target Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 HI there life story.. and all.. i am sure you have heard it all... Here is my story.. - married high school sweety at age 19 - had first child at 20 - got decent job at 21 - got house at 22 - had second child at 22 - continues to work while, for the most part doesn't.. - life goes on .. wife has affair .. i think.. never got confirmation.. cause she is bored .. i am not being enough of a man.. I let her go to her "friends" house cause she was trying to figure out who she was and what she wanted.. and i wasn't helping.. alllll righty then .. hell me and this guy even were "friends"... well we go to his trailer and have dinner and watch movies in an uneasy atmosphere... with tension always in the room.. - sometime in this time and now wife is diagnosed as bi-polar, depresses not aggressive. - wife goes back to school, on my dime of course she has no job.. - loves school does great .. - during this time wife goes to beach with her friends and i stay home with the kids.. have fun hun - she does have fun and kisses some guy.. hmm .. well that sucks.. she didn't do it.. it was the guys doing.. not hers... oook what ever.. - i start to enjoy the life online during this time no clue when?.. - I start to find old friends and enjoy talking to them, um i should also say that all my old friends were woman... - I say were cause wife finds out who i am talking too all night long and gets pissed cause she sees this as cheeating.. well i guess it was cheating cause i was happy... i will get back to this .. - during this she would go out and dance with her freinds.. hence the time i had to talk to said people. Yes.. she would "dance" and not just with the girls... noo she loves dancing with the guys.. let me say this.. i hate dancing.. plus to her.. i don't do it right ... sooo it very ackward for me to try... - during she meets up with a kid and dances with him and he is a great dancer and they had sooo much funn... she tells me this .. obviously to piss me off and get attention ... - well during this time i also managed to find some old high school friends that i ended up havin fun with and shooting pool, now these friends were guys and one had a wife and the other a girlfriend ... yes i did talk to them... as i said most of my friends where girls.. and we would talk about this and that ... my marriage .. what the wife did recently .. welll there was one time.. i wanted to go out with them after work ... so i called up the wife to tell her i was going.. yes tell, usually i asked, well she said "you do what ever u need to do" .. so i did ... i was having a great time .. laughing my friends, having dinner ... i felt bad cause i was eating dinner out and the wife wasn't soo we talked about how i should get my wife something and bring it home.. soo i called home.. no answer... hmm thats weird.. well about 5 mins later she comes barging into the place yells at me,, confronts me.. and then proceeds to throw my 1/4 of my beer i had with dinner in my face and all over me... well that proceeds .. i laugh it off.. i laughed it off cause she wanted me to pissed.. i wouldn't give her that .. the friends are shocked, they want me to leave her then and there,, one even said i could stay at their house that night.. the married couple.. i say no,,, say goodbye and drive home to my .. well u can image what happens.. so i won't go into it.. life goes on.. - soo around this time we get into fights cause she really doesn't want me talking to these online people.. so i do, but the deal was she doesn't go out dancing anymore.. unless i come.. which sucks for her.. cause she can't dance like she likes too and i like sit and do nothing while drinking beer.. not alot of beer either .. in a 4~5 hours period i might drink 1~2 beers.. annd if i go out hanging around my friends.. one is a cousin btw, she has to be with me... her reasoning is we weren't spending enough time together. ... - there is more and i could go on.. but i will end with this.. she finishes college... a BS, and now she doesn't want to find a job.. she doesn't know if she can do it with her Bi-polar... soooo she sits around the whole summer do a part time VERY low hours job .. to do something i guess so basically we can't stand each other.. we don't find each other enjoyable .. we don't like the same music... we don't like the same food .... we don't have the same moral goals ... i am a morning person she is not.. she wants to go a beach for a vacation i want to go to a big city... we have no money, we are in debt up to our eyeballs,,, the house is a wreck.. I will say that our children are doin very well for livin with us.. we try and keep alot of this hidden from them but they are smart people ... ohh and they are 11 annd 14 now.. i am overweight now, my wife is overweight ... i am on depression meds.. she is on gawd knows what.. if she feels like taking the.. and has been doin pretty good lately... honestly .. i just want to get away.. but i guess i am not man enough to do soo... i am thinking of telling her we need some time apart ... just to get my head straight.. i can't speak for her ... i can probably spend the time at a friends house... ohh of course is we have no sex life ... none.. i think i could count on one hand how many times we have had "intercourse" in like 2 years.. I almost forgot to mention during times or argument she told me, several times, on several different occasions, that she wanted me to leave. I did try once.. during an argument about nothing and she pulled me back in... she hasn't asked me to leave since .. expect for joking, which still hurts... I just feel like blathering like an idiot here. I don't want to be one of those couples that exists in the end.. wondering what i will say next to set off the emotional ticking bomb .. wondering the whole time whether i did the right thing by staying.. I was just talking to one of my friends .. and the response was " i think you need to clear your head." I thought about this.. and they are right i need to "clear my head" but by clearing my head .. i become selfish in thinking of my self.. not taking care of the family.. if i leave i am not taking care of the family .... and what i do decide to leave??? do i try to get the kids and the house... that would devastate her.. in her high school year book she said that what she wanted when she grew up was "to get married and live in her own house." wellll hell i helped her get that within years after school.. life goals complete.,.. myself i never knew what i want out of life .. during a talk with some of my friends.. i was told i need to figure this out.. "what i want out of life... " for the longest time i vexed over this... cause i have a hard time putting my self first... noo i am not playing a martyr.. just saying.. and u know i think i figured it out.. like a mission statement .. my mission statement is "to be happy." well on that note i will continue on with the day.. what the helll should i do?
free2bme4u Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 You should figure out what makes you happy. Then go and live your mission statement. I'm hoping your mission statement includes being a tremendous father. If she doesn't want to help you with your mission, then let her make up her own mission statement but in no way should that impede yours. If her bad behavior continues, ask for a divorce. In the meantime, volunteer to be a coach/mentor at the kids school or on the kids team. Get involved in their lives. Get busy and get happy. Good luck.
Author target Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 You know, i have a compassionate heart, maybe i will volunteer... don't know about with kids.. but there is a lot of help to be had out there... i have mentioned once or twice about spending a fews days volunteer at a soup kitchen or what not over xmas break and the family was so against it... who to say i can't do this on my own... hmmm.. thanks for for the info...
SRV Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Your eldest child is about to go to college. You need to decide and make a decision on which direction you want to take. Have you tried marriage counseling? Have you had a heart to heart with your wife? Have you tried to truly reconnect? Have you done all you can? Some of the things you might want to ponder, for your sake, the for the kids sake and your marriage.
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