BREAK? Whats the real deal?

[miracle89]

HI all, i was reading through some of the posts earlier and found them to be really helpful so it prompt me to register and recieve the same help...

 

this is my story...

 

I've been dating a guy for 5 months now, i know it doesn't sound long but we have been living together, and we met through when i was looking for accomodation on the net and it just happened that he was renting out his place. He's in his early 30's and i'm in my 20's, so he's at the stage of his life where he's willing to settle down so im asured that he's not just looking for someone to pass the time.

I have always had this issue with being defensive and trying to make myself sound more 'better' than what i really am and would find it very hard to take truths and criticisms, however he had opened my mind up to breaking down all these barriers that i had and i almost felf vulnerable. Because i had been hiding so much, when i released all these emotions, i was diagonised with depression and had been relying on him constantly. Everything was about him, everything had to be around him, i lost my self completely, but the sad thing was that i didn't even realize and wanted to keep clinging onto him, if he'd hang up the phone, i would cry and act histerical.

He told me over a week ago that this has all been too dramatic on him and that he has been the only support in my life for the past couple of months and wanted me to build a network for myself which doesn't revolve only around him, he indicated that he needed a break from all these and because seeing me had been depressing on his behalf too and he's losing concentration in other areas of his life.

He indicated that he wanted me to stand on my feet again and progress, he said that he'd be with me spiritually but not physically for the next four weeks and that he wants NO CONTACT at all. He said that we'd definately get together in 4 weeks time and talk thiings over.

I questioned him whether that was a way of him moving on? he replied NO, im not moving on,

i questioned if he's forget about me, he replied: no i'm not going to forget about you

he said that it'd be equally hard for the both of us and that he'd miss me but i need to be more independent and that after the 4 weeks i'd see that i'ts a very loving thing that he's done

We ended the convosation based on him saying that he loves me and will chat in 4 weeks time.

 

i haven't called him yet, but i can't stop thinking that i'd never have him back, what are the chances of him changing his mind? Does what he say make legitiment sense or is it a easy way out?

*he's never lied to me in the past and always been upfront but i'm unsure this time, could be due to the fact i feel insecure???

 

PLEASE HELP

[adamt]

A break is just the begining of a break up. Dont be waiting for him. All he is doing is spending time away from you to make sure he can cope without you. In this 4 weeks you need to look after yourself and get back with old friends and start getting busy. Resist all urges to contact him. he may come back in 4 weeks and want to work things out. more than likely he will break up with you. Or a chance he might jsut not bother. if you love someone you dont need or want 4 week apart from someone.

[marmaliade]

if you love someone you dont need or want 4 week apart from someone.

I would disgree... Just the guy is tired on being the one who she puts all her problems too... He doesn't live his life anymore, because it's ALL about her and her problems. After a while of bein a saviour, he simply got tired and exhausted of this role.Besides, who wouldn't if you had to live someone elses life all the time and solve their problems? I bet he'll be back ir you give him time and start being more independant Gl

[urbangirl]

I have just this week broken up with my fiance, we'd been together 2 years. You sound exactly like me, I used to rely on him so much for support and validation and would often lose control, blame him for things that wasn't his fault etc... I had really bad problems with PMT (i mean REALLY bad, it was like depression but for only 5days a month but of course what I did during those few days had longer ramifications...)

We broke up last year for a few days coz we were just arguing and i was still getting hysterical...but we got back together and I convinced him and myself I could change which never happened coz I still had him to rely on so I didn't really 'need' to.

Anyway he broke up with me on Sun and then I realised what I had done and I really started to look and my behaviour and analyse it and i'm really starting to work on improving my issues.

What I'm trying to say is that you have to sort yourself out for you and not rely on others (of course people will love and support you!). It took losing the love of my life to realise this and although i want him back and deeply regret what I did to him, I know that what I was doing wasn't fair so I really can't blame him and now I am more determined than ever to sort myself out for me, to be have within myself so I don't end up making the same mistakes again and ruining more relationships.

 

I should probably start my own thread rather than boycotting yours but you sound exactly like me. It won't be easy though and if you get back with him before you have yourself sorted then it will just drag on for longer and it will only postpone the inevitable (well in my case anyway...) I could never have left him as I thought he was the be all and end all and although we are both still very much in love and want to be together I know its for the best and I'm really thankful for him for breaking up with me and being brave!

 

Really hope you're ok x

[miracle89]

Hey there, thanks for all your replies... i guess all the replies do all make valid points so, i do have to say that i do indeed want him back and he's been soo brave to be able to pull himself away from the situation and see it for what it is, and even though the decision could swing both ways , either he'd come back or he'll be breaking up, either way it's sooo difficult.

 

URBANGIRL: JUst want to say that i don't mind you sharing your opinions in this thread, i think that its good to have someone who went through similiar experience.

and you know, that's exactly what i need to do, work myself out.

To be honest, i think the 4 weeks is to basically see whether i can start making a progression.

What if he said at the end of the 4 weeks "hey, you've done soo well, that just shows me that you don't need me to go through this, so well done, go and live your life without me".... is that a common response? i'm afraid that he'd say that.

 

Do anyone think that it could be just a possibility for him to help me to get on my feet and giving me the hope of us talking through it so that i have the motivation to do it or do you think that, that senario would just be of a waste of time for a guy to do that?