Author mamie Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 AND the OM doesn't have a wife or a girlfriend. And I haven't slept in the same room with my H since I started sleeping with the OM. I'm not going to be sleeping with two people at the same time.
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 You know how crazy you F-ing sound on the reals' right now? Your obssesed with this OM, and if that's the case why dont you tell your husband the truth instead of being a coward about it! And yes your should have married the OM. You say you wont sleep with your husband while your sleeping with the OM, i'm not gonna sleep with two people at the same time? WTF? your behavior is disgusting!!!! I really hope your husband finds out and takes you to the cleaners.
Author mamie Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 YES, I do realize how crazy I sound. And yes, I am in love with the OM and I guess that is making me obsessed, too. That's why I am writing on an anonymous online forum when I should be doing work. I really don't think it's nice to say you hope my husband "takes me to the cleaners." Where I live, property is divided equally. We don't have much property anyway.
boldjack Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 OP, Your selfishness is unbelievable. You have said that you won't tell your H to relieve your guilt. Why not tell him, to at least show him a little of the respect you should have from the beginning? I hope that you are cheated on, lied to and disrespected exactly as you have done your husband
GorillaTheater Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 YES, I do realize how crazy I sound. And yes, I am in love with the OM and I guess that is making me obsessed, too. That's why I am writing on an anonymous online forum when I should be doing work. I really don't think it's nice to say you hope my husband "takes me to the cleaners." Where I live, property is divided equally. We don't have much property anyway. The divorce should be easy then. Do it. Set your husband free.
Author mamie Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 OK... I get it!! I am being selfish and I have admitted that. Really, I am not a terrible person, though I don't expect you guys to believe that. I am really just looking for the following things: 1) What can I do for this situation that would be less selfish? 2) Should I stop contact with the OM until the divorce is finalized?
GorillaTheater Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 I am really just looking for the following things: 1) What can I do for this situation that would be less selfish? Pay for all legal expenses. 2) Should I stop contact with the OM until the divorce is finalized? Normally I might say "yes", but at this point, who cares.
boldjack Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 OP, Almost every poster has told you the same thing, TELL HIM THE TRUTH!!! That would be the LEAST selfish thing that you could do. . You are going to divorce, so why not do ONE HONEST THING? Give your husband the proper respect ONE TIME. Can't you be honest, JUST ONCE? What you do with the OM is immaterial, you have already cheated with him, so you aren't being any more respectful to your H. Because you have never been respectful to him, in the first place. Tell your husband the truth, divorce him, and leave. No more drama, and no more lies.
Bobby2010 Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Should I stop contact with the OM until the divorce is finalized? I highly doubt you would anyway. And at this point it doesn't matter if you do.
Eye of Hourus Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Mamie, if your family is aware of your affair why do you think that your husband will never find out? People have a funny way of discussing what is going on within thier families and you never know who they will discuss it with. I really think you need to be honest and tell your husband. EOH
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Mamie, if your family is aware of your affair why do you think that your husband will never find out? People have a funny way of discussing what is going on within thier families and you never know who they will discuss it with. I really think you need to be honest and tell your husband. EOH *sigh. She wont through remember she want things to be amicable! what a joke.
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Mamie - You sound exactly like my stbxw. She lied, cheated, slept around, ... I found out about the A about 6 days after she gave me the ILY but INILWY & I want to live alone b*llsh*t. I confronted her and asked (no begged) her to be honest with me - and she lied. She looked like a ghost when I mentioned someone saw her out with OM making out and then going to a hotel. (looked like a ghost) It would have made EVERYTHING better for me if she just was honest. From that moment on there was not a single word that came out of her mouth that I didn't doubt the truthfulness of. Her lies have made everything much much much worse for me. I lost 32 pounds in 5 weeks, and could not sleep more than 4 hours in a night for the 1st 5 weeks. (usually 2 hrs / night) MAMIE - Believe the wonderful people here on LS - you have to sit down with H and tell him the truth - EVERYTHING - and then move on from there. Otherwise he will feel like me - that everything you ever did and said in the marriage was (or might have been) a total lie. Do you want him to think you (& the marriage) are the world's biggest fake or do you want him to move forward thinking that he married a decent girl who just now is in a bad place and chose to move in a direction away from him? You F*CK*D up girl - now you can make sure the rest of his life is pure cr*p forever or you can give him a chance to have a decent life without you! DO THE RIGHT THING - for once. Don't be a selfish cowardly cheat. (Yes, I still love my stbxw and I'm trying to get over that ...) (Going thru with D right now)
Athena Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 (edited) 1) What can I do for this situation that would be less selfish? 2) Should I stop contact with the OM until the divorce is finalized? 1) It would be less selfish of you if you allow the other partner of this marriage a say in what happens. If you tell your H what is going on, you give him his Voice back. He will be able to have a fair say in what happens. That indeed will be less selfish of you, than what you are presently doing, which is trying to maintain total control of the situation and making unilateral decisions on your own, which affect his life in a big way. 2) Probably not. You should stop contact if you are giving your marriage a chance to succeed. But if you are certain you will not work on your M, and if your husband can accept that, then go ahead and keep in touch with your OM, lest you lose him again. Edited October 11, 2009 by Athena
Phedre Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 OP - if you don't tell your husband he is always going to wonder what he did wrong, how he could have made you happy... and you know he never did anything wrong, you say that he is perfect, just not perfect for you. So since you care about him enough to want to 'protect' him by not revealing the A, you should also care about him enough to want him to find another woman who he can feel the kind of love for that you feel for the OM. Do you want him to spend years questioning himself about how he ruined your marriage? Do you want him to spend night awake, alone, wondering if he did this or that it could win you back? Do you want him to break down and cry and be miserable every time he sees pictures from your wedding day (which he will never get rid of because he still loves you)? If you do NOT want him to be miserable for years wondering 'why', then you MUST tell him about the A. Sure, he will be angry, but if that anger helps him to get over you some, isn't that okay? Don't you want to make it as easy on him as possible? You say you fear he will take his own life.. giving him a concrete reason why your marriage is done will help dramatically to reduce that possibility, where as forcing him to wonder what he did (which he will, no matter how many times you say it is 'me not you) endlessly will increase the chances of this happening - No, I'm no professional just speaking from experience and observation. OP- how many people have to tell you to confess the A before you believe us? As someone currently going through a divorce due to an affair, as much as it hurts, it would hurt SO much MORE if I thought my stbx just 'didn't love me' anymore and I would be throwing myself at him trying to win that love back. Since I know about the A, I also know that while I still love him, he isn't the person for me if he can do that. Have a REASON for the end will help your husband cope and move on SO MUCH. Please, I am literally begging you, tell him.
RegrettingtheAffair Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Have you seperated yet? My bet you will regret this decision as soon as you do. The OM will leave you cause he knows you're a cheater. He soon will not want anything to do with you. Your H deserves to know the truth. I had an affair and told my H everything, right down to the details of where we met and what we done. He said he needed it. We are in a bad place now and I have moved out and we are seperated. It is the worst feeling ever. You need to be honest with your self and come clean. It's hard at first but really what do you have to lose???? You've already cheated and you "think" you are in love with OM, NOT. You are in affair fog for sure. Too bad you crossed the line, you could've saved your marriage.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 YES, I do realize how crazy I sound. And yes, I am in love with the OM and I guess that is making me obsessed, too. That's why I am writing on an anonymous online forum when I should be doing work. I really don't think it's nice to say you hope my husband "takes me to the cleaners." Where I live, property is divided equally. We don't have much property anyway. Hey, there is nothing wrong with falling in love with someone else. However, it is unforgivable to string some poor bastard along for years thinking that he has a chance to reconcile with you. Plus your only going to get back with him if crap doesn't work out with the other guy. WTF... who deserves to be second best and not know! You are a horrible person. I hope I don't know anyone like you. I mean seriously... who does this crap?
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