Mr Nice Guy Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Hey all, I'm a bit confused about someone I recently met. I hope I posted in the right section: it was either here or “Friends and Lovers” and I hope there might be some opinions about it. If you've read a previous thread I started, you'll know my previous situation. If not, here are some details. On Friday 17 July, I was unceremoniously ditched by a girl I knew off Facebook through no fault of my own. Since then, I decided to forget about her and get back on the saddle so to speak and start dating again. I got onto a dating site I was previously a member of, to supplement my social activities though I never really made online dating a priority at all. I noticed a girl on that site and got in contact with her. She replied positively and after sending her an email, we were chatting on MSN on the 29th of July, nearly a week and a half after being ditched. Since then, we've been chatting online everyday except one (Saturday), some days twice a day, both of us equally willing to message each other. We got along really well (still do) and have talked about everything and anything and have a lot in common. We've gotten comfortable with each other and have great conversations, though we haven't met in person yet. Now, she told me about her past with an ex that she had. They broke up after 8 months and are still broken up, but she has a problem of fully letting go of him after a year of being broken up. She continually talks about wanting to and trying to talk to him, about how they can't just be friends given their history, how she still wants him and the relationship back but he doesn't appear to want to get back together, but at the same time she wants to get over him. At the same time, she said something about this other guy that she's confused about but doesn't want to be with him because she doesn't want to hurt him. I don't know any more about him than that. So now the problem which involves me. Since we started talking and begun to get along really well, I have gradually begun to like her and have wanted to get to know her better. Even though I like her, I'm kind of unsure of where I stand with her; whether I've been friend-zoned of if I have a chance seeing her situation. One of my friends told me to be a friend to start, which I have been doing. I'd like to tell her I like her, but is eight days after meeting someone online and not having met in person yet too soon? I don’t know when we’re going to meet: she has a lot of tests, assignments and study across this and next week and I’ve been patient. I haven’t been sure if telling her online is the best setting, but I’m worried about waiting until she’s free too because she might be gone by then. I'm also worried about doing it, because even though I'm more interested and its been a short time, I'm a little scared of being hurt again. I consider myself to be a good judge of character, as well as a nice person who'll treat women and people in general with respect and understanding. Is it worth the risk given her situation? I think I know what the answer might be and that is, I won't know until I ask her. But before I do, I'd like to get some opionions to weigh it up myself and I won't do anything until I'm sure. Sorry for the length, but any and all opinions are appreciated. =)
boogieboy Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 You already know the answer. She is still not over her ex, so stay away from her. As long as youre hanging around, youre not attractive to her. Youre too available. Let her come after you. If she doesnt, there was nothing you can do. You have to be in the right place at the right time when she finally gets over her ex, but sitting around her waiting for that to happen, is not going to get you anywhere. if it did happen she would probably get with you before shes over her ex, youd fall in love, then shed dump you because she never felt that way about you. Leave her alone for now, look her up in a few months. Right now, youre beating a dead horse.
St. Nick Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Don't wait if she's over the dude. Go after her quickly but don't be desperate. She'll appreciate the interest even if she doesn't say yes. It is better to get this off your chest now, rather than let this simmer inside. Don't waste time, man. Go for it.
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