FreeBirdMedley Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Ok. I am so sad. I met a man 5 months ago. We immediately hit it off started talking on teh phone briefly but frequently, and proceeded to go on some dates. This man is 5 yers older than I. He has a business and seems to always be involved in some sort of side job (legal of course!). He is Muslim and does his daily prayers and faithfully attends the Mosque. He is handsome and helpful as he initially helped me with so many things. The problem is that he has completely shut down. If I don’t call him he will not call me. I know that he is very busy but I feel that I at least owed a phone call. He has never been too much of a talker..and we do have some language and culture barriers. I recently complained to him about how upset and sad it makes me when he doesn’t call and that I think his feelings for me are changing. When I told him this he acted surprised and assured me that his feeling for me did not change and that he actually felt more like he loved me than just liked me. Ok..So I was elated but guess what...he did the same things..Days went by ..No phone call, but when I call him he promptly returns the call. I complained to him again. He told me that I needed to relax and that he thinks about me everyday and prays for me. In actuality..He made me feel like I was the paranoid one who was making everything up. So I agreed that I would relax and take things as they are. Ok..So this leaves me once again in sorrow just waiting for the man that I am so fond of and attracted to..to call me. It’s been 2 days..No phone call. Is it a Muslin thing? Is he just not that into me, despite the fact that 2 days ago he said ..Verbatim " I more than like you..I love you". Should I give up on calling and wait for him? I feel like if I do that .I will be kissing the relationship good bye. BTW..I am not Muslim. Could that be it (even though he is adamant about that not being an issue and thinks that if I love him and we get serious that I can then convert to Islam. Is he just a jerk? I need answers because I am this close to calling..Just unsure if it is the right thing. Please help me. Oh And I am traveling out of the country in 3 days..if he doesn’t call me then I wont speak to him for a week.
TaraMaiden Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 It's difficult to tell, but if he is a devout Muslim (and it sounds as if he is) then he may well be hesitant to become involved with a non-Muslim, especially if you do become very attached... then yes, you will be expected to convert to Islam. And you will be expected to conform to Islamic customs regarding women. From dress, to deportment, to behaviour in company, to reading the Qu'ran, to attending the mosque and praying also, to deferring to senior women in his family.... Think carefully about what you want, and what you think you'd be willing to do in order to facilitate this relationship. My opinion personally, is that unless you are a Muslim woman, and accustomed to this tradition, it's very difficult for a converted non-Muslim to conform.... (Oh - and, if he's praying 5 times a day, is it any wonder he has little time to call you??)
Author FreeBirdMedley Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 Thanks for your response...I am seriously willing to explore Islam as I feel that this man has potential to make me happy in life. I also am really fond of his culture. I do still think that he should call more. Maybe I need to know more about the ways women in his culture and Islam are expected to be like.
utterer of lies Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Thanks for your response...I am seriously willing to explore Islam as I feel that this man has potential to make me happy in life. I also am really fond of his culture. I do still think that he should call more. Maybe I need to know more about the ways women in his culture and Islam are expected to be like. Obedient, accepting, submissive.
TaraMaiden Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Non-argumentative, accepting, non-confrontational, with no opinion and subject to obeisance to her husband and his family. Please please do your research. I cannot tell you the amount of times a western woman has converted to Islam, and married a man she loved, only to find him change overnight from a loving affectionate partner to a dominant, cruel and severe autocrat. I used to work for such a woman. She went through a tough time. Don't let what you believe to be love, cloud your reasoning. Look at his behaviour now. You think it will change when you marry? Hmmmmm........
Hkizzle Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Sounds like a typical jerk who says one thing and doesn't really care. But from a cultural perspective I've heard the type of stuff from female friends that TaraMaiden is refering to. I'm not trying to discriminate either, it's just the truth. You ready to be teleported back to the 19th century?
torranceshipman Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 One of my best friends converted to Islam and they're really happy - she isn't submissive and obedient - she is in an equal partnership. The Muslim religion is actually really respectful to women, although this is not always reflected in the cultural way that some people who follow the religion choose to live (and this is where negative connotations arise in the way that women can sometimes be treated). You get that situation in every religion and culture - the good people and the bad people. SO similarly...if he is acting like a jerk, it is because he is a jerk, NOT because he is Muslim. The two have NOTHING to do with each other. That is a very important point to acknowledge as otherwise it comes off like we are making negative generalizations about Muslims. As I've grown up around many, and many are my good friends, I want to make that point clearly!
Author FreeBirdMedley Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 can someone tell me if i should call him?
alphamale Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 can someone tell me if i should call him? depends, are you dating Osama Bin Laden? he could be in communications blackout right now
TaraMaiden Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 O.... You get that situation in every religion and culture - the good people and the bad people. You're absolutely right of course. But given that Islam is an ever-spreading religion which forbids inter-racial marriage, but demands conversion (unlike any other religion) this is still an important factor to consider. SO similarly...if he is acting like a jerk, it is because he is a jerk, NOT because he is Muslim. The two have NOTHING to do with each other. That is a very important point to acknowledge as otherwise it comes off like we are making negative generalizations about Muslims. As I've grown up around many, and many are my good friends, I want to make that point clearly! I too have many good Muslim friends. but knowing what their fathers and families are like, I sure wouldn't want to marry one. And that's what I'd be doing if I did. Marrying the families. Would you marry into a Moslem family? Freebird....? Call him? Absolutely not. Let him do the chasing and wondering. See how long he takes to realise you've not been in touch. And see what he does about it. (watch this advice fall on deaf ears. Her next post will begin...."So I called him.....")
Author FreeBirdMedley Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 I text him and told him that I miss him and I adore him. He text me back and said I love you, Honey. I am not sure what it means but I am definately smitten by this man. The sad part is that he has not called me at all fo rthe day and probbaly won't. If i do call him..he will tell me hoe much he cares and how much he loves me. I agree that he is extremely turned off by me bickering with him and always tells me that he does not want to hear it because my complaints are not how he feels. I just need insight? I heard the Muslim explanations, but do you think this is really what its about. For the record..I am willing to convert to Islam because I beleive as well that it is a loving religion. But to be honest..its just way to early in the game. What should I di to mek him feel mor ecomfortable with me or even communicate more. Should I bring Islam into our relationship? Should I study his language? Or am I just wasting my time with this handsome man. Everytime I tell myself to throw in the towel..he tells me he loves me and just wanst me to relax.
utterer of lies Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I text him and told him that I miss him and I adore him. He text me back and said I love you, Honey. I am not sure what it means but I am definately smitten by this man. The sad part is that he has not called me at all fo rthe day and probbaly won't. If i do call him..he will tell me hoe much he cares and how much he loves me. I agree that he is extremely turned off by me bickering with him and always tells me that he does not want to hear it because my complaints are not how he feels. I just need insight? I heard the Muslim explanations, but do you think this is really what its about. For the record..I am willing to convert to Islam because I beleive as well that it is a loving religion. But to be honest..its just way to early in the game. What should I di to mek him feel mor ecomfortable with me or even communicate more. Should I bring Islam into our relationship? Should I study his language? Or am I just wasting my time with this handsome man. Everytime I tell myself to throw in the towel..he tells me he loves me and just wanst me to relax. Well, you seem to have little to no self-respect, so maybe he's the perfect man for you, even if he turns out to be extremely traditional muslim that expects you to submit yourself completely.
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