Sociopath Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I have a good friend that I have known since grade school. We're in our mid twenties now. My said friend has been in a relationship with a woman nearing 6 years now. They live together and are practically engaged. He often throws parties on the weekends where groups of people are hanging out in various places of his place. Anyway to cut it short when his girlfriend and I drink we usually end up making out in various places of his home. It hasn't lead to actually intercourse only because I haven't allowed it because of fear of getting caught. And this is the only reason. I thought I would care about his feelings, but problem is.... I simply don't. I am apathetic to the situation aside from getting caught and having to drive home drunk or be in a confrontation. When I and and woman in question are sober we simply utter something about being so drunk that we don't remember the night before. But I am sure we both do. I do at least. I really want to hear her sober thoughts on the matter, but I always bit my tongue when we're sober and in private. She too hasn't brought up the issue. I am just seeking advice on the situation at hand.
Author Sociopath Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 Yes, I am for real. When the incidents first started happening I would push away thinking I would feel bad. But I simply don't feel anything but utter indifference. Now I am letting it happen and taking full advantage of the situation at hand. She is a very attractive woman. I believe that I am pursuing her simply out of the forbidden taboo the situation accompanies. I get immense pleasure, more so than a regular fling from an available woman.
frustrated&sad Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Yes, I am for real. When the incidents first started happening I would push away thinking I would feel bad. But I simply don't feel anything but utter indifference. Now I am letting it happen and taking full advantage of the situation at hand. She is a very attractive woman. I believe that I am pursuing her simply out of the forbidden taboo the situation accompanies. I get immense pleasure, more so than a regular fling from an available woman. Sociopath, The fact that you are posting on this webpage and asking for advice makes me think that you are not as emotionless as you've presented yourself. I have to believe that there is a good person in there who knows that what they are doing is unhealthy--for you and the others involved. That said, if you really feel indifferent, have you considered going to talk to someone? I only say this because it could offer you some support and direction. I feel that the sheer fact that you are asking for advice means that your conscience is breaking through indifferent persona. I hope so for your sake! You can have a much richer and fulfilling life by not pursuing this girl.
Author Sociopath Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 I know full well what I am doing is wrong and can cause pain for all parties involved. But my self control is very bad. If others weren't present I would of very well slept with this woman and still be able to look at my friend with a straight face without an ounce of shame, disgust, remorse, or guilt. What I am asking I guess is if anyone has been in my shoes or the shoes of the other person involved. What happened?
Devil Inside Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Sociopath, The fact that you are posting on this webpage and asking for advice makes me think that you are not as emotionless as you've presented yourself. I have to believe that there is a good person in there who knows that what they are doing is unhealthy--for you and the others involved. That said, if you really feel indifferent, have you considered going to talk to someone? I only say this because it could offer you some support and direction. I feel that the sheer fact that you are asking for advice means that your conscience is breaking through indifferent persona. I hope so for your sake! You can have a much richer and fulfilling life by not pursuing this girl. I agree. You are here for a reason. You yourself said that you should feel bad. I think you know what needs to stop happening.
Author Sociopath Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 I agree. You are here for a reason. You yourself said that you should feel bad. I think you know what needs to stop happening. But now, I am imagining myself hanging out with her, sober, and when he's at work. It's at the tip of my tongue to confront about these incidents fully sober and ask her thoughts on the matter. But I simply haven't yet since I am not sure how she will respond. A friend once said to me that a drunk person's actions are a sober person's thoughts.
Devil Inside Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 But now, I am imagining myself hanging out with her, sober, and when he's at work. It's at the tip of my tongue to confront about these incidents fully sober and ask her thoughts on the matter. But I simply haven't yet since I am not sure how she will respond. A friend once said to me that a drunk person's actions are a sober person's thoughts. I say you talk to her first. Let her know how you feel. if she is in denial and wants to say she doesn't remember that's on her...let her know you do remember. That's the first step...then go from there. What exactly is the reaction you are afraid of?
Author Sociopath Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 I say you talk to her first. Let her know how you feel. if she is in denial and wants to say she doesn't remember that's on her...let her know you do remember. That's the first step...then go from there. What exactly is the reaction you are afraid of? I am not exactly sure. Perhaps rejection. Or that she becomes very upset.
theBrokenMuse Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 and still be able to look at my friend with a straight face without an ounce of shame, disgust, remorse, or guilt. The one thing you need to do if you have one single ounce of integrity is drop the so-called 'friend'. You don't resemble that which can be remotely called a friend. You are a true enemy behind a smiling, scheming facade. The way you are acting is repugnant. Get help to figure out why you are as you are.
MistyK Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I'm going to take your word for it that you don't feel bad about any of this. So why are you posting? You don't seem to be asking for how to stop this or how to tell your friend. In fact, you don't seem even slightly interested in making this right. If this kind of thing only happens when you two get the drunk, the solution is obvious. Don't drink. But I guess that wouldn't be any fun then would it? Make no mistake, you WILL get caught at some point. You've obviously decided that this piece of a** is more important than your lifelong friendship (nowhere did you indicate any particualr emotional attachment to her). So, if you insist upon continuing to screw around with this girl, drop your friend. Stop pretending that you are a friend when you really aren't.
Owl Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 If you know it's wrong... ...and you know you have no self-control... ...then stop putting yourself into this situation to begin with. Don't go to their parties anymore...and absolutely do NOT drink with her around going forward. There you go. Simple answer...just stop setting the stage for this to happen. You can take these actions when you're sober, when you have some modicum of self-control...and that prevents bad things from happening when you aren't sober. You should consider seeking out an Al-anon meeting or something similar as well.
stillafool Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 But now, I am imagining myself hanging out with her, sober, and when he's at work. It's at the tip of my tongue to confront about these incidents fully sober and ask her thoughts on the matter. But I simply haven't yet since I am not sure how she will respond. A friend once said to me that a drunk person's actions are a sober person's thoughts. I think you have tripped and fell in love with this woman. I think you want a relationship with her and you are trying to hide it.
utterer of lies Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 What I am asking I guess is if anyone has been in my shoes or the shoes of the other person involved. What happened? Sex. Isn't it obvious?
utterer of lies Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 But now, I am imagining myself hanging out with her, sober, and when he's at work. It's at the tip of my tongue to confront about these incidents fully sober and ask her thoughts on the matter. But I simply haven't yet since I am not sure how she will respond. Better have drunken sex before actually talking to her sober about the whole thing.
Author Sociopath Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 I thought perhaps letting this out(This is the first time I have mentioned it to anyone) would give me some insight. But it gives me no catharsis, my punishment continues to elude me and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession means nothing to me. I am simply curious on other persons involvements of stories similar to mine.
Author Sociopath Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 I think you have tripped and fell in love with this woman. I think you want a relationship with her and you are trying to hide it. Nonsense. I want my life to be as uncomplicated as it can be. And based solely on what I want. Perhaps a NSA relationship wouldn't be totally out of the question with her.
frustrated&sad Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Nonsense. I want my life to be as uncomplicated as it can be. And based solely on what I want. Perhaps a NSA relationship wouldn't be totally out of the question with her. If you want your life to not be complicated, then you should stop all this. Otherwise, your life is going to get much heavier, more complex. Trust you me. Find someone else and get yourself some help. She is a drug. stay away.
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