4everloveu Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 What is the longest time frame that A can be hide?
Soul Bear Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 The longest time frame would be infinity... Or until B is out of the picture.......
fooled once Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 *shrug* I guess as long as a cheater can hide it. I would guess guilt to the cheating spouse would eat at them. But then again, since so many cheaters don't seem to care about remorse or have much of a conscious, I guess an Affair can remain a secret indefinitely.
2sure Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 A long term affair, like decades...is probably being ignored more than successfully hidden
MistyK Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 It depends on a lot of things - whether the spouse is suspicious and willing to snoop, whether you live in a small town, how careful you are. Affairs usually get found out eventually and when they do it's always bad. Trying to be a good liar/sneak isn't a good long-term plan, but you probably already know that.
bentnotbroken Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 There were a couple of stories in the news recently. One Steve McNair and another about a woman who finds out about her H's affair after he died. She confronted the ow. Each of these affairs came out after death, but they came out.
Devil Inside Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I wouldn't bet on any given length of time. It all depends...but it an blow up at any time.
Author 4everloveu Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 I know someone that keep it secret for longs until now her husband don't know because he didn't care much of what his wife doing. She and her AP only see each other twice a week and each time is 2 hours.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I know someone that keep it secret for longs until now her husband don't know because he didn't care much of what his wife doing. She and her AP only see each other twice a week and each time is 2 hours. I'm curious, why are you even asking this question? Does it matter if other people's A's were discovered in your own situation? What matters is your outcome.
Author 4everloveu Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 I'm just asking because i don't want to see someone that i know to get hurt.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I'm just asking because i don't want to see someone that i know to get hurt. Ohhhh, I see. I didn't know if you were in an A or what. You know an OP?
boldjack Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 OP, affairs almost always are found out. I know that posters will come on here and give examples of hidden affairs lasting for decades or even life,( I find it hard to believe, and would require proof) but these extremely few exceptions , generally prove the rule. Most are found out within days or weeks, sometimes as long as a year, after the end of the affair.
Owl Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I'm just asking because i don't want to see someone that i know to get hurt. If they or someone that cares for them is involved in an affair...it's too late. Yes, it MIGHT stay hidden forever. But it's very, very unlikely to do so. Given that they're most likely going to find out...it's best to set the stage to get this all out in the open in a controlled environment, in a way that will prevent anyone from taking an immediate reaction that would have unrecoverable results.
spiraling downward Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 A long term affair, like decades...is probably being ignored more than successfully hidden This is the correct answer. As one of my friends put it... the sharpest individuals can probably cover their tracks 95% of the time, it's that 5% that always gets you!
stuckinoz Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I have a friend who years ago kept hers hidden for 9 years & had a child in between that she isn't sure is really her husbands.........& she picked up again with the same guy 7 or so years later. Only reason they aren't together now is because he died of a heart attack about 3 or so years ago.
Author 4everloveu Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 Ohhhh, I see. I didn't know if you were in an A or what. You know an OP? Yes, a friend of mine.
Gamine Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. There are stories again and again about how these cheaters get busted. There are also the very sad stories of spouses who learn after the death of their loved one what had actually been going on. The grief now turns to regret on the behalf of the widow/widower. Now, that is something I would personally want to have no part in the making of. There was actually a thread on this forum concerning whether the OW/OM should be welcomed by the bereaved spouse to attend the funeral. I don't even know where to begin with that one.
jennie-jennie Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. There are stories again and again about how these cheaters get busted. There are also the very sad stories of spouses who learn after the death of their loved one what had actually been going on. The grief now turns to regret on the behalf of the widow/widower. Now, that is something I would personally want to have no part in the making of. There was actually a thread on this forum concerning whether the OW/OM should be welcomed by the bereaved spouse to attend the funeral. I don't even know where to begin with that one. Last I heard churches were open to everyone.
bentnotbroken Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Last I heard churches were open to everyone. They are open to everyone except in a private matter. Such as a wedding, baptism or funeral. If the family asks that someone be removed, they will be removed. Why would a AP want to disrespect the family future by invading a family time?
jennie-jennie Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 They are open to everyone except in a private matter. Such as a wedding, baptism or funeral. If the family asks that someone be removed, they will be removed. Why would a AP want to disrespect the family future by invading a family time? Because the MM is her family too. You know what, I am going to ask my MM this question. Will be interesting to hear what he says. As late as yesterday, my MM stated that he is a polygamist, he in fact has two wives, ie he gives me the status of being as important to him as his wife.
bentnotbroken Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Because the MM is her family too. You know what, I am going to ask my MM this question. Will be interesting to hear what he says. As late as yesterday, my MM stated that he is a polygamist, he in fact has two wives, ie he gives me the status of being as important to him as his wife. So do the other wives know about you. If not, your status is different. Legally and morally he isn't your family? If your relationship is hidden, then your grief should remain hidden from his family also. You can't have it both ways. If that situation had happened to me, it would have not been safe for the ow to attend. My family doesn't care to much for intrusions on family events.
MSUE Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 He is not yor family..his 2 wives are and any children involved...you are the OW the one in third place in his life or even lower as there may be others specially when someone practices poligamy...eventually tha majority of people having and A get caught...as they get too comfortable and start leaving tracts not to mention that gut feeling that most W experience...but on the other end yes some A go on for decades without discovery until death hits
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Wow she is fogged out! Jeanie's dude is legally or somehow morally married to two women and now he wants three?!?! Wow! I feel sorry for her!
norajane Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 As late as yesterday, my MM stated that he is a polygamist, he in fact has two wives, ie he gives me the status of being as important to him as his wife. Do you mean he already has two other wives, or that he considers you his wife, so that makes 2 for him - the one he's legally married to and you?
jennie-jennie Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Do you mean he already has two other wives, or that he considers you his wife, so that makes 2 for him - the one he's legally married to and you? He "considers" me "his wife, so that makes 2 for him - the one he's legally married to and" me.
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