was in my class. so therefore we talked occasionally nothing fancy. But months went by didn't really talk alot i've decided to ask her out and she said she would go, and so we went out for 3 times already and we have been talking on the phone a lot like at least 2 hrs almost every other night if not every night. So here is my problem i asked her if she was ready for a relationship and she said no, but that wasn't what she really said and i can tell by saying she wasn't ready for one. She also said if we want to be a in a relationship it might take her some time to be ready for one, which that confused me a lot because all of the phone calls she has been the one calling me, i haven't been calling her and the reason why i don't call her is because she says she wasn't ready for a relationship so therefore she probably isn't interested but then she seems to be the one calling me almost every other night and we would talk for like hrs, but then again. seems to me like im just that person that is always there for her to talk to, not the one she wants seems like she is using me am i right? But what im also confused is that she likes hangout with me after the 3 dates she says she just like hanging out with me and im fun and this and that, and thats what is confusing me, i don't really get her at all if she says she wants to take it slow and don't know when she will be ready. i don't want to be wasting my time and money and just wait for her to be ready. but thing is she is very awesome to hang out and talk with, but just seems like she isn't interested and just using me someway. I feel like there is a connection between us but she just says she isn't ready for a relationship and that she would need time if she wants to be in one because she wants to see if im the one for her, but it seems like a bunch of bull because she doesn't want to say she is not interested you guys know what i mean.? The more i talk to her the more i become attracted to her and one day we didn't really talk to each other for almost 3 days but then the day after we talked for 4 hrs on the phone seemed like she missed me but i don't know. So here's what im thinking i should just move on because she seems to be not interested in me and i guess just cave when she is ready or wait until she's is actually ready for a relationship?? But really i think i should just move on and get on with life. Of course i wouldn't completely ignore her but just not talking on the phone for hrs and talking so much on like facebook and stuff like that. So therefore i need your guys and gals help and advice you guys/gals are more experience i would love to hear what you guys think about this because seems like i can't just make it work so thank you so much for your help. Love hurts.
Author blueking09 Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 I forgot to add we've been talking for about a month now too so do you think im going to fast also??
Hkizzle Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 She might not want a relationship but likes the company or is lonely. Why not casually ask her without giving her the impression you're pressuring her?
The Collector Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 You had three dates and didn't try to touch her, kiss her, etc? That often, rightly or not, whether a woman says she wants to take things slow or whatever, is usually going to put you in the Friend Zone.
Author blueking09 Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 Hkizzle - I've asked her but then she just says she might take it slow, like she doesn't know when she'll be ready and for me that sounds like a bunch of b.s. just saying she isn't interested The Collector - Does hugging count? and yes of course touched her, but kissing she is not that type of person that would kiss with only 3 dates and just getting to know me. and yes i realize the friend zone. I have experienced this before and feel like i am going to be in the friend zone and have to stop before it gets too far, and just end up hurting myself.
boogieboy Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 If there was a connection she would have made a move herself. She is using you for company. If this bugs you, and your comfortable knowing she might NEVER be attracted to you and you have no chance, then you can hang with her. But if not, then cut her off. Its not worth it if shes not interested. Or make her set you up with one of her friends. Dont let her have all she wants while you get nothing.
Author blueking09 Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 boogieboy - your right but thing is, sometimes she is always looking forward to hangout but i don't want to hangout because she could just be using me and also she keeps messaging on facebook me and i feel like she might be interested but then again im confused. and yes i realize that she could just like my company but for some odd reason i feel like she is at least a little interested or is it just myself?
Author blueking09 Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 she also did complain about me not being the one calling her and she is always the one calling. and for that reason i thought to myself seems like she told me she wasn't ready for a relationship , but she is always the one calling so im a bit confused help me out..
boogieboy Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 If you went out 3 times and no kiss at the end of the night, then she might have friend zoned you. It is possible that she might really not be ready for a relationship, but in your case, I dont believe her. At the same time you shouldnt be so available to her. That wont work in your favor. She already knows that if she gets involved with you that you will fall for her immediately, you already ruined the challenge of her working on getting to your heart. Whats her incentive now? You need to find someone who really wants to get involved with you. Also if she sees that you moved on to someone else (or at least make it look like it) she will get jealous. She has to see that you are desireable, since she doesnt want you bad enough. But the real deal is she doesnt like you for you enough to do something substantial. Time for men is like sex for women. (oh boy im gonna get flamed for that one) Dont give it up without getting something for it. Dont let her rape you for your time. The more time you spend with her on her terms, the less she will respect you, if she even respects you now. That means in person and on the phone. No talking on the phone for hours. After 30 min, "i have to go". Hanging out, only 1 hour, then you have things to do.- and you keep doing this until she wises up. Thats how it is with first dates, get it? You will have to risk taking the loss on this one if she doesnt like you cutting her off. What you could try to do if you cant tear away from her, is to only see her on your time, not hers. You rarely see her, but when you do, you only agree to the time and place you want. And dont contact her, keep letting her contact you. If she beefs about it, ignore it. Change the subject.
Author blueking09 Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 boogieboy - you are great help thank you so much and also thanks for the others that haved help.
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