Octavia Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Hi, I don't want to break up with him, I would really like to know how I can forget what happened. Overview - him: we've been together since 2004, we got together when we were 15 years old. I've had sexual relationships before, he has not...his longest relationship before me was about 2 weeks!! He was a semi pro footballer for the first 3 years, released due to injury. He was one of the brightest kids in the school (GCSEs: 3xA*, 3xA, 2xB, 1xC) general all rounder & good kid. Perfect partner until university (he's just completed his second year), alcohol & distance from me. His next door neighbour in his first year is a whore with no morals. He cheated with her. She had to tell him as he couldn't remember. At the time it happened we were going through a rough patch, because he was having feelings for his next door neighbour. He decided that the feelings he had for her were temporary, whereas the feelings he had for me were permanent & slowly stopped having feelings for her. He's cheated at least 6 times (by his own admission), kissing. The last time, I caught him out, he asked the girl for sex (& was really un-suave about it ), she told him she's not that kind of girl so he went home alone. Cheating started at Uni & happened over a period of approx 6 months. All the times he's cheated he's been so drunk he doesn't remember...his friends have told him what he's done & the evidence is on his phone in the form of texts which he discovers in the morning. He didn't admit cheating to me until I caught him. He said that the others girls didn't mean a thing & he can't remember who they are cos he was too drunk. I am by no means making excuses for him! I just don't understand why he betrayed me. I've seen some of the girls & they have absolutely nothing on me! They're not better looking, they're not thinner, their boobs aren't bigger. They have the same hair colour as me, the same eye colour. I'm half Chinese so they don't really look like me. Also, I am a fit person (I passed my blackbelt for kickboxing in June) & I got good grades at school. Overview - me: cheated on every bf I have had (4) with the first bf apart from current partner. It took meeting my current partner to break the cycle, I have remained faithful & tbh not even tempted by anyone else. I was with a bf for 6 months, I cheated on him with Pete (current partner), it was a kiss. (Ergh, on reflection I am actually disgusted with my behaviour.) The day after it happened I broke up with him & Pete & I became an item. I am not at Uni, I work as a Lead Generation Executive for an Online Marketing & Lead Generation company. I left my hometown of Gloucester (UK) & moved to Liverpool (UK) where Pete's at Uni so we could be closer. We moved in together in June (there's 4 of us in the apartment in total). I'm not all 'i left everything for you!', I see that as a completely unfair thing to say to him. I left home because I felt ready & we felt ready to move in together. Sorry to bore you with my life story. *sigh* what is wrong with me? I feel so stupid for letting Pete cheat on me. I look at mysef & think 'what an idiot!', I always thought that if I was ever cheated on, I would get rid of the person faster then a bullet but then it happened & I didn't. I have been loyal & faithful to him from the moment we got together 5 years ago. Well 5 years & 3months ago Everytime I remember that he betrayed me another little piece of me dies. I get so upset both with myself & him. I've been berating him about his infedility ever since I caught him out. Its not fair on him & tbh its exhausting. I would really like to forget what happened. Our relationship has changed a lot over the years, its grown as we have & we've learned a lot together. It has also obviously changed a lot since his infidelity too...when I don't remember he cheated we're so happy & everything feels perfect...as soon as I remeber a small piece of me crumbles & dies :'(. Generally I am a happy person & I only like to be happy & this is really eating away at me. I don't agree with once a cheater, always a cheater. I just don't understand why he cheated (neiter does he) & I can't get over it. I would REALLY like to get over it. I don't feel like I have to get revenge or anything. Just incase you wanted to know, he's studying Aerospace Engineering. He wants to be a pilot in the RAF. With the RAF we wont be able to live together until we are married (we're not engaged & we don't have any kids!) I am willing to move around the country to be closer to him when he's training so he doesn't feel lonely & cheat again. To keep our relationship strong because it is strong & its a great reason to keep moving around, which i like. Sorry this is probably really incoherent & waffly, I just want to know how to be able to move on & be happy again. Any nuggets of wisdom will be greatly received. Thank you <--- hehe, isn't it cute!!
RedDevil66 Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I'm sorry you're hurting over this, but I can answer this with one simple line. He's young, VERY YOUNG and went away to college and sees what life is all about. It won't be the last time he cheats. You need to let him go.
Strawberry Cane Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 RedDevil66 said it all sweetheart. I'm sorry to tell you. There is nothing wrong with you. It's natural to want to stay together and fix things, but my current boyfriend has a VERY simmilar story. He dated a girl for 5 years when they were in highschool, and when she went away to go to University, the cheating started... He says he had no respect for someone who CHOSE to disrespect him as a lover and a friend, so he cut all ties with her. He was devistated though. It hurts to go through something like that. I can imagine. Remember that a very important part of a relationship is respect for eachother, and a drunken romp is a selfish act. Lastly, I've dated a pilot before... and an old friend of mine was a pilot and believe me, they both had huge male egos. They had this attitude like... I am a pilot, I'm the sh*t and I can do whatever I want because I am a pilot. It's nice to be proud of what you do, but I find any pilot I know tends to introduce themselves with "Hi, I'm (insert name here), and I fly airplanes!" They use to to make themselves seem like these awesome guys... and I know first hand, taking a girl up into an airplane can be SUPER ROMANITC. Hopefully Pete is not like that.... but I'm just giving you my experiences.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Hi, I don't want to break up with him, I would really like to know how I can forget what happened. you'll NEVER forget what happened. Forgiveness? thats up to you. you are young, don't tie yourself down to this guy, especially since he didn't give you any consideration or respect to keep from cheating on you. But if you stay with him, be prepared to live a life less lived and for it to happen again. He must be cute, thats all I can think of that you want to stay with him. Overview - me: cheated on every bf I have had (4) well, then ignore what I said above....you are perfect for each other. help save 2 other people. *sigh* what is wrong with me? I feel so stupid for letting Pete cheat on me. but you are a cheater yourself:confused: I look at mysef & think 'what an idiot!', I always thought that if I was ever cheated on, I would get rid of the person faster then a bullet uh, but you are a cheater yourself:confused: I just don't understand why he cheated well...why did you cheat in your relationships? lemme guess...you don't know (neiter does he) oh, bull, everyone knows why they cheated. #1 reason...they wanted the excitement of being with someone else...not the same old same old person they have been with for what seems like an eternity.
Author Octavia Posted August 17, 2009 Author Posted August 17, 2009 I cheated in previous relationships as I was hung up on the 1st bf who pretty much raped me when I was 13. I thought it was love. It took meeting Pete to break that cycle & have not cheated since.
whichwayisup Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 If he is going to be in your life, he HAS to stop drinking. The fact he 'blacks' out and does stupid things (cheating and whatever else) isn't good. Not saying he's an alcoholic, but he definately cannot handle his liquor, doesn't know when to stop.. Is he truly remorseful for his cheating? Does he plan on quitting drinking, maybe getting some help so he can become an all around better person? If he isn't willing to change his ways, then he WILL cheat on you again. You deserve better and the last thing you want to deal with in 10 years when you're married, have afew kids, is deal with his infidelity again.
Author Octavia Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 Thanks everyone you're all amazing.
WalkbyFaith Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 If you stay with him, you are just showing him he can walk all over you....and he will. Leave now. There are plenty of good decent men out there. DO NOT SETTLE!
Owl Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I would agree with you...I don't buy the "once a cheater, always a cheater". BUT... I personally DO buy a "twice a cheater, always a cheater" mindset. Serial/repeat cheaters almost NEVER reform. You've noted he's cheated at least six times. This isn't an accident...it's an indication of personality/character/morals. I don't see him changing...so you either accept it as who he is, or you find someone who is CAPABLE of monogamy. He's not.
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