cupcakelove77 Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 This is complicated and LONG sorry!...Ok so me and my fiance have been together for 7 yrs, we have been engaged for 3 yrs..ok in this 7 yrs we have have had 3 major break ups and one where he has actually gotten with another woman was with her for 3 months, but came back to me and cried on and on about what an idiot he was and we end up back together, this was about 3 yrs. ago. Well since then things have been great, he seemed very happy and very much in love with me. Well out of no where he got all weird..Ok let me mention we have always lived together, but for the past year we have lived 15 minutes from each other ok so I go see him maybe once during the week, and we always spend the weekends together. Ok so about 3 wks ago this was my birthday, ok we all went out to a dinner and he was acting a little off, but I ignored it, I'm not one to pry, well during this dinner we were all joking, and someone asked him about spending the night with me to give me my "real" birthday gift later..well he goes "nah I gotta get home, I have to do laundry tomorrow" I just looked at him like wtf?, it made me mad but I joked it off and said "that's ok I have another man willing to" ok a joke, but yes I was mad at him..ok so he leaves..he proceeds to completely ignore me for 4 days, will not answer my phone calls or texts, I only called twice a day though but he seen that I called him, so on the 5th day I said screw it and I went over to his place..ok so he tells me why he was so mad at me..cause of the joke I made! Ok so we make up and he tells he just loves me so much and we make love and it was great..well I go home ok..so everything seems fine..ok well a week later Friday comes and I say let's hang out..he tells me he don't feel like it..ok so up to present day he has been very distant with me not wanting to hang out with me or see me in person at all..I let it go..but enough was enough so I confronted him casually about his actions..and he tells me "I'm not sure I love you anymore." OK!!?? so I didn't flip out or anything I tried to talk to him calmly ....but all he wanted to do was try to have sex..so I left. Well then yesterday..my brother who is his friend..and others were hanging out and he was there..well he was really nice to me and was catering to me..then he had some dessert, and we have this thing..it's from a movie, where it says if a guy feeds you his last bite of dessert, that's how you know he is truly in love with you..ok so he sits down beside me and feeds me his last bite of dessert..anyways so it was a nice day, we kept it very casual. I did go on his facebook and see some new friend he added a girl..I asked him about it and he said oh she always had a crush on me and she found me so I just added her..I caught him on AIM messenger past 2 wks at night...but I casually asked him and he always just says he was talking to Scott, some friend of his...I think he may be talking to another woman..I hope I am wrong but my gut is telling me other wise..but I just do not get any of this..everything was great..what is going on here really???
Author cupcakelove77 Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 No input huh? I'm new here..it seems like everyone here already knows each other.
edward-e Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 i think its really hard to gauge this. honestly, if he says he doesnt know if he loves you anymore and doesnt really wanna see you often and only wants sex when you hang out, i think something is up. you dont tell someone i dont think i love you anymore if you wanna be with someone....just my opinion.
Thomas X Forever Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 No input huh? I'm new here..it seems like everyone here already knows each other. Yeah, about that. You pretty much have to kiss me to get accepted here. But don't worry, I'm a model. Lmao, sorry, sorry. Kidding of course. Sort've. ANYWAY. This guy sounds wishy washy, and as much as I TRULY don't want to hurt you (or anyone), I have to say that it sounds as if your gut is right. He at least said he doesn't know if he's in love, though. So I mean. I don't really know what advice to give. You are basically dealing with a seemingly honest situation. He says he isn't sure he's in love, and this is what one would naturally expect to happen after. My best opinion? Cut off all contact, if he says he doesn't know he loves you. Nothing will clear his mind out like going NC, and making him miss you.
boogieboy Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 When someone says "i dont know if i love you" it means they dont love you but dont want to admit it. Once someone falls out of love, they usually cant fall back in, especially not within years.
silic0ntoad Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Hm. I'd be skeptical. It sounds like this guy really doesn't know what he wants. But it sounds like he is trying to have his cake and eat it too. He is sending mixed signals. You know, the 1st hint to finding out your significant other is cheating? Having to ask in the first place. I know it seems you love him very much and are committed to making it work, but I would back off and try to gather yourself. You deserve better then this treatment. Any guy should be totally committed to you. Not flipping about talking to other chicks on facebook.
Author cupcakelove77 Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 lol Well consider yourself kissed on the cheek then, Thomas. Thanks all for your replies..I know most of you are right..either way bottom line is I don't deserve to be ignored and treated like this, no matter what the reasons are. I just don't get it is all, I guess he just "fell out of love" within a few wks how completely stupid! He is still very attracted to me..I think anyways because the minute I get near him things rise to attention, even when I am just trying to sit next to him to talk. But I guess the love feelings are gone. Another problem in our relationship was that he was always very jealous and always acted like I was doing something, he always says he is sorry for tripping out about that but that his love for me makes him feel crazy..whatever that means. But his brothers b-day is this weekend, so my bother and his brother and his sister and friends are all going to Miami this weekend and they want me to go...well no one knows the problems we have been having..so we are sharing a room, so we will be sleeping in the same bed..I dunno how this is gonna go .. is he gonna fake like we are ok in front of everyone or what, me and his sister we are really good friends, and him and my brother are really good friends. I kept expecting him to come up with some excuse to not go..or maybe he is hoping I won't go now..but so far he is still going..we will have to ride in the backseat togther from Tampa to Miami..then we will be sharing a bed..I'm just not sure how he is gonna act. Should I just not go?
silic0ntoad Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I wouldn't go. You'll just be left with more questions, but the call is yours. Not to mention, while he may be attracted, but not "in love" then anything physical between the two of you will simply be confusing, and may leave you feeling used. I'd bail and make plans to do something you've never done before. Something that doesn't include him that is all yours and yours alone.
edward-e Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 i definitely would not go. if anything happens between you guys it will simply be physical and leave you feeling used. In most circumstances men and women interpret sex in completely opposite ways during a break up. you may think that if hes still attracted to you and has sex with you that maybe his feelings are still there and you can convince him of that. In most circumstances though he will just use you as a stepping stone so that he can still have his physical needs satisfied while waiting for someone else to come along that he can move on too. "I guess he just "fell out of love" within a few wks" ...im a believer that, you just fall out of love in one day. i think that he probably woke up one day and just started thinking that he wanted to give that other woman a shot, that your relationship is just stale and that he just doesnt want you in the same way as before.
lokster Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 just leave him and seems like hes still physically attached to you, just wanting you for sex or something, he probably fell out of love and just moved on, how lame is that =/
Author cupcakelove77 Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 Thank You for the replies Ok I know what you are all saying..ugh it's just crazy everything was great then just so out of the blue..7 yrs. just throw it away like that. Well I talked to him and I said look the door is open just be honest are you seeing or wanting to see someone else and do you want to end this relationship..tell me now..he promised me up and down that there is no one else and says he don't know if he wants to break up..and says he wants to have kids with me..wtf??..he says he don't know why he is acting this way and he said that he is just f'd up in the head..WTF am I missing here???..I'm making it easy for him to leave why is he not just taking it and leaving?? I wasn't even mad when I told him he is free to go. So I asked him again do you love me and he said "I dunno" do you want to be with only me.."I dunno". Such BS I'm sure! Well nothing got solved..so from this point on for me it's the NC thing..if he wants to talk he is going to have to find me. Well he has never lost me not once, he knows I'm always there when he wants me..well not this time.
NightLord1 Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I believe this dude doesn't know what he wants. Hes waffling and going back and forth a lot. Could be he's torn. A part of him wants to be with you and another part may want to be single and see what else is out there. Either way he's being indecisive and to me, if someone is acting like him then something is up...maybe guilt is plaguing his mind...guilt can make people do a lot of crazy crap because they do not know how to handle it. I would take a break from him for a while and clear your head a bit and get yourself more settled before going further and see if it can be worked on or not. Even though it seems like you guys have worked on things before and it didn't really do much of anything but lead down the same path. Regards,
Author cupcakelove77 Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 I believe this dude doesn't know what he wants. Hes waffling and going back and forth a lot. Could be he's torn. A part of him wants to be with you and another part may want to be single and see what else is out there. Yea, you know the more I deep think this you are exactly right..you are right on with this and his new partner at work does not help with that..he is single and has all these great stories and pics and videos in his phone of his wild sex weekends with various woman and loves to share them with my fiance..it all makes sense now..my fiance IS easily influenced. It's funny though cause his partner at work told my father (who is their boss) that my fiance was so lucky to have me and most men search for that for a long time, and he wishes he could find it. So yea, I am just gonna go away..if he cares to talk he will have to seek me out. I used to feel bad because everyone would always tell him that I was too good for him and how did he manage to get me and get so lucky..even his younger brother some of his family and his friends. I would always assure him that was not true, I was not too good for him. Well I hope he has fun looking for greener grass!
edward-e Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 i actually think that this guy DOES know what he wants unlike NightLord. i think that what he wants is the freedom to be alone after all the time youve been together, BUT he wants to tag you along just in case he doesnt find anything better. He probably has grass is greener syndrome and just wants to check around SINCE your relationship is about as far as its gunna go up til marriage. id honestly just let it go, move on and if he comes back then you can decide then if its worth trying to work it out. from loveshacks edward norton look alike
NightLord1 Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Exactly. Let him go looking around and be single if that is what he wants. He is probably seeing all this stuff that this person is showing him and it is making him think about wanting to be single more so. If he's easily influenced you are right that won't help at all....AND if he is easily influenced not exactly the kinda dude you would want to be with the long run i would imagine. I wouldn't have any doubt that if you were to walk away and leave him be he won't want to be single for long and will more than likely come right back to you again. Just my opinion but glad to know you found some help in my words. Regards,
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