maria_patheticsoul Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I know some of you will say i am so stupid and crazy...i posted a week ago that i am going to see my ex coz i agreed that we can be **** buddies. So i did see him and yes it hurts after. Maybe i that type of a woman who can bear pain and uses it to get over a relationship. He told me when i saw him last friday that one thing is for sure...that we can not live without each other.....it's not true for i know that i can live without him intime...all i need is the courage to tell him to back off and leave me alone but i am not too brave to tell him that these days. We are not talking for 4 days now and somehow it feels good. Last monday he got angry at me again coz i did not reply him when he asked me when can he sleep here in my place....and he also got angry because i dont post our photo in my avatar anymore and he said that he always have the feeling that i have a hidden agenda. I just pray that i will have the courage to really let go of him for good. There was no real clossure between us....even if he asked me to leave his place after a few days he still calls me and talk to me.....we broke off last week but still we talk. I want a clossure a real one....for me a real one is if he says it's over...it's over and will not bother to talk to me. I am praying that day will come coz i can not do it...i can not tell him to back off for now....i am so stupid. I know if he will start the NC i will feel ok. These days i am still cry at night not because i know our relationship will be over soon but because i feel pity for myself....for not being brave. I know i still love him but i also know i can get over him...all i wanted is for him to help me and leave me alone for good coz i can not really do it all by myself. I am praying hard for that day to come and finally face him and tell him "it's over....let us let go of it"
boogieboy Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Hes never going to tell you its over if you let him have sex with you. How many years do you plan on living like this...waiting for him to cut you off?
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 I am definitely not planning to live like this for years...you see i am the type of a woman who never dump a man. All i do is push him in that direction of dumping me...And no that will be the last...i felt pain because i definitely know the reason why i was there for that night. But i think he is using my own stick to beat me up...pushing me in the direction of spitting it out to him. I know i can handle this i just need to take it all out of my chest and i will feel better.
TaraMaiden Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Your name says it all..... Just stop playing stupid mind games and do the right thing. Stop this and move on. Ridiculous.
Taucher Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 We are not talking for 4 days now and somehow it feels good. Last monday he got angry at me again coz i did not reply him when he asked me when can he sleep here in my place....and he also got angry because i dont post our photo in my avatar anymore and he said that he always have the feeling that i have a hidden agenda. I am praying that day will come coz i can not do it...i can not tell him to back off for now....i am so stupid. I know i still love him but i also know i can get over him Everything you need to know about yourself and your situation is in your post, and I have quoted it above. You have not spoken for 4 days and it feels good? DO IT MORE THEN, for longer. He gets angry with you. Does that not make you feel like you deserve more? You are not blind to his anger and how unfair he is being, you have written it down. And, you KNOW that you can get over him. You said it yourself. So tell yourself it, over and over again. Because you need to believe it, really believe it. It sounds like you are maybe the stronger one here. You are not a coward OR stupid, your ex is. You are just not seeing the signs that you CAN cope with this and that you WILL be ok. I think that if you do tell him to **** off, you will feel GREAT. And it will be the best thing you can do for yourself. And it will be the start of a more assertive you who doesnt let this happen in future relationships. Take care T
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Thanks Taucher that was really uplifting. I finally did it....sent him an email last weekend and told him to back off now but in a nice and polite way. I adviced him to explore more the women here in my country. As for me i did change my mobile and land line number already and blocked him in my messenger. Deleted every photo i have of me and him and even those things he gave me i put inside the storage room...i guess this was it. My anger was not there anymore at the end of the day i thought about it and i realized it was not worth it being angry at him. I can still have want i want in life a simple and happy family but it's crystal clear now he is not the one for me. I wished him goodluck and told him to always stay safe though and that i will not be at his side if ever he needs help...it's for the best.
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Your name says it all..... Just stop playing stupid mind games and do the right thing. Stop this and move on. Ridiculous. Darling thanks for the comment but you know not all people are the same in treating pain in a break up. For me the more painful the more better for me to realize things and move on....and when i get tired only then will trigger me to stop. Well it's me i can not help it coz that's the way i know to be stronger...the pain. But i am ok now coz i finally did it.
Ronni_W Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 :bunny: Congratulations, Maria!!! :bunny: I'm so glad that you finally decided to stand up for, and help, yourself instead of jusy waiting for him to do that 'for' you. We do need to be strong like that for ourselves...even when it's difficult. Wishing you much luck and happiness in life.
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Thanks Ronni it was really nice to finally did it....getting over him now will not be hard...not too much effort. I had my face flat down on the ground but now i finally regain my self confidence. Had my shortcomings but we are even now so no guilt in me. It feels good when you can finally let go and no guilty feelings.
RedDevil66 Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Your name says it all..... Just stop playing stupid mind games and do the right thing. Stop this and move on. Ridiculous. ....................................
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