Your Favourite Smile Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I think this thread should be in 'coping'.. as my constant thoughts are just causing me problems. So, ive been in a relationship or involved for approx 2 and a half years, though there have been off times as well. There came a time where we didnt talk for weeks, and rumour had it that he had seen another girl for a week or so. The rumour was true. So knowing this.. conflicting thoughts of either confrontation or NC ran through my mind- for a month. I finally decided after the month that i had to do what'd make me feel happier and so i sent a message which would try to keep the peace. I had a response which included that he is always there and that i could talk to him anytime. Since this, ive had a few online conversations with him.. just friendly and casual. Its been fine, no awkwardness. However, ive come to the conclusion that as much as im content with maintaining contact with him, its just not enough and i still want him back so much. I dont know whether he still has feelings for me, thoughts have been playing on my mind whether he is scared of my response if he asked me the question i want to ask him. Or maybe he really has moved on.. I dont know what to do really, i love him and want to find out whether he has feelings too. But then in doing this i face the possibility of his rejection which also risks the opportunity of talking with him ever again.. Any thoughts?
Nedved Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 By the sounds of things i think you've gone from being his lover to his friend and although you get on well with him now you could be reading a lot more into this than he is and could be setting yourself up for a big fall. You went NC for a month so after a month not talking sometimes there's a relief for a while when you break NC that their back in your life and it can give you a false sense of hope. Has he given any hints that he might wanna try again? It really should be up to him to try and win you back now. this situation could suit him as he still has you in his life and can meet who he likes. How will you feel if he meets somebody else like the girl he met for a week? it'd totally crush you. I fear that your putting everything at risk here but maybe you should go NC on him without telling him and see if he shows interest in you. Let him chase you if he truly wants you back. You could also just go for broke and ask him but your running the risk of being rejected but at least you'd have closure. i think you just need to ask yourself HONESTLY whats the best course of action to take. You need to do what right for you not him and i think NC is the way to go and see if he comes back. At least you'l get him out of your system if he dose'nt. please and i mean this in the nicest way don't be a door mat for this guy. You have to put yourself first here.
adamt Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 he has another girl so looks like he has moved on. Keep your self respect and work on yourself and dont contact him. Time will tell if he has 2nd thoughts once he is into this new girlfriend. Just look to move on and he will come back to you if he wants to work things out.
miracle89 Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 HI there, No contact sounds great and that would mean that you won't have to deal with being confrontational, it also gives you the higher authority, you wouldn't seem like you need him to survive on or that he can move on but still maintain a safety net with you just incase.... Sometimes when a person moves onto the next relationship quickly isn't because they don't have feelings anymore for you, they most likely want to see what other oppotunities there are out there and whether you are what he's looking for, since you guys have been in a long relationship, unless he has considered moving on for a while now, he won't be able to get you out of his system completely. So your best bet is to let him come to you, don't neccessary move on straight away if you don't want to but go do other things that you would do usually and see what his level of commitment is towards you, know that there is no point in persuing anything further if he's still with the other woman because that would only hurt you further, and you'll always wonder what if? so the only way to test his want for you is to loosen the leash and let him find his way home. Talking to him and asking him where your relationship is heading and how much you need him will only show him that he can treat you like that and you'd still be around. So the question is, do you want to be around for an unavaliable guy???
Author Your Favourite Smile Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 Everyone for the feedback, i appreciate it a LOT! Its great to get this perspective on it and i will definitely go NC from this moment. I think that most positive things will come out of NC overall rather than the confrontation thing. I think time will tell, and im just going to get on with things as id usually do. Thanks again everyone
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