Porn

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I have a 0 sex drive but love closeness cuddling and so on hes a sex-aholic he loves porn so I say go for it!

 

Seams to work for him and better then having him runaround behind my back to me porn is a means to a end for him its fantasy thats all..

[missdependant]

You seem to think that all men are behind closed doors in secret laughing it up to each other, slapping themselves on the back, and commending each other on treating and calling women whores, sluts, and all of these derogatives that you attribute them to believing.

 

 

OMG, lolol :lmao:

[Jersey Shortie]

The blame for htis falls more on pop culture than porn. Look at the music/film/tv industry for their inspiration, not porn.

 

 

I am sorry but I don't see a huge difference between what girls wear in film/music/tv, then what I have seen in pornography. I do not understand how one one hand you can understand pop culture's influence on society but you don't consider porn part of that pop culture. Especially when it's a billion dollar business that has been said to out-do that of the film/music and tv industry combined. It makes no logical sense to say that it's all these other media outlets but that porn is completely 100% excluded. Get real. Men have developed an expectation of sex through porn and more and more are desperately trying to fit it.

 

If you're not a complete loser and pedo,when halloween comes around this year, take a look at the young girls dressing up like they are pornstars and don't tell me that's not bleeped up and that culture isn't affected by society or it's mearly pop culture. These girls weren't dressing up like Alica Keys. They were dressing up like sexy maids, schoolgirls, and fairies.

 

Probably because like the rest of your illogical ramblings, you don't make sense at all here either. What you're talking about not only doesn't have anything to do at all with pornography, but also has no foundation in reality.

 

And if you really thought that, you wouldn't be here commenting on a regular basis. We both know you don't consider me illogical. It's just like when Miss Independent tries to act like she doesn't follow what is being said but still shows up commenting.

 

 

You seem to think that all men are behind closed doors in secret laughing it up to each other, slapping themselves on the back, and commending each other on treating and calling women whores, sluts, and all of these derogatives that you attribute them to believing. You would think they do this, outside of the issue of pornography, because you hate men because they make you insecure about yourself. Your issue is much, much closer than you think

.

 

I NEVER said I wasn't insecure. However, my insecurity does not stop the truth in what I am saying. ALL of us are tainted by our world perceptions. Not just me. At least I am honest enough to admit it. THAT is being logical. I realize I am insecure. I live in a world every day that tells me I am not good enough. And men indirectly give that message everyday to their own women. How many women are this board are fighting for their relationships and their men while their men are off by themselves masturbating to 20 year olds?

 

And yes, there is a certain boys club mentality around here. Are men laughing and patting themselves on the back? To a certain degree, YES they are. I just overheard this story about how this man found this cellphone and called it to find the owner. When he found the owner it was two young 20 year olds, he bragged about it. When the girl offered his number, he was about to take it. Turned out there were two escorts. Was he bragging about his wife of 28 years? No. He was bragging about the 20 year old escorts he just meet that he was about to sleep with.

 

Do I hate men? Give me a break with this lame line. It's clear with anyone with two brain cells that I don't. It's clear that I don't feel that men value women.

 

 

 

Not at all. I dont know where your getting your info from..but dont take it out on guys like me and all of my friends who are great guys...girls with your attitude ruin it for us guys

 

And guys with your attitude ruin it for good girls.

 

 

"... but Jersey Shortie and a lot of people in this thread think that by the single fact that a man watches pornography, he is a pussy hound that is actively degrading women as much as if he walked up to one on the street, called her a whore, and proceeded to sexually assault her. These people see no moral distinction between the two; it's plain wrong, and it's intellectually dishonest.

 

Is a man that watches porn behind closed doors of women being called names and being used for sex and gets pleasure from it any better then a man that calls women names and get pleasure from it?

 

I don't think men are are awful people. What upsets me is that we have fathers, husbands, boyfriends, uncles...etc etc etc...that behind closed doors, the worth of a woman is clearly less then that of a man. I have no doubt that these men don't love the woman in their life. I do think it sucks though that instead of protecting women, the are more eager to exploit them. That a good man now-a-days is someone that looks at porn of women being treated with little respect but at face-value will pretend he respects women. He might love the women in his life but I really question if men even respect women or think that women have value beyond sex.

 

 

 

1) When two people have libidos that are incompatible (i.e. I want sex three times a day, but she only wants it once or our schedules conflict)--I don't create added stress for her in that I have to paw at her and coerce sex, and she doesn't feel like she's rejecting me or being a less than good partner.

 

I have cravings for french fries everyday. Do you know how often I eat them? Just becuase you have an "urge" for anything, doesn't mean you should act it the second you feel it. I also don't think it would be fair for someone to be deprived of sex on a regular basis. There is a medium that we don't have in this society, especially with sex. But because it's behind closed doors and there are no visable signs, it's all hush hush.

 

2) When two people aren't very experienced with sex, pornography can be an education tool (e.g. "Oh, I didn't know you could do that", "That looks sexy, let's try that").

 

And this one reason why porn has affected culture, women and men. More people are doing more things that resemble porn. We all sit here and say "it's fantasy". But more and more people are doing the fantasy. Some say that's great but how does that keep the line clear on it being "just fantasy" and reality. Men love when women act more like the porn stars in the movies. Women know this and more women try to please their men by meeting that unrealistic stereotype.

 

3) Foreplay. Enough said.

 

Since most porn movies, especially the ones a man will watch, focus on the women, yes this is great for men. I guess women should love seeing other women just as much as men do because men rather aer sexuality be more like that of a man then a woman.

 

4) Pornography tears down misguided, ignorant, and Puritanical reservations of sex. By making sex acceptable to the mainstream, we open ourselves to more than missionary sex with a sheet in between us.

 

Pornogrpahy doesn't tear down misguided ignorant views at all. It might make sex more in your face. Porn sets up so many unrealistic stereotypes about women that it is unbelievable. Women are not celebrated in porn. And if you say otherwise I severely question you on that. Women are not celebrated for their own special individual sexuality. Women are celebrated for conforming to a stereotype about a male fantasy on what women's sexualty should be. Men don't really want wome nto be true and open to their seuxualty. They want women to be more true to wanting to fullfill men's fantasies. That is what porn is about. Again, if you say otherwise, i suspect you are not behing honest.

[AAlike]

i wish young girls would get away from that whole scene. There are a lot of female artists out there that are successful, sexy, funny, intelligent etc such as Bjork, madonna, joanna newsome, pj harvey, debbie harry, lily allen, chrissy hynde, la roux, alison goldfrapp, lady gaga..

 

while I agree with this list for the most part and like most of the artists on it, I would think that Madonna would be the exact opposite of the point that you are trying to make...

 

and pj harvey and lady gaga on the same list is just funny...

[AAlike]

 

1) When two people have libidos that are incompatible (i.e. I want sex three times a day, but she only wants it once or our schedules conflict)--I don't create added stress for her in that I have to paw at her and coerce sex, and she doesn't feel like she's rejecting me or being a less than good partner.

 

 

Vet - to play devil's advocate here, I think what most of the anti-porn women on here would say to this is that in order to remain entirely and completely faithful, that in this case of incompatible libidos that the man should either simply adhere to the woman's schedule, or more realistically, if he rubs one out it should be to images, either mental or visual, of his partner only.

 

There is typically a large distinction for men between merely thinking about sex in a more graphic, visual way versus actually engaging in it - this is completely understandable given the fact that with the nature of the male sexuality it is very unremarkable to stimulate oneself with a visual image - I mean most of us have spent our entire teenage years visualizing sex with every girl that we'd seen in a skirt since puberty! so for us, porn is simply a natural extension of what we've been doing ever since we started noticing women, but just requiring us to concentrate less (haha). so for most of us porn serves a function similar to that of how people use ocean sounds to help them sleep. there are certainly people for whom it can become a compulsion, but for most guys, I really don't think that's the case.

 

female sexuality is typically not so "primal" and reliant on purely visual imagery. therefore the distinction between the physical act of sex versus the mental imagery is not so strong. that's not to say that a women cannot be sexually spontaneous or enjoy a one-nighter - but it's usually fueled somewhat by something situational, not just "a set of t*ts" like it is a guy. Therefore, it's easy to see why women apply a much larger emphasis on the impact of porn than how it applies to the average guy. That is why questions like "would you care if your wife was a porn star, wouldn't she do all the things that you want" continually pop up in this discussion yet seem so silly to us guys. I have had enough sex to know that what is geared towards helping me to get off in a purely visual manner is light years different from actual sex. it's just like shooting a movie about anything else - it relies on certain angles to heighten only the visual effect. Comparing porn to sex is like comparing a movie about skydiving to skydiving. The anti-porn women on here are correlating porn to reality (and thus inflating its importance) WAY WAY WAY more than an average guy does.

 

and that's where the true fultility of being so hurt by this comes into play. we as men all know that even if we never used porn or masturbated at all in between sexual encounters with our partners, that sexual images would simply inevitably and subconsciously pop into our heads. some might be of our partner, some of celebs, some about the woman in the next cubicle when she bent over to pick up that fax - but really all are non-focused and non-lasting, and really not personalized. that's just what happens. it certainly slows down as a man ages in tune with how his libido also slows down. I think that a number of women that have posted in this thread believe that once a man is in a relationship that he should no longer have any mental images about sex that don't correlate to his partner. not only is that not realistic, I believe that it is in fact IMPOSSIBLE. I feel terrible for those women who are so offended by this impossibility because there is absolutely nothing you can do about it - that's why in an earlier thread I had told JS that she is simply offended by male sexuality, and her crusade against porn is only a side effect to that.

[Vet]

I am sorry but I don't see a huge difference between what girls wear in film/music/tv, then what I have seen in pornography. I do not understand how one one hand you can understand pop culture's influence on society but you don't consider porn part of that pop culture. Especially when it's a billion dollar business that has been said to out-do that of the film/music and tv industry combined. It makes no logical sense to say that it's all these other media outlets but that porn is completely 100% excluded. Get real. Men have developed an expectation of sex through porn and more and more are desperately trying to fit it.

 

If you're not a complete loser and pedo,when halloween comes around this year, take a look at the young girls dressing up like they are pornstars and don't tell me that's not bleeped up and that culture isn't affected by society or it's mearly pop culture. These girls weren't dressing up like Alica Keys. They were dressing up like sexy maids, schoolgirls, and fairies.

 

 

 

And if you really thought that, you wouldn't be here commenting on a regular basis. We both know you don't consider me illogical. It's just like when Miss Independent tries to act like she doesn't follow what is being said but still shows up commenting.

 

 

.

 

I NEVER said I wasn't insecure. However, my insecurity does not stop the truth in what I am saying. ALL of us are tainted by our world perceptions. Not just me. At least I am honest enough to admit it. THAT is being logical. I realize I am insecure. I live in a world every day that tells me I am not good enough. And men indirectly give that message everyday to their own women. How many women are this board are fighting for their relationships and their men while their men are off by themselves masturbating to 20 year olds?

 

And yes, there is a certain boys club mentality around here. Are men laughing and patting themselves on the back? To a certain degree, YES they are. I just overheard this story about how this man found this cellphone and called it to find the owner. When he found the owner it was two young 20 year olds, he bragged about it. When the girl offered his number, he was about to take it. Turned out there were two escorts. Was he bragging about his wife of 28 years? No. He was bragging about the 20 year old escorts he just meet that he was about to sleep with.

 

Do I hate men? Give me a break with this lame line. It's clear with anyone with two brain cells that I don't. It's clear that I don't feel that men value women.

 

 

 

 

 

And guys with your attitude ruin it for good girls.

 

 

 

 

Is a man that watches porn behind closed doors of women being called names and being used for sex and gets pleasure from it any better then a man that calls women names and get pleasure from it?

 

I don't think men are are awful people. What upsets me is that we have fathers, husbands, boyfriends, uncles...etc etc etc...that behind closed doors, the worth of a woman is clearly less then that of a man. I have no doubt that these men don't love the woman in their life. I do think it sucks though that instead of protecting women, the are more eager to exploit them. That a good man now-a-days is someone that looks at porn of women being treated with little respect but at face-value will pretend he respects women. He might love the women in his life but I really question if men even respect women or think that women have value beyond sex.

 

 

 

 

 

I have cravings for french fries everyday. Do you know how often I eat them? Just becuase you have an "urge" for anything, doesn't mean you should act it the second you feel it. I also don't think it would be fair for someone to be deprived of sex on a regular basis. There is a medium that we don't have in this society, especially with sex. But because it's behind closed doors and there are no visable signs, it's all hush hush.

 

 

 

And this one reason why porn has affected culture, women and men. More people are doing more things that resemble porn. We all sit here and say "it's fantasy". But more and more people are doing the fantasy. Some say that's great but how does that keep the line clear on it being "just fantasy" and reality. Men love when women act more like the porn stars in the movies. Women know this and more women try to please their men by meeting that unrealistic stereotype.

 

 

 

Since most porn movies, especially the ones a man will watch, focus on the women, yes this is great for men. I guess women should love seeing other women just as much as men do because men rather aer sexuality be more like that of a man then a woman.

 

 

 

Pornogrpahy doesn't tear down misguided ignorant views at all. It might make sex more in your face. Porn sets up so many unrealistic stereotypes about women that it is unbelievable. Women are not celebrated in porn. And if you say otherwise I severely question you on that. Women are not celebrated for their own special individual sexuality. Women are celebrated for conforming to a stereotype about a male fantasy on what women's sexualty should be. Men don't really want wome nto be true and open to their seuxualty. They want women to be more true to wanting to fullfill men's fantasies. That is what porn is about. Again, if you say otherwise, i suspect you are not behing honest.

 

Your life would be a lot happier if you realized that the sample of your population doesn't represent the larger whole. You met some guys with issues. Not all guys have them. Keep on hating men though; seems to be working for you..... right? ...Right?

[Vet]

Vet - to play devil's advocate here, I think what most of the anti-porn women on here would say to this is that in order to remain entirely and completely faithful, that in this case of incompatible libidos that the man should either simply adhere to the woman's schedule, or more realistically, if he rubs one out it should be to images, either mental or visual, of his partner only.

 

Yeah, that's really the crux of the issue: a lot of the women in this thread think that a man's libido should deflate to match hers, or he's being unfaithful. Masturbation is unfaithfulness. Thoughts of another person are unfaithfulness. Porn is just a corollary argument that's been roped into this because it's an easy target. Read all the posts by the women who are the major contributors to this thread and you'll see that it comes down to insecurity; not being able to cope with their men wanting sex in amounts and fashions that they cannot provide.

[AAlike]

Yeah, that's really the crux of the issue: a lot of the women in this thread think that a man's libido should deflate to match hers, or he's being unfaithful. Masturbation is unfaithfulness. Thoughts of another person are unfaithfulness. Porn is just a corollary argument that's been roped into this because it's an easy target. Read all the posts by the women who are the major contributors to this thread and you'll see that it comes down to insecurity; not being able to cope with their men wanting sex in amounts and fashions that they cannot provide.

 

I agree with all of this, except that last bit is going to flip out the porn patrol, and I don't know that it's entirely accurate.

 

I have a very satisfying sex life with the GF - I do not want any other sex than what I get. my porn use is pretty much only when one of us is travelling.

 

what I think is also important here is that because I watch porn does not mean that I want to have sex in a similar style or with women in the movie. it is slanted towards a VISUAL REPRESENTATION of sex. IT IS A MOVIE. I use it as such. end of story.

[brwneyedgirl]

Yeah, that's really the crux of the issue: a lot of the women in this thread think that a man's libido should deflate to match hers, or he's being unfaithful. Masturbation is unfaithfulness. Thoughts of another person are unfaithfulness. Porn is just a corollary argument that's been roped into this because it's an easy target. Read all the posts by the women who are the major contributors to this thread and you'll see that it comes down to insecurity; not being able to cope with their men wanting sex in amounts and fashions that they cannot provide.

 

 

I have not read this whole thread but have to disagree with your last sentence (I am not porn patrol LOL) I was married to a man that was addicted to porn. I was more than willing to have sex with him in a variety of ways and I often initiated to be turned down. He didn't want it from me. .. he would wait for me to go to bed, leave the house or whatever to get on the computer or watch a movie and take care of himself. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind porn here and there but for me it's more of a forplay kind of thing. We would watch a movie together and he wouldn't even touch me! I would have to say that it did make me feel insecure like what was wrong with me, but it was not me. ..he had a problem.

[sweetjasmine]

Yeah, that's really the crux of the issue: a lot of the women in this thread think that a man's libido should deflate to match hers, or he's being unfaithful. Masturbation is unfaithfulness. Thoughts of another person are unfaithfulness. Porn is just a corollary argument that's been roped into this because it's an easy target. Read all the posts by the women who are the major contributors to this thread and you'll see that it comes down to insecurity; not being able to cope with their men wanting sex in amounts and fashions that they cannot provide.

 

I think that last bit is unfair.

 

I don't really mind that he sometimes looks at porn (it doesn't upset me), but I do have some minor insecurities about it. I'd rather not know what he prefers in porn because it'll make me compare myself to it, and that's pretty stupid, since it doesn't have anything to do with him and since he doesn't compare me or want me to look/act like pornstars. So I'd rather he tell me what he wants, and, funny enough, he wants sex less frequently than I do.

 

In other words, with me, it's not that I can't cope with how much sex he wants. It's that I've been raised and culturally conditioned to compare my looks to other women's looks and compete with them, and it's an incredibly hard habit to break. I have a feeling that applies to a lot of women who take issue with porn, too.

[Vet]

I have not read this whole thread but have to disagree with your last sentence (I am not porn patrol LOL) I was married to a man that was addicted to porn. I was more than willing to have sex with him in a variety of ways and I often initiated to be turned down. He didn't want it from me. .. he would wait for me to go to bed, leave the house or whatever to get on the computer or watch a movie and take care of himself. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind porn here and there but for me it's more of a forplay kind of thing. We would watch a movie together and he wouldn't even touch me! I would have to say that it did make me feel insecure like what was wrong with me, but it was not me. ..he had a problem.

 

You're talking about something quite different. Your guy had a compulsive problem with it.

[c-riouz]

Vet - to play devil's advocate here, I think what most of the anti-porn women on here would say to this is that in order to remain entirely and completely faithful, that in this case of incompatible libidos that the man should either simply adhere to the woman's schedule, or more realistically, if he rubs one out it should be to images, either mental or visual, of his partner only.

 

There is typically a large distinction for men between merely thinking about sex in a more graphic, visual way versus actually engaging in it - this is completely understandable given the fact that with the nature of the male sexuality it is very unremarkable to stimulate oneself with a visual image - I mean most of us have spent our entire teenage years visualizing sex with every girl that we'd seen in a skirt since puberty! so for us, porn is simply a natural extension of what we've been doing ever since we started noticing women, but just requiring us to concentrate less (haha). so for most of us porn serves a function similar to that of how people use ocean sounds to help them sleep. there are certainly people for whom it can become a compulsion, but for most guys, I really don't think that's the case.

 

female sexuality is typically not so "primal" and reliant on purely visual imagery. therefore the distinction between the physical act of sex versus the mental imagery is not so strong. that's not to say that a women cannot be sexually spontaneous or enjoy a one-nighter - but it's usually fueled somewhat by something situational, not just "a set of t*ts" like it is a guy. Therefore, it's easy to see why women apply a much larger emphasis on the impact of porn than how it applies to the average guy. That is why questions like "would you care if your wife was a porn star, wouldn't she do all the things that you want" continually pop up in this discussion yet seem so silly to us guys. I have had enough sex to know that what is geared towards helping me to get off in a purely visual manner is light years different from actual sex. it's just like shooting a movie about anything else - it relies on certain angles to heighten only the visual effect. Comparing porn to sex is like comparing a movie about skydiving to skydiving. The anti-porn women on here are correlating porn to reality (and thus inflating its importance) WAY WAY WAY more than an average guy does.

 

and that's where the true fultility of being so hurt by this comes into play. we as men all know that even if we never used porn or masturbated at all in between sexual encounters with our partners, that sexual images would simply inevitably and subconsciously pop into our heads. some might be of our partner, some of celebs, some about the woman in the next cubicle when she bent over to pick up that fax - but really all are non-focused and non-lasting, and really not personalized. that's just what happens. it certainly slows down as a man ages in tune with how his libido also slows down. I think that a number of women that have posted in this thread believe that once a man is in a relationship that he should no longer have any mental images about sex that don't correlate to his partner. not only is that not realistic, I believe that it is in fact IMPOSSIBLE. I feel terrible for those women who are so offended by this impossibility because there is absolutely nothing you can do about it - that's why in an earlier thread I had told JS that she is simply offended by male sexuality, and her crusade against porn is only a side effect to that.

 

So if those "mental images of other women" always pop up anyway - does that mean one woman is never enough for a man?

[c-riouz]

You're talking about something quite different. Your guy had a compulsive problem with it.

 

You're saying that like most guys don't have a compulsive problem with it. I beg to differ. Most guys wouldn't be able to completely go without it for even two weeks. But right, men don't have a problem with porn, it's us women who do.

[Vet]

So if those "mental images of other women" always pop up anyway - does that mean one woman is never enough for a man?

 

I find it very disturbing that so many of you can't see the separation between the two. Do you really think that if a man has a mental image of another woman that he's cheated or has had two women?

 

You're saying that like most guys don't have a compulsive problem with it. I beg to differ. Most guys wouldn't be able to completely go without it for even two weeks. But right, men don't have a problem with porn, it's us women who do.

 

You can beg all you want, but it doesn't make it true.

[AAlike]

So if those "mental images of other women" always pop up anyway - does that mean one woman is never enough for a man?

 

Well, that is a completely interpretive question, and given what you and I have posted thus far in this thread, I have a feeling that we are going to interpret it differently.

 

You are certainly entitled to your opinion that real women are comparable to and "nullified" by pictures. and you are certainly welcome to seek out a partner that will never think of a naked woman other than you. I just think that you should be prepared to find that this partner will be one of the following:

 

1) A eunuch

2) A character from a Hugh Grant or Meg Ryan movie

3) A woman

4) A gay man (who will just think of men instead)

[You'reasian]

JS, porn consumption is porn consumption whether its a man or a woman consuming it. You still have a defeatist attitude about it all. I get the impression you are going for the wrong kinds of guys, assuming that you actually go out and do date men.

 

You say that men do not protect women. This is a theme you have spoken to repetitively. If you desire to see men protect women, then put yourself into circles of men who do protect women - but you can't have it both ways - expecting to be a fiercly independent, feminist type AND having men bend over backwards for you. No man is going to accept this. If you are fiercly independent, learn to protect yourself. If you need a man to protect you, associate with men whom are protective of their women.

 

You can't expect to force men to become pro-feminist, liberal, sensitive, WOW playing men who are also hunter, protector, fix-it types. That's an extremely rare combination. Your expectations are unrealistic.

[Sam Spade]

So if those "mental images of other women" always pop up anyway - does that mean one woman is never enough for a man?

 

 

1 woman is plenty for any man. But sometimes it is nice to dissociate from all the history with that woman. Especially for married guys, I'd imagine it is nice every once in a while to look at a hot chick that's just hot, and *that's* it, rather than their wife, who although hot, also comes with grocery shoping lists, home renovation ideas, etc. - all cute, but can become exausting on a dail basis. Fantasy and recreational escape, not much different from watching the game in the basement, or going for a drive. Also, any of these things can be excessive, so this doesn't mean that there is any particular problem with porn as such.

[Vet]

You can't expect to force men to become pro-feminist' date=' liberal, sensitive, WOW playing men who are also hunter, protector, fix-it types. That's an extremely rare combination. Your expectations are unrealistic.[/quote']

 

I'm not really sure where the WOW playing comes in, but being pro-feminist and sensitive is not mutually exclusive from being protective, strong, independent and handy. People are not one or the other.

[You'reasian]

I'm not really sure where the WOW playing comes in, but being pro-feminist and sensitive is not mutually exclusive from being protective, strong, independent and handy. People are not one or the other.

 

True, but it is rare.

[Jersey Shortie]

Vet - to play devil's advocate here, I think what most of the anti-porn women on here would say to this is that in order to remain entirely and completely faithful, that in this case of incompatible libidos that the man should either simply adhere to the woman's schedule, or more realistically, if he rubs one out it should be to images, either mental or visual, of his partner only.

 

There is typically a large distinction for men between merely thinking about sex in a more graphic, visual way versus actually engaging in it - this is completely understandable given the fact that with the nature of the male sexuality it is very unremarkable to stimulate oneself with a visual image - I mean most of us have spent our entire teenage years visualizing sex with every girl that we'd seen in a skirt since puberty! so for us, porn is simply a natural extension of what we've been doing ever since we started noticing women, but just requiring us to concentrate less (haha). so for most of us porn serves a function similar to that of how people use ocean sounds to help them sleep. there are certainly people for whom it can become a compulsion, but for most guys, I really don't think that's the case.

 

female sexuality is typically not so "primal" and reliant on purely visual imagery. therefore the distinction between the physical act of sex versus the mental imagery is not so strong. that's not to say that a women cannot be sexually spontaneous or enjoy a one-nighter - but it's usually fueled somewhat by something situational, not just "a set of t*ts" like it is a guy. Therefore, it's easy to see why women apply a much larger emphasis on the impact of porn than how it applies to the average guy. That is why questions like "would you care if your wife was a porn star, wouldn't she do all the things that you want" continually pop up in this discussion yet seem so silly to us guys. I have had enough sex to know that what is geared towards helping me to get off in a purely visual manner is light years different from actual sex. it's just like shooting a movie about anything else - it relies on certain angles to heighten only the visual effect. Comparing porn to sex is like comparing a movie about skydiving to skydiving. The anti-porn women on here are correlating porn to reality (and thus inflating its importance) WAY WAY WAY more than an average guy does.

 

and that's where the true fultility of being so hurt by this comes into play. we as men all know that even if we never used porn or masturbated at all in between sexual encounters with our partners, that sexual images would simply inevitably and subconsciously pop into our heads. some might be of our partner, some of celebs, some about the woman in the next cubicle when she bent over to pick up that fax - but really all are non-focused and non-lasting, and really not personalized. that's just what happens. it certainly slows down as a man ages in tune with how his libido also slows down. I think that a number of women that have posted in this thread believe that once a man is in a relationship that he should no longer have any mental images about sex that don't correlate to his partner. not only is that not realistic, I believe that it is in fact IMPOSSIBLE. I feel terrible for those women who are so offended by this impossibility because there is absolutely nothing you can do about it - that's why in an earlier thread I had told JS that she is simply offended by male sexuality, and her crusade against porn is only a side effect to that.

 

I think this post above is pretty belitting to women who have issues with porn. You have pretty much disregarded anything that's been said here by women and railroaded right over it saying that it's meaningless. And theo nly thing worth going by is what men need and want. But that is the over whleming discouraging message here anyway. What women want doesn't matter. What men want does. Men are worthwhile and deserve to have all their needs and desires catered to. Women aren't worthwhile and better learn to accept that their needs and desires should come in second. This is the real problem. Alot of you don't want to listen to real women or value them.

[Jersey Shortie]

Yeah, that's really the crux of the issue: a lot of the women in this thread think that a man's libido should deflate to match hers, or he's being unfaithful. Masturbation is unfaithfulness. Thoughts of another person are unfaithfulness. Porn is just a corollary argument that's been roped into this because it's an easy target. Read all the posts by the women who are the major contributors to this thread and you'll see that it comes down to insecurity; not being able to cope with their men wanting sex in amounts and fashions that they cannot provide.

 

Actually. That is not the crux of the problem. I didn't see one woman here say a man's libido should deflate to fit hers. I think what is being said that a little self-control and focus on the man's part would be met with more warm arms. Who are you to say that masturbating and desiring other people isn't on some level being unfaithful? And part of the issue IS insecurity. It is MALE and female insecurity. You aren't sitting here defending porn because you are 100% secure with yourself as a man. Millions of men all over aren't relaying on porn to some degree because they are secure with themselves. All one has to do is look at porn and see that it is ALL about male insecurity. Creating a fantasy world where all the men perform, pleaes, are huge, and get only the best looking women. Sorry but that is male insecurity. So if you want to talk about insecurity, please talk about insecurity. But do not be bain enough to only talk about female insecurity. Men are JUST as insecure. And all a woman has to do is look at porn movie to see what a man is insecure about. All this arguing about porn, and fighting over it isn't because men are secure with themslves. Now I admit I can be insecure. But you men put us norma regular women up against a world where all the girls never age, have big fake boobs, perfect bodies and do anything a man wants. So don't sit there and condemn women for questioning how they fit into that or how they fit into their man's desires when his actiosn are telling her that she isn't good enough alone. You can put any fancy words you want on it but the truth is that real women aren't good enough for men to be happy with alone. You guys want to lamenate about how you need variety and this or that and biology. And it is all at the COST of a woman. We are suppose to feel secure in an environement that is all about replacing us? Even if itos for a few moments in time a couple times a week? Or however much you look at porn? Yeah that's right ladies, please feel like your man loves you ..but don't feel threatened when he needs to view SLutty Cheearleaders 14 because he needs to escape you for a few moments. What a joke.

 

This is about insecurity on some level. But lets not pretend that male insecurity doesn't play a big part here.

[You'reasian]

What women want doesn't matter. What men want does.

 

It has to be this way.

 

Women will use some amazing mental gymnastics to reject a nice, genuine guy with good intentions to put up with a guy who can make them laugh, wants to use them for just sex but otherwise wants nothing to do with them and who would kick them to the curb once they're done with em

 

You wouldn't have it any other way. Prove me wrong.

 

Men are worthwhile and deserve to have all their needs and desires catered to. Women aren't worthwhile and better learn to accept that their needs and desires should come in second. This is the real problem. Alot of you don't want to listen to real women or value them.

 

The truth is, most women don't respect men who value them. Sure you pay excellent lip service, in writing and when telling others, but your actions contradict.

 

Porn isn't about male insecurity. I'm ok with a gf watching porn and if she's gotta toy, that's fine by me (what girl doesn't ) - and I'm also ok with women whom are taller than me. Maybe too comfortable...

[Jersey Shortie]

I find it very disturbing that so many of you can't see the separation between the two. Do you really think that if a man has a mental image of another woman that he's cheated or has had two women?

 

Don't worry. You aren't the only one disturbed. Alot of women feel disturbed that the man they love is so eager to sell her out for an image. He doesn't acutally ahve to cheat for it to feel bad. The idea that he *wants* to have sex with other women and is living it out vicariously through videos of other women, that's a big threat. Because it makes our lives with him, our loyatly, seem like a big joke. It goes against the very nature of what he previously said when he promised to care for one woman and be with her. Men want it both ways. They don't really want to make a committment to one woman and show her care and respect. The fact that he does everything short of physically sleeping with other women to vicariously live out fantasies with other women sends a big message.

 

You still have a defeatist attitude about it all.

 

Yeap I do. Why shouldn't I? The guys here have said time and time again that it doesn't matter how much a woman gives, how much sex she has with her man, at some point, he will still go back to the porn. Why should a woman even try? If doing all this work to build a relationsihp with him, or not doing anything at all leads him to the same point. The porn. If men say things like " sometimes it is nice to dissociate from all the history with that woman" to justfy porn, what the heck do you want us women to do? We loose every time. Relationships are apparently a big joke to men. WHy even bother having them if this is how men feel and want to "dissociate" from their women? We don't force you to have relationships with us. If we are so awful and don't meet your expectatiosn and you need x amount of porn fantasies to feel happy as a man, do women a favor and don't hurt them by promising them loyatly where there is none.

 

 

1 woman is plenty for any man. But sometimes it is nice to dissociate from all the history with that woman. Especially for married guys, I'd imagine it is nice every once in a while to look at a hot chick that's just hot, and *that's* it, rather than their wife, who although hot, also comes with grocery shoping lists, home renovation ideas, etc. - all cute, but can become exausting on a dail basis. Fantasy and recreational escape, not much different from watching the game in the basement, or going for a drive. Also, any of these things can be excessive, so this doesn't mean that there is any particular problem with porn as such.

 

Nice to know that women are so awful that men have to dissociate themselves from the woman that loves them to turn to a woman in porn. If that's how men really feel, why do you bother pretending you love your woman at all? Do you know how hurtful it is to love a man, and put alot into that relationship only to hear that needs to "dissociate" himself from her to turn to 18 year olds in porn? Are men EVER happy with their own real woman? Or do men jsut try to bare us while they turn to the women they really want..you know the women in porn? You think living and having a relaiontion is so easy for women? You think it's suppose to feel good to women knowing that men need to "dissociate" so he can turn to a fake girl in porn for relief? That is just so degrading to the woman that loves you. I mean really..this is the most upsetting comment thus far. There is apparently no reason at all that women are putting in effort with their men if this is how men feel. Why do you men bother having relationships at all? It's clear that women don't matter much to you. It's clear that a woman's value is less then that of a man's to you. Since wome nare so worthless to you maybe you could find it in yourself to show some kindness..especially to a woman that might care for you and not put it through that kind of treatment. But I guess that's asking to much. Because utlimately, what matters is men and their seuxality. Not women and not love.

[You'reasian]

Don't worry. You aren't the only one disturbed. Alot of women feel disturbed that the man they love is so eager to sell her out for an image. He doesn't acutally ahve to cheat for it to feel bad. The idea that he *wants* to have sex with other women and is living it out vicariously through videos of other women, that's a big threat. Because it makes our lives with him, our loyatly, seem like a big joke. It goes against the very nature of what he previously said when he promised to care for one woman and be with her. Men want it both ways. They don't really want to make a committment to one woman and show her care and respect. The fact that he does everything short of physically sleeping with other women to vicariously live out fantasies with other women sends a big message.

 

 

 

Yeap I do. Why shouldn't I? The guys here have said time and time again that it doesn't matter how much a woman gives, how much sex she has with her man, at some point, he will still go back to the porn. Why should a woman even try? If doing all this work to build a relationsihp with him, or not doing anything at all leads him to the same point. The porn. If men say things like " sometimes it is nice to dissociate from all the history with that woman" to justfy porn, what the heck do you want us women to do? We loose every time. Relationships are apparently a big joke to men. WHy even bother having them if this is how men feel and want to "dissociate" from their women? We don't force you to have relationships with us. If we are so awful and don't meet your expectatiosn and you need x amount of porn fantasies to feel happy as a man, do women a favor and don't hurt them by promising them loyatly where there is none.

 

 

 

 

Nice to know that women are so awful that men have to dissociate themselves from the woman that loves them to turn to a woman in porn. If that's how men really feel, why do you bother pretending you love your woman at all? Do you know how hurtful it is to love a man, and put alot into that relationship only to hear that needs to "dissociate" himself from her to turn to 18 year olds in porn? Are men EVER happy with their own real woman? Or do men jsut try to bare us while they turn to the women they really want..you know the women in porn? You think living and having a relaiontion is so easy for women? You think it's suppose to feel good to women knowing that men need to "dissociate" so he can turn to a fake girl in porn for relief? That is just so degrading to the woman that loves you. I mean really..this is the most upsetting comment thus far. There is apparently no reason at all that women are putting in effort with their men if this is how men feel. Why do you men bother having relationships at all? It's clear that women don't matter much to you. It's clear that a woman's value is less then that of a man's to you. Since wome nare so worthless to you maybe you could find it in yourself to show some kindness..especially to a woman that might care for you and not put it through that kind of treatment. But I guess that's asking to much. Because utlimately, what matters is men and their seuxality. Not women and not love.

 

You keep on going for jerks and believe that you can change em - no one's gonna stop you. Truth be told, it sounds like it is you who is insecure with men's sexuality and completely unfamiliar with the way real men think.

[Jersey Shortie]

I never said I went out with jerks. That's what *you* keep saying because you rather think that then admit otherwise. I date normal everyday guys. I don't date jerks. Either address what I do say, but stop assuming you know things that you don't.